I have a female relative who was in a relationship with a guy for several years that was just like this. He was a married cop, who probably, like many cops, had one or two other side GFs. He would show up at her place unannounced and expect dinner and/or sex. The sex, she said, was fantastic, plus she was in her 40s and too inhibited to face the prospect of more dating, her clock was ticking, etc. She had a thousand reasons for not showing him the door, but she eventually did. I never heard what put her over the top, but it's a relationship a woman with a solid, stable center wouldn't have been a part of to begin with. Guys like that can smell real or perceived desperation a mile away, and are happy to exploit it.

If he makes me feel small, used, taken for granted, replaceable and/or expendable & demonstrates that he has no sense of commitment toward me as anything but "friend"when the relationship has moved beyond that, time to go. No one should feel secondary or tertiary in a one-on-one relationship.

If he’s not calling her his girlfriend, he is not, in fact, treating her like one. I recommend that she leave him and only take him back if he proves that he wants a commitment.

I will also add, even tho find repeating myself like a broken record, that the following is working for me in all sorts of relationships.
If you(global) can't/won't fulfill the role you're given, be you plumber, tutor, close friend, tertiary friend, grandmother, etc etc depending on circumstance you're asking to be "fired" from your position.
If I was in that guy's shoes, and she meant anything to me beyond bonky kong what is important to her , if I was ignoring it.... I'd not be surprised if I was "fired" from my position of "boyfriend". Since it sounds like he's failing in giving her the one thing she seems to need.
Yes actions speak louder than words, but no bread crumbing allowed.

What helps me with a tough decision is to take a piece of paper, draw a line down the middle, and label the columns "Pro" and "Con."

Then list the pros and cons.

This will help your friend think objectively, organize her thoughts, and hopefully, leave him.

She needs to start fucking other people, yesterday. JMO

Not a fun position.

As a guy, I can't fully appreciate her perspective as I do not desire the title "girl" friend.

Sounds like (if she desired to be recognized (or advance beyond) "girlfriend" - -indicating a serious/intimate relationship - - she may be wise to find a man willing to fully recognize her contribution to his life as her current relationship does not recognize her contributions.

I have found life is short and the time windows for finding a significant other is very limited. Hope she finds a positive outcome.

If the lady in question is happy as you say, then maybe she is not as conflicted as you are about her relationship. My advice would be to let her decide for herself whether to stay or walk away .Relationships are tricky and complicated and are best left to the two who are involved to get on with it without interference.

Are you kidding? If the guy isn't proud of me, making me happy, etc., I don't hesitate to dump him.

trying to make a relationship something that is not.... it's kind of an awful thing to do and awful place to be. at best it's ill advised, and probably impossible.