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Why, my friend?

Why is the volume on the previews of a blue-ray disc always 5 times the volume of the movie itself?

That's not what I'm writing about.

I have a friend named Doug. He is alive now only in the memories of the people who remember him. As of today.

He did it to himself. He killed himself, an inch at a time. His lifestyle choices brought him to a diabetic coma, the loss of one leg, then three years later, finally back to the hospital and death on the operating table.

Why do I put it so bluntly? First: Because Doug was blunt. He didn't sugar-coat matters. Second: Because this should be a wake-up call to me to take my own health more seriously. It's not that I'm not in much better shape than Doug was, and always have been; but I can be better. And it's not that I haven't been paying attention; but again, I can do better.

What to say of my friend? Of all the souls I have encountered, in my travels, his was the most bloody stubborn. Contrary. Contradictory. Arrogant. Loyal. Generous. Unforgiving. Imaginative. Inflexible. Creative. Determined. Irritable. Irritating. Sarcastic. Proud. Above all, proud.

I don't know exactly how Doug felt about me. We didn't talk about feelings. Men don't do that in our world. None of that touchy-feely stuff. I do know that we had grown apart from our drinking-buddy days. I don't mind that. In many ways, I've matured, where Doug hadn't. He seemed to want to live, emotionally and physically, as an eternal twenty-one year old.

Truth is, I'd been avoiding Doug because his slow disintegration was painful to watch. It's hard to see someone who was once hale, forced to wheel around his own home... and getting worse every week.

I've been expecting today's news for weeks.

My primary emotion is not grief. I'm sure that will come, in time.

My primary feeling is relief. I can't imagine the pain of Doug's daily life, and the injuries his dignity suffered every day. I have my own pride, and I can't imagine that kind of life. To be brought on by an accident would be one thing, but by diabetes is another. I can only imagine he blamed and hated himself for being in that situation and had no desire to prolong his own life... yet wouldn't end it. And now he's out of it.

Goodbye, old friend. I owed you money.

Paul4747 8 June 22
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7 comments

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1

Beautifully written, but tragic.

I always say this: Our health is our own responsibility. If we don't look after ourselves, someone else will have to.

Not long ago I chatted to someone on here who was just diagnosed with type two diabetes. I told him about the Newcastle Protocol (a diet for reversing type two diabetes). I also have a friend who's reversed his diabetes by intermittent fasting. He no longer needs his medication. There are diets for diabetes. It's possible to lead a healthy life.

The point I'm making is this - there are no excuses. The Internet is there. It's there to use for research for better health. We often have a choice about what we eat.

At the same time I agree with you. It's asking too much to ask you to be involved in his life when he's suffering so much. (I would be an emotional mess). And then a more profound question - why should you care about someone who doesn't care about themselves?

Why care about anybody?
Doug was hard to care about, admittedly, but his good qualities usually outweighed the bad. And truthfully, he didn't want people to care about him. Maybe that's part of my feelings right now. He wouldn't want mourning. A nice wake at the exotic dancers' club, maybe.

@Paul4747

When we care about people, we invest.

0

That was a very well-constructed post - stream of consciousness, human, compassionate. If you haven't read it already, you might enjoy Make Friends With People Who Want the Best For You in Jordon Peterson's book 12 Rules For Life. He too concluded that sometimes you have to avoid people who won't rise to a better level and will only take you down to theirs.

2

Sorry about your loss. I can understand how you’ve felt. It’s so hard to see your friends hurting themselves by not taking care of themselves.

2

In this world we have very little over which we have control; we can educate ourselves, we can exercise, we can love ourselves. It is sad to see someone we care about not caring about themselves.

1

I like your attitude to this ? I really do.

2

That's so sad; I'm sorry for your loss.

One weird thing about taking cannabis oil for cancer is that it's curing other things..like diabetes symptoms and severe food allergies I've had for decades.

Numerous studies show that cannabis treats diabetes, even the secondary diseases associated with diabetes. [healthline.com]

3

Some people never grow up.

Tell me about it !

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