Why does it take so long to get over someone? Even if it wasn't a good relationship for a deal breaker situation.
I believe we lose a part of ourselves every time we lose anyone who is close and important to our lives wether in a long or short relationship. It's good to have friends and family that is if they haven't abandoned you. I tend to go on nature retreats, camping, hiking just to feel the love of nature, nature is a great remedy to find yourself and start over.
Just some thoughts I've had on this issue. We often mourn "what could have, should have been" too often as much as what really occurred. Knowing that has helped me a great deal but it wasn't until only recently that line of thought has become forefront in my mind.
I don't allow someone to rest on laurels of "best foot forward stage" anymore when stuff goes sideways. There is NO ROOM FOR ERROR early on. NONE. I don't want to look back & kick myself for ignoring an elephant that was there from the beginning because funs were happening.
I've this idea more so about what I don't want with equal weight to what I DO WANT.
It takes quite a bit of effort on someone else's part for me to decide to accept warts & all, but once that happens...yes I'm capable of moving heaven and earth for someone.
Until then refuse to be stuck in 1st or 2nd gear with anyone.
As an aside I had this crackhead idea that stuff would be easier, people would be mellower and more prone to enjoy someone's company without so many "games" than when we were younger. Boy was I wrong. sigh. I'm just going to keep in the forefront of my mind that at my age the exchange rate is forever not in my favor and going to be extremely cautious... tho I'll flirt with abandon until being cuffed again with the assumption it's never going to happen.
Bonding is part of our hard wired nurturing species traits. ....specific connectedness to a spouse is easier to withdraw than our parenting instincts. ....be glad you are a giving tender person and choose someone like you and I for this depth of character rather than looks "chemistry" and the hollow words we fell for....I am over all of "them" in my past because of their religious or political bias against me....being fucked and blown does not negate my need for a meeting of mind....best wishes in your search. ...I am retired mobile and eager to relocate for "her"
I agree that part of why we miss someone who wasn't right for us is that we fell into a habit, be it a good habit or a bad habit, and that can be hard to break. Maybe get into a new routine or hobby that keeps your mind going another direction? It's okay to grieve for a relationship even if it was a bad one... there are always some good aspects of a relationship, even if there are some dealbreaker aspects that cause a breakup.
That's a good question. Could it be habit? You are used to thinking of them (good or bad) and the habit is hard to break. Also, I've noticed, in trying to get my ex-wife out of my head, that it's useful to find someone else to think about, even if it's an imaginary relationship. Of course, that imaginary relationship has to have some sort of emotional weight, or it's just an airy dream.