Dealing with a stalker
I've been dealing with a woman that had pretty seriously invaded my privacy, caused significant discomfort for clients at my business, and had begun to say things indirectly threatening my fiance. I filed two peace orders to which she never responded.
I don't know how common this stuff is for people generally... it's odd - if this was a guy, I think I could deal with it easier because violence is understood if it descended to that. I feel pretty powerless to resolve this situation and she manages to still hang out in circles that I have to frequent because of work.
I don't know what I'm asking exactly... how do you deal with this? I'm legally not able to do much, so I realize I have to just suck it up... but still, it's tough. Maybe, I just don't want to feel alone and isolated in this experience. This is definitely not cool.
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.When my ex husband started stalking me, I threatened to tell his new girlfriend, and he quit.
If you can find her Facebook for instance, it would quickly show the people in her life who might influence her, then threaten to tell her mother, employer, or whoever.
Be sure to document her stalking activities because they always deny it.
birdingnut
Level 8
June 25, 2018
0
I'm in Maryland. We have to file a peace order and then, if they ignore it and continue, you can go for a restraining order. She doesnt outright violate the peace order, but she is going right up to the line. She engages people that work for me and sows discord. I'm trying to not add attention to her, but I'm starting to feel like I need to do something proactive. What that is - I have no clue.
Keep documentation of all stalking activities. It was having saved texts/email/calls that worked to my advantage in court. Get witnesses to document also.
There are different types of stalkers. Is she an ex, acquaintance...or a stranger? The difference is motivation. Google ‘types of stalkers’; lots of good info. flyingmonkeysdenied.com is one website with info.
Stay safe.
CarolinaGirl60
Level 8
June 25, 2018
3
Sound advice and I've been doing that. One of the people on my staff does victim's advocacy work for a local police department and has the same training as a therapist. She informed me, to put it succinctly, that she's "one of the kinds that will be around the rest of your life..."
You know martial arts. Your SO knows martial arts as well, yes? Trust in your ability to defend yourselves, physically. There's very little you can do to stop someone from coming after you and cutting your brake lines or setting your house on fire, or shooting you. All you can be is vigilant.
Mostly, what I'm saying, is be confident. Be strong. Don't let this stalker have ANY power over you. If she's making clients uncomfortable - that's on her. If she's talking shit about you to people you work with - that's on her. You do you. She'll fuck herself just fine continuing to do what she's doing.
If it gets to a point where she's making overt threats, is trespassing, is commiting crimes - then it's time to say fuck peace orders (btw - for those that don't know that's a type of restraining order that covers non-family members. Maryland has "Protective orders" for family, and "Peace orders" for non-family. Yes I did creep on your profile, Mr. Mcfunky.) Obviously a restraining order isn't working - so you SUE her ass. Harrassment, Slander, Mental Suffering, whatever. If she's going to break the law over stalking you - use the legal system to your advantage.
And absolute worse case scenario - If she physically harms you or your SO - please use that opportunity to teach her a lesson. If she grabs you - use that BJJ to take her to the ground. If she grabs your SO's hair - have her break this lady's nose.
So in summation - Ignore her and pity her.
If she breaks the law - file a lawsuit.
If she attacks you - Defend yourself.
Best of luck, m8.
SirJet
Level 5
June 25, 2018
4
I'm with all that - absolutely. We both do martial arts, regularly pistol train, and are armed at home. I'm trying to figure out where the lines are on legal and if there is any other means of dealing with it. I'm not convinced courts give justice - it seems to be about money for everyone but the person suffering bullshit behavior. I really just want this p woman to go have a beautiful life far away from me.
I am sorry you are going through this. I can see how it would be a bit more difficult for a man to report being stalked. Would it be wise for you and your fiance to approach her in one of those work/social circle situations? By "peace orders" do you mean the same thing as "restraining orders"? What does your fiance suggest?
DevraisA1
Level 7
June 25, 2018
2
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