I hadn't felt truly lonesome in a while. I was fine all weekend. Today I stayed home and rested lazily mostly. But this afternoon I went for a 3 mile power walk along the trail by the river. It was partly cloudy and perfect. Got back home, got in bed. Watched a movie. Got up made a steak and mushrooms for lunch got back in bed for a nap after my meal. And then the rain. The lovely wonderful rain. We haven't had rain here in months. We are in a drought. I stayed in bed for a few minutes just listening to the sound from my window. Then I got a cup of coffee, went outside and sat under the carport and relished the smell of wet grass and dirt and trees. The breeze and the soft rolling thunder. I reveled in it. The rain downpoured for 45 non-stop minutes. Joy. Then, back to bed. Watched a little TV, then I got up, took a shower, put on my fave jeans, put on a little makeup and went shopping. I didn't spend much. I found a couple utilitarian things I needed. Driving home the loneliness hit me unexpectedly: I've not uttered a single word in conversation to anyone at all today.
Once many years ago I was hit by loneliness. I can only assume that what I experienced was similar to a person with severe claustrophobia being stuck in a small black closet. I had my only panic attack.
Why never again? Quite simply I reasoned why it had occurred. It was due to my prioritising long term goal over the short term self imposed condition of isolation preventing me from satisfying my need for others to converse and have intercourse with. At the time I had been studying for final exams for professional qualification.
I also later on found out that people who have ambition that they are in the course of fulfilling do not have time to experience loneliness. It also strangely seems to affect women more than men.
I am usually quite content being alone. Right up until my visit with my son ends. On the drive home (250 miles) I always get a little nostalgic and melancholy. Then I arrive home happy to have my own bed and TV. Simple pleasure I know but that's all it takes.
You write beautifully my comrade. ...my loneliness is the loss of local hope I can love collaborate co-create with a vivacious bride like you. ...narrow our distance to our ears and speak to me ....I learn from deep listening and I hope you will teach me the other half of Bryan Adams song....pillow talk no need to wash sheets or fold comforters 843 926 1750 800 miles driving so far alone with my 2 Service Cats Kiti&Laila...Larry Carter Center pops up from my caller ID my name not a building
I go days without speaking to anyone. Sometimes I just want to share a beautiful moment with someone - rather than enjoy it alone. I remember sharing beautiful moments with special people and it's hard to get used to not having that option.
I had a close friend with whom I'd share photos or videos of special things throughout the day - as a way to share the experience a bit when we were apart. But since breaking off that relationship, it was quite an adjustment to just enjoy a scene myself without that need to share it with my close friend. That period of adjustment is over and I'm happy to enjoy these special moments alone.
When I'm with others, I don't always really see the intensity, like I do all by myself. I get distracted.
The pendulum swings from too many people around - to not enough - and once in a while we get that just right moment. Have patience and that 'just right moment' will come again. So enjoy the solitude while you have it... You might wish you had it back someday.
You seem like a sweet person. Maybe this temporary loneliness is a price tag on patience and unwillingness to 'settle' or repeat errors born of wishful thinking. Our standards do improve along the way or we aren't learning much. Being ourselves is, in a way, taking care of Nature by respecting her gifts as an expression of private gratitude
I think Nature is about balance; showing overall intentionality in scale balancing events far beyond limitations of personified gods. This too will pass. This atheist sees rain as a good omen:
So what was the movie? I get it, since the evacuations began, I'm the only one on my block that stayed. I go a day or two without seeing or talking to another human. I can handle being alone, but being lonely is another story. Reach out when you feel that way, you'll find your not alone in being lonely.