Reasonable minds can differ on this and it’s case specific . Kids obviously need love and support and stability . They need adults to model functional relationships . The best way to achieve these factors may differ depending on the parents’ specific circumstances . That said , it’s hard to imagine a loveless marriage as an acceptable fate; better to collaborate on providing the kids with the foregoing without living a lie. Can I also say I absolutely love your profile ? I’m new to this site - it won’t let me message you for some reason .

Kids are very perceptive, even the young ones. They sense tension, stress, notice body language, and tone of voice. Reactions can vary depending on age and personality.

If both parties have no unresolved issues then making and agreeing on a co-parenting plan in the best interest of the children is a good choice.

If there are unresolved issues then getting some help from a professional to work through them, then making a co-parenting plan will benefit the children in the long run.

My parents divorced when I was 7. The older I got, the more and more I was grateful that they did. I can't imagine growing up in a household where they had tried to stay together.

I'm in a spot where we are trying to figure this out. We have been separated for 9 months now, have our own rooms in the house and are basically roommates. Ideally I would buy my own house and move out, but with money issues that is not a feasible solution right now. She had talked about maintaining this situation until our youngest graduates high school in 18 months. I'm tired of living a lie, yet feel stuck due to $$. As for my son, I think he would be fine. She doesnot want to upset him and tell him what is happening, yet his parents live in different rooms. How can he not know, yet she wants to continue with this ruse.

I tried to stick things out with my STBX, but the lines of communication deteriorated too much and to be fair, neither one of us insisted on counseling at a point where it could have made a difference, although if I’m being honest, I think it might have exposed our mismatch even sooner. However, my STBX asked for a separation this year in the middle of some other actions that crossed some boundaries, boundaries where I couldn’t justify her later requests for reconciliation, nor could I justify for the children.

As a result, after the separation, I took it as a wake up call for my physical health, leading to dietary improvements and a boost in my self-esteem, which makes me think that the relationship was just plain unhealthy.

Can't speak about this as a parent but I can speak to this as a child. I would not exist if my parents had not gotten together but they never should have. They were both just too effed up on their own and putting the two of them together in a marriage was a train wreck. I was 14 when they split up for good and even at that age I knew it was for the better. It doesn't sound like your marriage is anywhere near that messed up but why stay together at all? You both know it's over and your profile says your a lawyer so I wouldn't think money would be an issue. Why not just get it over with? It may be hard at first but speaking from personal experience I believe your children would be better in the long run.

Go ahead and get divorced. Why be unhappy? The kids will come to understand. Maybe not at first, but they will. Your freedom to explore and branch out will heal you. Kids always need to know that it's not their fault. Just explain that you both fell out of love and this divorse will be good for both
of You. It will help the family move on and life will get betrer because of it. Just say it will.
Staying in separate rooms with the children there messes with their understanding. Give them a break and move on with the divorce. It is always a rough thing to do... it hurts at first, but time heals both you and your children.

Not, why should they have to put up with 2 miserable people living together, rather the 2 happier people living apart.