The only time I have ever experienced anything like racism was on the beach in Spain. I was walking with a friend when we passed a couple of Spanish kids - around 4 or 5 years old. One turned to the other and said "Cuidado, blancos".

I remember thinking that, perhaps, they should be careful of strangers - but what did our skin colour have to do with anything.

there is no black or white. I talk to anyone who talks to me. it's up to you what you like and do as long as you don't hurt other people or animals. I've always believed there's good, bad and everything in between in all peoples. your skin colour has no reflection on how I would treat you.nearly all the people who have fucked me over have been white.

@clea -- I've been pondering this post of yours for something like a little over three hours. I don't have any answers, but I have something in common with you. Well, maybe not in common, but we share something. I was the white youngster in the black family. This was in the early 1940s and my father was off taking an all expenses paid trip across the Pacific with the Marine Corps. My mother was working 'down the hill' at a hospital where she would be for weeks at a time. As a result, I was staying with Mr. and Mrs. Smith and their two children. The kids were close to my age -- one and two years older.

I felt like a lucky kid. I had two Mamas, two Papas, and two brothers. None of the kids I knew at school had two Mamas or Papas. The brothers were a different deal. Everybody had at least one brother in that farming community, some had several. Anyway, when we finally left the area, it was hard breaking up with my family and I missed them terribly for a long time. My mother did too. She was really close to that family. Whole bunch of crying going on. They had been my family for 8 years Even writing this, I clouded up a little in the remembering. At any rate, what I want to tell you has nothing to do with the post, or maybe it has everything to do with it. I never thought of them in any terms other than family. Ever.

I will admit as a white guy I find smaller women attractive. Not sure if it's stemmed from a Christian upbringing or a caucasian one but it's something I can't deliberately change now. I just find certain body types attractive. I would never demean anyone for it not having that body type though. I think that some people can't imagine what they think is actually subjective. In other words, I know I find certain women attractive, but don't pretend that's the bar every woman should aim for. To me it's closed minded people not race or religion. Just so happens many of the white people you've met (likely many many more) are those closed minded people.

Regardless of race, I'm rather sure there is a wide spectrum of undesirable bigots in all colours. I live in North Dakota and can recall a dark and cold -20f night walking home from the YMCA. I had a dark brown full face mask on when a white high-school age degenerate (thinking I was not white) stopped his car in the middle of the road, rolled down his window stuck his head out and shouted a long tirade of expletives and racial slurs (*&#! N** monkey etc.) including telling me to go back to (!ing) Africa. (I never took off my mask). On the other hand while in the Army, I was "friends?" with several black guys including one who honestly noted, roughly "Look, you're cool here, I like you and all that but if you ever see me in town with my buds, run away or you will get hurt and I will not defend you." When I asked why he responded, "You're the wrong colour". I currently work with Native Americans and prefer their traditional culture to that mainstream white (Christian) culture. As for what I would do given your background? Sadly, it is safe to conclude some (I would like to believe a slight minority but honestly have no idea of the percentage (not all)) white people probably do have a problem with you because your are not the same colour. I wonder though if it is also not a factor or your superior physical strength? Many variants of Christians also teach because you are a woman, you are inferior and not supposed to be as strong as a male) and yes, I have argued with Christians on this topic and most (almost all female) assert that (theistically made up) point. Personally, I don't have a problem with different skin colours or physically well endowed females. I do have issues with different belief structures. When I see a Trump bumper sticker or a gilded cross, I automatically question the honesty, integrity and intelligence of the person driving the car or sporting a crucifix (with or without their saviour dying for them).

I would venture that older white people have a problem, turning it around to be on you. I grew up in East Chicago, IN. In my fourth grade class picture, there are 16 Blacks, 15 Hispanics, and 4 white kids: two girls and two boys. Valerie Farmer wore a dress, had sweaty palms, and carried a doll. My friends had none of that.
We hadn't been taught to be racially prejudice yet. But the indoctrination had started. My father always spouted racial slurs, and I realize now he thought he was better than all Blacks and Hispanics and most other whites and he was just a mechanical engineer! The reason I think older whites have a problem is because I have seen many, many who still believe if someone has one drop of Black's blood, the person is termed Black. I was lucky enough to be intelligent enough and a rebel enough to question my father's belief. I took his words and applied them to my classmates and realized he was lying. Blacks and Hispanics (or any other race or ethnicity) weren't anything he claimed just because of a category. And yet 30 years later, a person in my company's HR was hiring a Spanish teacher from Spain, and asked her what her race was. She replied Caucasian. HR idiot said, no, Caucasians are white. What race are you? Racism is insidious and widespread, I'm afraid. How else to explain what's in the white house? I'm sorry you have been a victim of racism. And as you point out my race labels you a Black woman, so you suffer from double -isms. As a singular country that used blood to define who would be a slave, many Americans still hold onto that to justify their racism. SMFH

It's interesting how tribal humans can be. Good that we can start to recognize the disadvantages of tribalism, but it's still a force. Has anyone suggested that you just go with your instincts, with people you are happy with, your 'tribe' if you will. It is still ok I think to be 'tribal' despite the current trends. No hate, not discrimination, just a pride to be part of your people. Anyway, at 50 and with the advantage of hindsight I see the common grounds are important but the differences are exciting.

It sounds like you had a rough childhood. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Some white people may have a problem with you but that's not important. It sounds like you've made some good friends now. Focus your energy on the people who love you and try to ignore the thoughts of people who don't. Know that it's not your fault and you can't change them. What you can do is not let them affect your happiness (the best way you can). I know it's not easy to just not think about hurtful things that happen. Just try to redirect those thoughts and not dwell on them. If you need to get over some things or talk out some issues I suggest finding a counselor you feel comfortable talking to.