The recent posts on reproductive rights and abortion hit close to home for me so I have some pretty strong feelings about it.

Last year when it looked like the ACA might be repealed I decided to share my story on facebook. I thought I would share that here too. Maybe it will provide some with a perspective they haven't considered before...

There is a lot of talk right now about a female's reproductive rights and more specifically, her right to have a safe, legal abortion. It seems like everyone has an opinion, but few of us have actually had an abortion. Certainly no male has and only a small percentage of women have and that's a good thing. I can't claim to be one of those that have needed an abortion either, but I came very close to having one...and I remember being in that place; the fear, the uncertainty, the guilt, the sadness. In that respect I think I can relate to what many women across the world experience.

My husband and I spent over three years and thousands of dollars on fertility treatments. A week after undergoing our very last fertility procedure I found out I was pregnant by taking an at home pregnancy test. At my two week follow up appointment we discovered I was carrying twins. At twelve weeks we found out that I was in danger of miscarrying and after a surgery, put on strict bedrest. At 16 weeks I was hospitalized with a dangerous medical condition that put both my life and the babies lives in jeopardy. At that time we were told that if at any point my health became in immediate danger prior to 23 weeks gestation (which at the time was the earliest viability for an infant) the pregnancy would have to be terminated; which is to say that the fetuses would have to be aborted...but we don't like to use that term because women who have an abortion are what...Careless? Irresponsible? Coldhearted monsters? Murderers even?...Except that a lot of us aren't. We are the ones that have serious medical complications. We are the 1 in 5 women who will be raped in our lifetime. We are the ones who for many, many reasons have to make the very hard, very sad, very personal decision to terminate our pregnancies.

We were lucky to have our babies make it past the 23 week gestation mark and avoid an abortion, but not by much. And it has been a long, hard road, but today they are happy, healthy, sort of normal (what exactly is normal and are any of them really, actually normal?? ) thirteen (now fourteen) year olds.

There are a couple reasons I chose to tell this story at this time. One is the political situation that is unfolding in front of our eyes in a very real and terrifying way. The other reasons are more personal.

After delivering my children I was warned that there is a very real possibility that should I become pregnant again, I may not survive that pregnancy. I made the responsible decision to choose an IUD as a contraception method, which is 99% effective for 5+ years. I am fortunate that my insurance covers this option because I'm unable to take birth control pills or other hormonal contraceptive options, and condoms only have an 82% efficacy rate and pose too high of a risk of pregnancy for someone like me. Without ACA insurance covering contraceptives, I would not be able to afford an IUD and would potentially be in a very dangerous and risky situation. I suppose abstinence is an option but I'm not sure preaching it is any more effective to married thirty year olds than it is for teenagers, which is to say that it isn't realistic and doesn't really work. If you disagree consider that our public school systems teach abstinence and look at our teen pregnancy statistics.

The other reason for writing this story was prompted by some recent diagnostic tests. During those tests we discovered that my IUD was missing. Poof, vanished, closed up shop, skipped town...which is rare to have happen, but I can testify that it can and indeed does happen. To break this down, it means that sometime between June of 2015 and January of 2017, I somehow expelled my IUD without knowing. I have been without contraception for up to eighteen months. Eighteen months!!! What if I had gotten pregnant during that time??? Well...if I had gotten pregnant I would have had to choose between attempting to carry a baby that would very likely be born very premature, if it survived at all, while risking my life, and potentially leaving two twelve year old children without a mother...or I would have had to choose that very hard, very sad, very personal choice to have an abortion which would make me what?...Careless? Irresponsible? A coldhearted monster? A murderer even? Nah, because I have a legitimate reason, right? I had a legitimate reason, right? It's easier to justify when you know my history....but it's the same choice thousands of women have had to make and it's that choice many judge them on without knowing their history and reasons. And frankly, it isn't any our business unless they choose to share those details as I have. Furthermore, who are any of us to judge?

I never thought I would have or need an abortion. I'm quite certain the vast majority of women who find themselves pregnant and have terminated their pregnancies, either by choice or necessity, never thought they would be in that position either. No woman ever wants to experience that kind of physical and emotional pain, but I'm grateful we live in a country where women have access to safe medical care for those services...and while I will not likely be one of the women who will have the need for an abortion, l will never take that right away from the women that do...at least not until I have lived their life and walked a thousand miles in their shoes.

I will warn you in advance, this is a deeply personal post and I will not tolerate any negative or inappropriate comments on this post.