I like be myself with all my defects because of all my experiences I can see what I'm right in and where I must work more. But pure and simple in some situations or with some people I cannot be myself. There are some people maybe smarter or more experienced or some people that I admire more and and they really inhibit me.
Have you ever been in similar situation? Any advice that can be yourself in all situations?
Growing up a military brat I moved a lot and learned to adapt and hid who I was for fear of rejection (bio dad was also absent from my life,hence the fear). I always admired the Cyndi Laupers & Boy Georges of the world though, so by the time social media became a thing and I learned how to use it to communicate with my nieces, the introvert in me decided to be more open about who I really am. Having said that, I do think the current political climate begs me to be cautious again, in the interest of survival and the ability to fight another day, something vital for a liberal minded diplomatic type living in a predominantly conservative Christian area.
When I worked with mentally challenged adults, we were taught that there are several areas of cognitive age.
A 50 year old might have a social intelligence of a 16 year old, and the artistic ability of a toddler, while being Ph.D in mathematics. This helped me realize that we are all moving through some level of intelligence.
Try to imagine the very knowledgeable person telling you whatever makes you feel dumb/ less equal to them, as probably someone very much beneath your experience in some other field, that you've mastered and become an expert in. Think, "Sure you know string theory, but I bet you can't frost a cupcake without destroying it..." We all have some gifts, and we all have deficits.
To a fault, and it often gets me in trouble!
If you cannot be yourself with people, you should not be around those people.
It's something in your telling you to behave a way that is against your own being.
Know that you have just as much right, for intelligence or experience as anyone else.
Value who you are, put who you are first. Don't worry about pleasing others, it never works in the long run.
Best to you.
This is a deeper question than it appears.
First there is the issue of the self. What is it?
In this instance I assume it means being 'authentic'. But since our personality is a product of our life experience and our interactions with other people, how do we know when we're being truly 'authentic'?
We can try to resist being swayed by those around us and make an effort to be closer to our authentic selves. But it's impossible to be 100% ourselves. That would require living in a vacuum.
The only thing that stops people from being themselves is fear. And those fears are always subjective and personal to the individual.
Growing up, i always felt alienated from those around me, even though i had loving parents and have had small groups of friends all my life. So I tried being the chameleon to fit in, and since i was a good actor, this worked for a while giving me most of what i wanted. But by my mid-20s, avoiding who and what i really was had become exhausting, old, and boring.
Once I confronted my specific fears, however, I begin appreciating who i was at my core and what i could bring to every table i decided to sit at. In fact, I relearned how to replace my accommodating behaviours with assertive ones. And it worked, which is why 45 years later, i can look back to a wonderful life which continues to bring me joy, daily.
You asked for advice, but since my father used to say "free advice is good for nothing" this is my suggestion for people to consider.
Confront your specific fears, once you know what they are. Then do what you need to do to be yourself despite your fears by jumping in with both feet. What's the worst that might happen.
If it felt good, do it again; if you have regrets after, learn from the experience and don't do it again.
That's how i've lived my life without regrets, but with lots of learning.
I am always my self. Ok, when out in public I work on standing up straighter than usual but generally always my self.
At almost 56 years of age I don't feel the need to pretend anymore. Plus, thankfully, I have had a decent amount of validation for my self and I have done some work on the stuff that was not as acceptable. I can always improve my self and I can just accept that I am not going to be everyones cup of tea.
Ah , the perks of being older.
I do my best to always unapologetically be myself, though subconsciously I am too aware of when my personality is too much for certain crowds or what have you and i will sort of put a pillow over that. I like to feel out a space before I let my Suzi light shine at max. I will never waiver from my opinions and standings because of popular opinions or standings around me though.
Sounds like you are assessing your environment and altering your behavior accordingly. - - Nothing wrong with that as some environments must be socially navigated differently.
I tend to shine when surrounded by brilliant people and or atheists but I often remain less outgoing when surrounded by delusional theists as we often have significantly different views on most topics.