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What is Love ?

I’ve long believed that one should be sure to be clear and as specific as possible with someone they tell “I love you” what they mean. What does it mean, specifically, to you when you say those words? Do you just assume others mean the same thing you do when they say those words to you?

PolyChocolate 4 June 18
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Too me, too love a living thing is too be lost without it. I love my kitten because she brings me comfort and warmth. I find it harder to love people because I've been hurt and betrayed so many times.

I'm sorry to hear. Your experience/reaction is far more common than most are aware.

I've been hurt too, but my experience is that love is a two way street, meaning there is not only an opportunity to be love but to love as well. I'm a lover. Its my way. : )

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Love is different things for different people at different times in their lives. One's definition of love must change as they and their circumstances change. Is it possible that there is One Love?

JB4now Level 5 June 20, 2018

Not only is it possible, but necessary. Otherwise anyone could anything love without dispute. One could hate love and under your non specific requirements they would be as correct as anyone on the subject.

Plato’s FORMS demand that there be a essence of Love. What do you think that is?

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This response is more about the words I love you than your timeless question, what is love. I don't like the fact that saying "love you" constantly has spread throughout the US culture. It diminishes the importance of the expression to me. Yet I find myself saying it back to others. Maybe I can't escape the norms of my generation.

I get where you are coming from. I try to avoid parroting it back.

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I must have heard "I love you" when what was said was "I really like you." Obviously I have been way off the mark in romantic relationships.
Sometimes the love I have for a few close friends has proven more healthy and rewarding.
As someone here also stated there are some family I love but don't like with exception of my children and grandchild.
As a mom I have super human love for my children. If something would happen to one of them the wound would never heal.

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With a lover: for me it tends to mean that overpowering hormone led emotional pull, but it probably shouldn't, it probably should be something more considered and caring.

Thank you! I couldn’t agree with you more. I have certainly mistaken those ‘feelings’ for love in the past. Further, since I couldn’t know the if the object of my desire was having the same feelings for me. (They often didn’t it seems)

Those ‘failures to launch’ caused me to really think about what I mean when I declare ‘I love you’, not only in a romantic sense but more broadly as well.

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Here's a novel idea LLOL

If someone tells you he/she loves you, ask what that means to them. But only if you're ready to listen, and then share back to them about the reality between you.

And for a clinical definition, paraphrased, love happens when an adequate compendium of needs are satisfied. LLOL

Love that survey 🙂

@girlwithsmiles Yes, "wow" is always best.

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Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more

First thing that came to my mind. Great catchy tune.

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An Serious Mental Illness....Plato.

Coldo Level 8 June 18, 2018
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I'm assuming you mean romantic love, because there's a big difference between that, platonic love, and filial love -- platonic love is the love between friends, filial love is the love between family members. All three, to me, in healthy relationships share similar qualities: a deep abiding mutual affection, trust, and respect -- but romantic love also includes a sexual element and a deeper connection.

Thank you bleurowz. Better than any other answer so far I think you understood what I was asking. To clarify I was talking about ANY TIME you might say ‘I love you’.

I agree and appreciate your delineations. However our definitions differ. I think affection, trust are different than love. I can trust or respect people without loving them. I have certainly had affection for people I was not moved to declare I loved them. (liked, appreciated,admired...) Further, I have loved many times when the feeling was NOT mutual.

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Is not that one of those things you have to learn on your own?

What have you learned?

@PolyChocolate How to use people.

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I love my family (mother/father) because I have to, hard truth. Unfortunately we don't get along well and if we were not related I would have severed ties with them long ago because our relationship has been mostly negative for all involved. I've accepted my part in that but I seem to be the only one. We see each other rarely (less than annually) and it's stressful when we do.

I love my friends and what that means is simple, I will do everything in my power to make sure they are okay. They are good people and I choose to have them in my life because they make me better and I try to do the same for them. This would probably be the only example of love that I feel I own and control.

I have loved some ex-girlfriends because I truly found them to be special people. These were women I was with for multiple years each and when I broke up with them (which was mostly me) it was because our relationship was no longer healthy. That love I would consider inexperienced. Not because I did not love them, but because I allowed those feelings to coalesce before knowing the person enough to know if we were good for and complimented each other.

I love my ex-wife still because I have to. I wish I didn't feel that way and I wish I didn't love her any longer but that's not an option. We haven't spoken in years and I moved out of state and I don't even FB stalk her but I took an oath, and I'm not dead yet. This more than anything I would say is the worst part of marriage; signing into a commitment that has no clause for when one party no longer feels like keeping that commitment. What that love means is if she ever reached out I'd do everything in my power to help her. We'll never be together again and I wouldn't even if she wanted to so anyone who thinks I'm just pining can let that notion go. She's selfish, dishonest, and an all around weak human being, but with all that said an oath is an oath.

I used to assume others meant the same thing as I did when they said "I love you" and after I had learned better, I still thought that when someone said "I do" that they meant the same as the other person. At this point I've realized that words mean nothing for some people, so "I love you" from me is a lot different from most people I've heard it from.

Mattersauce,

I really appreciate how thoughtful and honest your answers were! Does it seem to you that the version of life be you spoke of have in common?

@PolyChocolate I'm not sure what you mean.

We do not choose our parents or our siblings. We do choose our friends and partners. One should be wise in their choices. Once bitten, twice shy?

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No simple answer for me. I love people for many different reasons.

You seem to be saying no definition?

@PolyChocolate For romantic love no. The women l have loved were very different from each other, so the reasons l loved them were all different.

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Mutual attraction,especially if there are plans for a family later on,as Women devote a majority of their time to child production and rearing them,nurturing, while the Male goes out and provides the daily bread. The longing to be together,after the loss of a mate,depression can set in,missing those special moments shared in a life.

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Enduring someone's idiosyncrasies and them tolerating yours.

azzow2 Level 9 June 18, 2018

How do you confirm that others mean the same thing when they tell you they love you

@PolyChocolate Ask them or just enjoy what you have and let time sort it out.

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