Why is the volume on the previews of a blue-ray disc always 5 times the volume of the movie itself?

That's not what I'm writing about.

I have a friend named Doug. He is alive now only in the memories of the people who remember him. As of today.

He did it to himself. He killed himself, an inch at a time. His lifestyle choices brought him to a diabetic coma, the loss of one leg, then three years later, finally back to the hospital and death on the operating table.

Why do I put it so bluntly? First: Because Doug was blunt. He didn't sugar-coat matters. Second: Because this should be a wake-up call to me to take my own health more seriously. It's not that I'm not in much better shape than Doug was, and always have been; but I can be better. And it's not that I haven't been paying attention; but again, I can do better.

What to say of my friend? Of all the souls I have encountered, in my travels, his was the most bloody stubborn. Contrary. Contradictory. Arrogant. Loyal. Generous. Unforgiving. Imaginative. Inflexible. Creative. Determined. Irritable. Irritating. Sarcastic. Proud. Above all, proud.

I don't know exactly how Doug felt about me. We didn't talk about feelings. Men don't do that in our world. None of that touchy-feely stuff. I do know that we had grown apart from our drinking-buddy days. I don't mind that. In many ways, I've matured, where Doug hadn't. He seemed to want to live, emotionally and physically, as an eternal twenty-one year old.

Truth is, I'd been avoiding Doug because his slow disintegration was painful to watch. It's hard to see someone who was once hale, forced to wheel around his own home... and getting worse every week.

I've been expecting today's news for weeks.

My primary emotion is not grief. I'm sure that will come, in time.

My primary feeling is relief. I can't imagine the pain of Doug's daily life, and the injuries his dignity suffered every day. I have my own pride, and I can't imagine that kind of life. To be brought on by an accident would be one thing, but by diabetes is another. I can only imagine he blamed and hated himself for being in that situation and had no desire to prolong his own life... yet wouldn't end it. And now he's out of it.

Goodbye, old friend. I owed you money.