Yes. Exactly. About a decade ago, I was married. I was madly in love with my husband, as was he with me. However, over our 9 year relationship, he began to change. His needs changed. He decided he wanted to live more of a vagabound life and he wished to become rootless for a few years. I, however, could not do that since I had two children from a previous relationship. I understood that for me to ask him to sacrafice his needs, his dreams in order to give me what I needed, he would never reach his full potential, never have the Full Life he deserved. For a few months I debated what I should do, alone, within my own mind. I knew if I uprooted myself, it would harm my, then, minor children. I knew I could not follow him and although he was willing to sacrafice his needs in order to keep the family together and to remain with me, I knew i loved him too much, selflessly, to the point that I would dream of him night after night... on his deathbed, remembering his life... regretting the things he was never able to do because he passed them up to remain with me. So, after a long period of reflection, I came to him one night and i said to him, "Remember when we began dating... i told you if ever a day came when I believed you could and would be a better man... without me by your side, that I would let you go, walk away?" He said, "yes... i do..." I Then told him I didnt want him to live a life with regrets... that this is his ONE and ONLY life and if he wasted it to be with me and never had the chances to be the Fullest person he could be, then the love is in vain. I wanted Him to be the Best version of himself so that on his deathbed, he would go with No regrets. He begged me not to in the beginning. We were still in love. But... we slowly tapered it off and eventually moved into seperate abodes. We are still best friends. He is now in another relationship with a likeminded woman who can give him the things he needs. I am so happy for him. I loved him, Truly. It is why I set him free. Real Love doesn't serve to dominate nor to control. Real love should be Freeing... it should be the energy that propels us forward. It should not be heavy or cumbersome. Real, genuine love will push You to be the Best Version of yourself. It was real love. It is Still Real love. I will always love him... which is why I freed him.

@TheMiddleWay Thank you. I try to be transparent. I am open about my life, my experiences. I believe the best service we can do for one another in the quest for emotional evolution is to be fearless about sharing the lessons life has taught us. What good are all of those experiences if I merely hoard them and keep them guarded within myself forever? If i learned anything over the duration of my lifetime, it is that people are often too afraid to simply reach out and to try to relate to one another. Someone has to put their hand out first, metaphorically speaking. I suppose, in a sense, I do that by expressing myself openly and hoping something I share can possibly aid another person in figuring out something complex within themselves. It is my hope. It may often fall upon deaf ears, but I still give it a good shot! I think we are too afraid of rejection or of being judged so instead, we put up walls. We close ourselves off to one another. I like to think I am the one smiling in the doorway, reaching out and inviting someone In... rather than locking them out. There is always room for another friend, right?

@TheMiddleWay I love Sting. Synchronicity was one of my favorite albums by The Police. Did you know Sting is going deaf? I know a lot of obscure facts, fyi. hee

@TheMiddleWay hah! okay, that is a bit odd, your description of how you see yourself downloading as much of yourself as possible, because I do the same thing. I am often thinking about how my words will live on beyond my life and someday when I am no longer here, my loved ones will continue to have access to a part of me that lives on, electronically. I think often of various sci-fi novels, movies and shows I adore and of artificial intelligence that finds a way to download itself into a system or human beings who learn to transfer their own concsciousness into a machine. You are starting to trip me out because we do have some very unusual, personal philosophies that match up strickingly similiar. I rarely meet people who I have so many tiny bits of minutia in common with. I will start to read what you write in your reponses and, i swear, a couple of times, I thought I was reading my own response to you when I realized, "uh that isnt my response to him... he wrote this to me..." because what you wrote sounded like myself. I don't like to make things out to sound outlandish or over the top, but seriously, this is happening so frequently now in my conversations with you that I cannot simply deny the obvious. lol! But at the same time, i don't quite know what to make of it. Instead... i shall merely continue to trip my shit out. As for the "Reaching out" portion of my statement. I would say I am more so the one in the corner too, overall. I am the mellow, wall blender, or at least i try to be a wallflower. It rarely is a success because, in person, i tend to have a strong charisma that seems to invite many in. I always Wished i could be the person who merely observed from a distance, and in my older age I have learned a bit how to master this fine art, on the flip side, i realize i was born to be the social butterfly. I was born to bind together people, friends. I cannot help my natural ability to draw others in, hence I feel it is my responsibility to use that gift for the betterment of those around me. Some days, though, I like to be a bump on a log and since I am known for my chill vibe, my steady nature, no high highs, no low lows, i can get away with it from time to time. I prefer to observe, in the darkness, out of sight. I do it when I am out in clubs/bars/et al. When I refer to "reaching out" it is more so... I am welcoming. I am inviting. If one approaches "my door" i would rather open it, invite them in, as opposed to closing it up and locking them out. Metaphores aside, I would rather risk letting others in and take a chance on them over isolating myself from the world for fear of being hurt, taken advantage of or misunderstood. Hands frequently reach out to me! (hahaha) And although I once feared reaching back, I learned to take a chance... jump at new friendship opportunities, jump at open doors, be fearless for the sake of the experiences i could pass up if i over analyze everything, like i once was known to do. I missed so many adventures when I was younger because I was too paranoid, too worried about how to protect my tender underbelly, too afraid of pain and of being hurt when the truth is we Will be Hurt. We Will hurt others whether we mean to or not. It isn't about avoiding pain. It is about deciding who is Worth being hurt by and who is Worth loving enough that you Can understand and accept that Pain is a part of All things, of love, of friendship... just as pleasure and contentment is, as is pain. It is unavoidable. I embrace pain. If not for pain or suffering, how would be ever be prompted to change? Pain is the greatest teachr. Failure is as well. Failure, i never saw it as something that I should be ashamed of. Failure is the art of taking a risk, losing at that risk, and then getting back up again and reaching out to try once more. Failure teaches me. It teaches me what not to repeate. It teaches me to expand myself in ways that find new routes to the end result, to the successful answer. I find the gifts and the lessons rather than finding ways to criticize, to fear, to run, to give in, to give up on the things in life that cause me pain. I would rather not be crippled by life. Hence, I find the beauty within the pain and i find the courage to get back up again and take a risk even after I have failed. This is why I reach the hand out, too. I reach the hand out, I invite a stranger into my life with a kind smile because... this is a Lonely World... people have fears. I would like to think I can learn to become a Beckon to those obscured from the light and to show them, "sometimes you must be the first one to reach out and to trust, even blindly..." perhaps if i lead by example, it can begin as a ripple in a pond... in time, that energy makes its way around the entire body of water. I may never know the end result, but I needn't know. It is simply enough to know the energy I meant to express has made its way out there... anonymously. Where it ends and who it touches, no one will ever know, but to know it is out there, growing... that is what I wished to achieve all along.

@TheMiddleWay I can safely say that in my few decades upon the face of the Earth, I so rarely run in to people with as similiar an outlook that it is somewhat bizzaaroo. I mean, im mellow and chill so nothing really gets me too freaked out. I just find it... interesting in a scientific way, as well. Like, probability wise, for example. Kinda weird, dont'cha think, sir? And yes, I am not fully integrated, yet I consider myself an American. I hold a lot of my tradition in high esteem and I live by many of those Asian principles, Eastern Philosophies. They are an integral part of who I am. I consider myself more Asian than I do anything else, American included. I have felt the differences as an Asian, esp since having moved to white bread America, Michigan. It is whiiiite here! Wow! And although I am half, I have no relations to my French roots, really. And yes, soft sciences were my typical range, but I branched out in to medicine. I intend to eventually end with my Doc of Obstetrics. I am already specializing in Nursing. Ob-gyn. I wish to bring life into this world for this next phase of my life. I am ready to be the one to be the first human being to ever touch this... new life... to welcome new life into the world... i can think of nothing more gratifying these days. I once believed it was Psychology/Psychiatry where I would find the most enrichment, but I now believe it is in Celebrating New Life... its no longer a focus on repairing old wounds. At one time in my life, as i was needing my own healing, I felt a need to heal in return, the pain of others. I choose to mentally heal. Now-a-days I am beyond the need for repair and for healing as I am beginning to understand how to operate this life. I am ready to become that... centering force now, to set up some sort of spiritual rooting that can give me the wisdom to understand the gravity of bring something as precious and as sacred as a new being into life. How... amazing will that be?! and, hey, we ARE unique! uniquely badass... just sayin.

@TheMiddleWay "We are both long winded (nah, thorough! lol) " Nah, we just have much to say and wish to clarify all aspects of the point(s) being made. Yes, we are thorough! Those who say we are long winded and rambling are just jealous that we are so damn accurate and resourceful in our findings! bwahaha

@TheMiddleWay yes. it is the same for me. i am glad/relieved that you referred to buddhism as a philosophy and not as a religion. And, suprise surprise, again, i agree with your perception of buddhism as well. And no, it isnt just lip service. I do mean it.

I am happy you enjoyed it. I figured that poor video would simply become lost amidst the swarms of posts here at this site. Good to know someone viewed it and appreciated it as well.

@Sadoi Goodness always find a way to stay afloat. We all sacrifice for those we love. For your age you had experienced a lot. I will say beyond your years and is not a bad thing after all because you had lived and still with so much more ahead. Enjoy all 2018 can bring to you.