The struggle is real. I will get back to you in a minute, I'm having a night out on the town with friends, but I consider myself polyamorous, and fighting back against the idea of possibly being excluded from someone's life because they found someone else is really difficult, but I have to focus on the fact that that's not the case for the poly community (which is one of the things I find comforting about it).

*get back to in more detail

If I'm brutally transparent here the fear of polyamory stems from my own insecurity. Not feeling truly loved and wanted. That's just human right? And on the other hand could being poly provide more security? Perhaps.

This is true (re: being left for someone else, regardless of relationship style). I should have responded more thoughtfully in that regard, but alcohol has a tendency to also make me feel a little over-enthusiastic about the idea of making conversation lol. At any rate, I am poly, however I purposefully neglected mentioning it because I wanted to create an open conversation that centered around everyone who wanted to participate, not just myself and my experience.

And I would however, not say that fears or insecurities such as being broken up with would exclude someone from being a part of the poly community (taking myself and my experience as an example), in fact, being able to communicate fears such as that, and being open about your feelings (and being very clear that feelings such as that are NOT the responsibility of a partner(s) to alleviate, but rather, your own) can lead to a happier relationship all the way around. In my personal experience, I don't know a single person in a poly relationship who doesn't have some kind of fear surrounding the idea of being broken up with, and multiple breakups all at once are a very real concern. However, what I was poorly attempting to refer to previously, is the idea that you need to break up with someone, in order to be with someone else you also love or because you feel trapped/bored by a single person because you can only be with them (as is the case with monogamy), not the idea that you may fall out of love with one or more people for various reasons. My fear revolves around the idea of someone feeling "trapped in a box" with me because of a monogamous relationship structure (which I have also experienced because there was a time when I thought monogamy was the only option, therefore driving my desire to pursue poly relationships instead) due to my often aloof and adventurous nature. To me, poly means that my partner can have multiple partners who are able to see to their emotional needs when I am unable to, and I am not made to feel like a bad person by nature because I need space, and/or have random adventures to other parts of the country, and/or meet new people. Again, after re-reading my comment, I realize this meaning was utterly indecipherable lol, and I apologize. If I could figure out how, I would go back and edit it, but there doesn't appear to be an option for that for sub-comments. And I have extremely limited experience with BDSM communities, so I do not have any personal experience of note to offer on that

(and in my experience, that "trapped in a box" feeling resulted in a temporary, mutual animosity between my ex-partner and I after separation, which I do not wish to repeat because in hind-sight I now see that there was no real reason for in the grand scheme of things, because it could have been avoided)