If you haven’t done so already, sit down with the kids in your blended family and explain the ground rules. Start by saying:

“In our family now, both of us are the parents.”

And then say:

“And these are the expectations on every child.”

I also recommend that parents tell their stepkids from the beginning:

“You don’t have to call me Mom, but you must be respectful and follow my directions.”

Have this meeting together with your partner and all the children. And set the expectation that you both will enforce the rules the same.

The consequences for defiance should be clear and consistently enforced. For example, the kids in the family should know that if they disrespect their stepmother or stepfather, they will lose their electronics privileges for the rest of the night.

In other words, there should be no tolerance for defiance and disrespect. You and your partner need to present a unified front when explaining this to your kids.