@Blindbird, you'll appreciate this. I went for a bike ride this evening, and was asked by a random guy if he could "get a ride." Twice. Another random guy (also biking) tried to tell me not to cross the street when there was no traffic coming, and then painted himself as the hero, explaining that he was just trying to save my life. I gave him the thumbs up and said, "I got it," but that didn't keep him from continuing to try to engage me. So now, I'm pedaling faster than I want to just to get away from him. (Who knew creepy guys were so good for your cardio routine?) And while I did enjoy parts of my ride, I was also on the defensive for a lot of it.
Dear men, please stop this shit, and if you're not the guy who does it, call other men out when you see it. I've been a woman for a while now, and I'm used to de-escalating. I'll give a soft smile, respond politely (I told "can I get a ride guy" "not tonight" ), and pedal like crazy because I don't know which one of you can't take having your ego bruised. And I'm tired of it.
Also, I wasn't sure of which category to use...
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8 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Le sigh. Socially conditioned entitlement. Sorry, and I hear you. Hopefully, you can ignore them. I know from the stories of other women, this is a lifelong frustration. Some men will sense the upgrade, and evolve. ?
Telegramsam70
Level 5
May 1, 2018
1
Le sigh. Socially conditioned entitlement. Sorry, and I hear you. Hopefully, you can ignore them. I know from the stories of other women, this is a lifelong frustration. Some men will sense the upgrade, and evolve. ?
Telegramsam70
Level 5
May 1, 2018
1
Trade in that bike for a skateboard. Men will be too shocked and intimidated (threatened and/or impressed) to say anything.
stinkeye_a
Level 8
May 1, 2018
0
Nope. I love my bike and I love the fact that gears help make for quick exits. And most people find it intriguing enough that I usually ride with no hands.
No way. Why should we change because people are stupid.
Gosh I think I would have tried something really crazy like"Hi!"
DavidLaDeau
Level 8
Apr 30, 2018
2
I understand but also you have to consider this is not going to last forever. Today bother you to have the attention and tomorrow it will bother you also the attention is not there anymore. You have to consider which of those scenarios is going to hurt the most..... As usual, I am just thinking out loud.
IamNobody
Level 8
Apr 30, 2018
0
There's no need for attention to be lewd or condescending. And you're missing the point: I want to go and do as I please without feeling threatened.
@Nottheonlyone ok, understand. Within the same lines, I think I have said this story before. I lived in Belgium years ago. I got to see the hottest blonde dress to kill riding a bicycle as medium of transportation, not leisure or exercise. It did caught my attention how no one would say anything to any of them. I think it boils down to few differences. There is no religious repression and porn was free late at night. Their philosophy is, you don't like it then change the channel. Here on the other hand, every Joe is so desperate ( and we men are not exactly street smart for those things) that they do things like that. So, point taken, you should not make feel threatened.
No way. Its not ok. Its not flattering. Its obnoxious. Please stop trying to paint behaviour like this positively. Stop it.
@Akfishlady I didn't say it's ok for one thing, and I do believe saying it is an excuse is misleading. It is a real problem caused by represion we have here and Europe does not have. The way I see it, the results are different in both places because the conditions are different in both places. Porn was just an example but it's much more complicated than that. Prostitution is legal and everyone knows where to go and what to do, without having to worry about the government setting the bait to put them in jail or to have them registered as sex offenders for life. The don't have that kind of pressure therefore don't feel the need to say something stupid to every girl in town. On the other hand, I know it doesn't matter what I say, I am not going to move the ball forward, this is a very sensitive topic. I just want to make sure my point is to focus and a potential reason to understand why this happens, not to justify it.
Im sorry that happened to you.
gater
Level 7
Apr 30, 2018
4
It happens all the time. All. The. Time.
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