65 5

For those who have no children, would you date a partner with a child?

If you didn't have a child, would you be willing to accept a partner who does have children? Would you consider those children your own if the relationship was serious? How involved in raising them would you be?

By Nerdyowltx
Options Favorite Like

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence, and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy

Create your free account

65 comments

5

I've dated single mothers in the past but find myself no longer wanting to. In all of the relationships the relationship never came first always the child, as it should be! The issue with this though is that I never felt like we were creating a special bond between us. I always felt expendable as if a decision came between me and a better life for the child they would always choose the child. Again, as it should be. A few times that decision was to dump me to be with the child's father again. It always felt like I was just there so the mother wouldn't be lonely. When things ended it always really hurt because you get attached to the kids and you feel terrible because they have no idea what is going on and why you aren't around anymore. Basically, it came down to "you're not the father" and I hated that.

lck1256 Level 4 July 29, 2018
Reply

You've touched on the reality that, selfishly speaking, there's no buzz-kill like children. If anyone wants romance, it probably should not involve minor children. All one's life-force goes into nurturing them, worrying about them, keeping them from harming themselves, etc.

In practical terms though, the typical scenario for people of a certain age involves not just children but some messy blended family scenario. For me it was, most recently:

1) Me, with two adult children
2) Her, with two high school-age teens
3) Her ex and the dipshit he remarried, and the resultant custody and child support ass-kicking contests and lack of discipline coordination between households, etc.
4) One of my kids and one of hers having trouble launching due to mental health issues
5) Did I mention: teens?
6) Why were we together again???

4

I have children, but I'm answering anyway. =P LOL!

While I prefer to date someone who either has no children, or none at home, I am not letting that in any way restrict who I make connections with here on this site. All of the ladies I have established a rapport with here either have children at home, or are empty nesters. If I wound up in a relationship and the woman had one or more young'uns at home, how close I got to them would depend largely on their situation. Is dad involved in their lives? If so, I would never presume to replace him. I would just become another adult in their lives, and if we all wound up living together I'm sure I would function as a co-parent, but the message would be clear that they have a dad and it ain't me. I would work to make that situation as positive for the kids as possible.

Now with that said, I love kids and I know that--unless they were complete monsters and every moment in their presence was misery (which would likely impact my relationship with mom)--I'd love them too and would behave as a nurturing and loving father to them.

IAMGROOT Level 7 July 29, 2018
Reply
4

Absolutely not.
Never would, never did.
Not my circus, not my monkeys.

SkotlandSkye Level 8 July 29, 2018
Reply
4

Most likely not. If she's a good mother, you come last. If she's a poor mother, that's not the type of woman to be with. Also, not my monkeys, not my circus.

Omen6Actual Level 7 July 29, 2018
Reply
3

Absolutely. I've done it before. I would be in, 100%. Divorce, death of a parent, separation, are all adverse childhood experiences (ACE). I would want to be a positive support in their life, to help them work through it.

nutrition_nerd Level 7 July 29, 2018
Reply
3

I enjoy children and being around them, so having a partner with children would not be a big deal to me. I've always wanted to be a mother some day, but have struggled with the ethics of bringing more children into our world (which is why I'm leaning towards adoption if I ever do decide to have a family), that said, if my partner already had children that would work out fairly ideally for me. I would easily accept their children as my own and would want to be as involved in their lives as any other mother would want to be.

Mea Level 7 July 29, 2018
Reply
3

I'm in my 50s. Been there. Done that. If a man similar in age has young kids I'd be like WTF? I would not want to negotiate time five ways: mine, his, his and mine, his with his kids, his baby momma's demands. Too old for that. Just not enough time anymore.

LilAtheistLady Level 7 July 29, 2018
Reply
2

Absolutely. Most men grow up when they have kids. I would rather him have a child than be a child.

LionMousePudding Level 6 Aug 10, 2018
Reply
2

Yes, and I did more than once. I now have a lovely stepdaughter in her 30s, who is a brilliant lawyer!

Healthydoc70 Level 6 July 31, 2018
Reply
2

I met and married a woman with a child. I fell in love with him first. We were together for 19 years and had three girls. Unfortunately our son[I had adopted him] died in an avalanche a few years ago.

JanGarber Level 7 July 29, 2018
Reply
2

I have done so in the past. It's a difficult line to walk--if you get close to the children and it doesn't work out with the parent, that's another messy little heartbreak. On the other hand, you can't date a parent for very long without getting to know their kids.
I stayed in an abusive relationship for the sake of her child (and because I was not very good at relationships and boundaries yet), and the whole thing was very difficult for all involved. That does not mean it is not worth a try. (Well, except the abusive part. Don't try that.)

Drewesque Level 5 July 29, 2018
Reply
2

I think it would depend on a) how long he had been broken up from the mother and b) how old the kids are. If the kids are under 12 or the man has only been divorced under a year no thanks.

GwenC Level 6 July 29, 2018
Reply
2

At this point in my life, any children any potential date might have, need to be completely grown, with jobs, and out on their own.

KKGator Level 9 July 29, 2018
Reply
2

I am not interested in dating someone with children because I don't want to have or raise kids.

joeymf86 Level 7 July 29, 2018
Reply
2

I have and would again. The only worry for me is attachment to the kids and the relationship ending very badly.

Jess2zz Level 5 July 29, 2018
Reply
1

Most likely I wouldn't date a person with children. I have no desire to be a father. I don't the patience and understanding a child would need. No, I wouldn't consider them my own if I ended up with a partner with children and do little with raising them.

freedom41 Level 7 July 31, 2018
Reply
1

I have and would date someone with a child. I had no problem with being with her or helping her raise her daughter. However, I asked if it was alright if she didn’t call me dad. I was happy to play that role, but I didn’t want her to “replace” (if you will) her actual father with me. I wanted her real father to be a part of her life.

The two of them had personal issues, but he was still a good dad to their daughter. Actually, it turned out that she was the crazy one which is why our relationship didn’t work.

Leo716 Level 6 July 30, 2018
Reply
1

I don’t know it depends if I really loved the person, i always had the idea that it should be something both my partner and experience for the first time... together.

However, if I ever did love someone with a child prior to me entering her life, then I would treat that child as my own. Coming from a broken home family is important to me, so how involved in raising them? Very much involved.

Jerome Level 5 July 29, 2018
Reply
1

Personally, I would. I cannot speak for anyone else, but if I dated someone and enjoyed their company, I wouldn't have a problem with a child. And I wouldn't fret over what is until the what if became a this is.
Over the years, ive dated women with children and have shouldered the responsib8lity of being a good and decent role model for her child or children.

Beamdump2020 Level 4 July 29, 2018
Reply
1

I love children and I could accept a partner with children and I think they could be like mine.
In the past I had a parter with a girl, I and she have loved each other.

Sensiwoman7 Level 6 July 29, 2018
Reply

I don’t have a problem with children. It’s unfortunate when the relationship ends because I’ve grown attached to not only the lady but the children also.

1

Yes.

Tucker79 Level 5 July 29, 2018
Reply
1

Hmm, good question with no good answer (for me, anyway). I don't want kids. I don't want to be "dad" to anyone. I'm not opposed to being a positive influence in more limited ways, in a more avuncular capacity, but I'd probably never move in or assume a parental role. But if the romantic relationship became serious enough, I don't know how those roles would remain clearly defined. I think my best bet is to date childless women or those whose children are fully grown.

resserts Level 8 July 29, 2018
Reply
1

Yes, she would be better able to put up with my childishness.

tallguy241 Level 6 July 29, 2018
Reply
1

Yes. Absolutely!

brownH50 Level 6 July 29, 2018
Reply
1

One of the best moves i ever made was dating a woman with a child. Matt and I are closer after the divorce than he is with his mother. Children can give you the highest high and drive you to despair, Both teach a lot and make you a better person.They can also make for some real fun dates.

BillF Level 6 July 29, 2018
Reply
Write Comment
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content read full disclaimer
  • Agnostic.comis the largest non-profit community for atheists, agnostics, humanists, freethinkers, skeptics and others happy without religion!