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I guess I missed the window. Ah well single forever. There are worse fates.

OpposingOpposum 9 Apr 30

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16 comments

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1

Just turned 35.

If I don't find someone within a few years I'm probably eternally hopeless.

You can hang here with us and make super dark self deprecating jokes!

1

You shouldn't write marriage, or at least a relationship, off so quickly. If I weren't old, ugly, and distant (geographically, mainly) I would be tempted to ask you out.

JimG Level 8 Apr 30, 2018

Thank you. Thats flattering. Id accept, you seem pretty cool

@Blindbird that's kind of you

@JimG not at all. Sane(ish)funny and attractive men are not easy to come by!

1

Well, I am nearing 52 and would get married if/when the right woman comes along.

0

Perhaps the thing that impressed me most about the findings of the 'linked' research into this matter, was that when men were most likely to marry, was at the point of when they were no longer on the dating scene. This was borne out by numerous cases investigated, so whether by design or otherwise, the men ready to marry were mainly involved in other things. Of course this could be by coincidence, but the stats would suggest otherwise. I guess therefore the lesson here for women is that they are better off avoiding the dating scene if they are looking for a potential partner.

RonB Level 5 Apr 30, 2018
1

Hi @Blindbird !! I have to admit that I did not follow the link so I am not 100% sure what this is all about, however your comment about missing the window make me want to tell you just one thing.... I wish I was your age !!!!!! ... ????

2

same here

2

Why would you want to be, 'locked in' in a relationship anyway. The younger I was the less I was interested in Betting My Life on someone! Never having wanted kids, and always being financially independant, marriage doesn't seem like security but a cage to me. Maybe it will change but...time will tell. Here's the soundtrack to my comment 🙂

P.S. Did you read the unpolished jewels part? You may still find a hubby, depending on what you're looking for. Good luck.

@girlwithsmiles haha. Anybody that asks at this point is getting stabbed.

@Blindbird lols.

4

Unless you are planning to have children, marrying is pretty stupid!
And. Is it just me, or does the article read like a compilation from check-out-aisle magazines?

Not just you at all

It's not just you. I kept thinking it sounded like something out of Cosmopolitan.

9

Funny, my biggest issue with this article is that it assumes women want to get married. Pretty one sided, no? Like it's our job to trick them or catch them when they are the most vulnerable to the idea. Please. I'd rather be happy than married. I'm certain they aren't always mutually exclusive, but I'm happier single.

2

M’eh. I find having such expectations like age quotas only lead to disappointment. I learned to never to develop any. Hard enough time finding anyone who can stand me for five minutes let alone the rest of her life. #BabySteps

1

Take heart. The study itself admits that these are only generalities, with many exceptions. It merely becomes less likely over time.
Anyway, you're still not exactly "old", are you?

2

I think you have finally reached an age and gained enough life experience to know what you want, and honed your skills and developed good qualities to offer, and now you are better able to see more clearly through your window, than you did long ago through naive eyes and an inexperienced mind. 🙂

Nah. I think I have reached maximun bitchiness and minimum patience. Having a "good gracious I'm gonna be single forever" moment.

@Blindbird You're allowed. Maybe you just need a man in red sneakers to come into your life. Listen to this and see if it makes you smile. Have a great day.

3

I was with my ex-wife for 11 years

We harbor no hatred for each other, but I've pretty much have decided I'll never marry again

3

what a strange article..why does the author give so much power to men? what seem like revelations to him are not only hardly interesting to me, but also common sense-ish. idk. i grew up in san francisco- in that reality, there a few hard-truths: you'll never own a house, need a car, be able to afford children or college. i never thought anything of it. friends getting married was a rare thing...perhaps due to what the author points out- singles scene, median age and everyone was working class poor (lots in common, actually). but, we were artists with hopes and dreams, just the same. cynical, perhaps- i mean, why would you have kids in a city that is so expensive and different from the rest of the shitty world? lol..just thinking out loud, b.b...i suppose it's rather obvious i never grew up dreaming of 'the dress' and 'the big day'....spinsters rule and boys still drool!!!

3

Reading this, and there is an error in his market research from the get go: the macho or politically correct answers are valid as they show a response to a certain age group/type, which reflects how they react within that category, which can influence later results. He was already bending his study to the type of responses he wanted to achieve.

I would even go so far as to use multiple types of interviewers and collate the response...but I think his goal was specific...which results in specific directed information. And mostly obvious results....

and duh. Market study, not social study. So...duh. I'll shut up now.

@JohnnyThorazine obvious results- i agree...i'm struck by the impression that young folks are still feeling the pressure to go to school and get married. how drab! i wonder if they even know that they can be whole and vibrant without future tripping..

@JohnnyThorazine what is the difference? (sounds flip, but i am asking sincerely)

I read the entire piece, and it seemed to me not only was it heavily biased, it was biased towards a vision of stereotypical men. And as you point out, it's not a sociological study. I wonder if Shankar Vedantam has tackled this on his podcast Hidden Brain.
[npr.org]

@nightowl I forgot the difference for a minute, too...a market study focuses on it's one specific 'yes/no' result (not really yes/no, but I mean they 'why' isn't in there...which often effects the results you wouldn't want to only know that a village preferred a certain type of water, you might want to know that it preferred a certain type of water because the other type made people sick once, a market research might only find that a certain sector of people don't like a particular brand of water.) A question that immediately pops up for me is: what is the value of marriages that are created later in life? I bet they are better, have better foundations...but that is just me guessing. And I think it was sexist in the same way interviewing nazi's is racist....he was looking for a very specific view from that side...and got a very specific answer. A duh answer....but if you were a large corporation trying to sell, let's say, bachelor cards or whatever, you might use this to target the most viable age group..

@JohnnyThorazine bachelor cards!!! lol...gotcha. and effective explanation, thanks. i would just assume that dealing with people in any form or fashion should become easier=better, as we grow up. the ? that popped up for me was- is this 1960? aside from tax breaks, why do people want that piece of paper so badly? ego? meh.

@nightowl for things like hospital stuff (I believe that is the technical term...stuff...hehe), property, etc. Oregon doesn't have common law marriage, so it is moderately important for a long term relationship and responsibilities....I think if you decide to permanently cohabitate, you might want to get married to protect each other....but that is an only mildly informed opinion.

@bingst yeah, hence the market study and not sociological study...which is why we have things called ethics which are required for an economics major....but I believe a social study will make a long term change and an ingrained inherent value of whatever product you are trying to market...market studies are why we have some of these tasteless commercials...they are the result of short term studies without the 'why' factor thrown in.

@nightowl haha , why do people want that piece of paper? The war cry of the confirmed bachelor.

@JohnnyThorazine you are correct on all points. Its a flawed "study" at best.

@JohnnyThorazine Actually, My first husband and I got married after living together for 7 years because his job was outsourced and he went into business freelance and had no insurance benefits; also it was cheaper with respect to taxes, especially the first year when he made almost no money. It was before the whole "domestic partner" thing that is common today.

@Blindbird no shame in my game! lol

3

I found that rather difficult to follow... or st least to put all the pieces into a logical framework....

In respect to all the naysayers with negative comments regarding the methodology of the research article, one has to offer the benefit of the doubt to the researcher. If they (naysayers) were involved in conducting the research their selves, it is incumbent on them to identify any weaknesses in the methodology in the introduction of the article. Given that there was no such weaknesses identified, as a former undergraduate Psychology student myself, I am happy to accept the result, as should you all unless you are prepared to replicate the study yourself and prove otherwise..

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