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For those who have no children, would you date a partner with a child?

If you didn't have a child, would you be willing to accept a partner who does have children? Would you consider those children your own if the relationship was serious? How involved in raising them would you be?

TwistyOwl 5 July 29
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56 comments

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1

I love children and I could accept a partner with children and I think they could be like mine.
In the past I had a parter with a girl, I and she have loved each other.

I don’t have a problem with children. It’s unfortunate when the relationship ends because I’ve grown attached to not only the lady but the children also.

0

I most certainly would and would definitely want to be involved in raising them. I have never had a desire to have kids of my own, but children seem to love me, and I enjoy having fun with them.

children are a huge responsibility and a bigger burden. The fun part is only when they belong to some other person who will take them away at end of the day.

0

Have done has it good and bad points . Now I'm a single dad not sure what I'm gonna do opportunity hasn't arisen yet so not sure what will happen

Simon1 Level 7 July 29, 2018

I can recall examples from people I know where it worked and where the consequences were grave. Like all aspects of life, life is a gamble full of dangers and ultimately it is a deadly disease.

6

I've dated single mothers in the past but find myself no longer wanting to. In all of the relationships the relationship never came first always the child, as it should be! The issue with this though is that I never felt like we were creating a special bond between us. I always felt expendable as if a decision came between me and a better life for the child they would always choose the child. Again, as it should be. A few times that decision was to dump me to be with the child's father again. It always felt like I was just there so the mother wouldn't be lonely. When things ended it always really hurt because you get attached to the kids and you feel terrible because they have no idea what is going on and why you aren't around anymore. Basically, it came down to "you're not the father" and I hated that.

You've touched on the reality that, selfishly speaking, there's no buzz-kill like children. If anyone wants romance, it probably should not involve minor children. All one's life-force goes into nurturing them, worrying about them, keeping them from harming themselves, etc.

In practical terms though, the typical scenario for people of a certain age involves not just children but some messy blended family scenario. For me it was, most recently:

  1. Me, with two adult children
  2. Her, with two high school-age teens
  3. Her ex and the dipshit he remarried, and the resultant custody and child support ass-kicking contests and lack of discipline coordination between households, etc.
  4. One of my kids and one of hers having trouble launching due to mental health issues
  5. Did I mention: teens?
  6. Why were we together again???
0

I have. I certainly would again.

Ozman Level 7 July 29, 2018

Hell, we've been broken up for over a decade now, and barely talk at this point (we remained friends for years). I am still her kids' favourite uncle, and helped raise them when she couldn't.

1

Hmmm. I did. We dated as a monagamous couple but kept separate residences until her 2 were off to college. Then we moved in together. Still together after 22 years. We're married now. I consider her kids my stepchildren and we get along fine. Last year I became a grandfather.

Unusual. First, a human being is not a monogamous animal. Not only there is a huge difference between male and female, the first is commanded by evolution to spread seeds; the second has just several hundred and she is looking for the biggest brute with the biggest club to bring home the bacon. Secondly, evolution keeps couple naturally together for about a dozen years after the youngest child is born; time needed to raise the brood to self-sufficiency. Most divorces are occurring in the 12 to 20-year mark. People that stay together longer, for life sometimes, mastered the craft of successful working on the business of staying together. It takes work to constantly appreciate my partner, to derive happiness from my partner's behavior, bad or good alike. Every city in the civilized world has one swingers club for perhaps 100,000 people. I study and admire those people. It seems they found a way of leading a happy life, firmly grounded, usually more educated and affluent. Yes, they break up as others do, but usually without the associated trauma.

1

But only if the baby mama drama is mild. I will not date a guy who has a constant battle with his kids mom

0

I'm in my late 60s, too old and set in my ways to have to deal with someone's else children in my home. My kids are grown, when I want a kiddie fix, I visit my adult children.

0

I would and I would love her kids and do my best to support them.

0

Absolutely, %100.

1

I did marry a single mom (second marriage) with an autistic and delayed development child.
We have been together for 20 years... SHe is my best everything, even though sometimes
drives me nuts 🙂

I do not think that it should matter - either you are in (all pluses and "minuses" ) or you are not...
If the one is the one, than he/she is the one... Everything else is an icing on a cake 🙂

0

Probably not. Got burned pretty badly by my ex. I do not ever want to hear someone whisper romantically in my ear “I love you because now I have so much more money to give to my kids”. To some people irony is a metal used in making guns and SUVs.

0

I am childfree, so the possibility of me dating someone with children is close to zero. I have gotten involved with a man with tweenagers, and it ended up a complete nightmare and a brutal moment of realization that I would never come first in his life—ever. I had emergency surgery, and he was basically MIA. His eldest kid had failed to study for a class all semester long, and he "had" to help the kid cram for an exam rather than tend to my needs. So ... that was that. I have a lot of childfree and childless single friends who have had the same experience with single parents, being put on the far back burner.

I wouldn't rule out dating and getting involved with someone with adult children, but it would depend on the type of relationship the man had with his kids. Of course I would want him to be interested in his kids' lives, but not overly-involved—if that makes any sense.

The relationship with your spouse is the most important one you'll ever have. This is the person who will take care of you as you age, and then enter the last days of life. So relationships can only thrive when two people put each other first, above all others. Some people, like my parents, are capable of doing this. Others aren't. That makes it really difficult to have an honest conversation with someone with adult children.

0

Not a chance.

Orbit Level 7 Nov 30, 2018
1

I might have considered it when I was MUCH younger, but not now.
Besides, anyone who could possibly be interested in me would have
grown children by now.
LOL

2

Yes, and I did more than once. I now have a lovely stepdaughter in her 30s, who is a brilliant lawyer!

0

Most likely I wouldn't date a person with children. I have no desire to be a father. I don't the patience and understanding a child would need. No, I wouldn't consider them my own if I ended up with a partner with children and do little with raising them.

0

Yes
Maybe - depends on the circumstances, at my age most women are empty nesters and I'm pretty sure I don't ever want to live with anyone again
Not at all as I wouldn't date anyone with young kids, I chose not to have children and I'm happy with that choice.

0

Absolutely.

0

The women I go out with frequently have adult children, so it really isn't an issue.

0

I never thought I would... until I did. I've never had an interest in children so it was odd at first but not terrible.

In one scenario I was also spoiled in that my girlfriend was married so I was able to help out sometimes when they needed me but I wasn't overwhelmed by the scenario.

As kind as they're not looking for me to be their new dad of the bat I'm okay with dating someone with kids now.

1

I have and would date someone with a child. I had no problem with being with her or helping her raise her daughter. However, I asked if it was alright if she didn’t call me dad. I was happy to play that role, but I didn’t want her to “replace” (if you will) her actual father with me. I wanted her real father to be a part of her life.

The two of them had personal issues, but he was still a good dad to their daughter. Actually, it turned out that she was the crazy one which is why our relationship didn’t work.

Leo716 Level 6 July 30, 2018
1

At my age any woman going out with me is not likely to have children living at home. I can tell you from experience, grown children can be a much larger pain in the ass than the younger ones.

4

I met and married a woman with a child. I fell in love with him first. We were together for 19 years and had three girls. Unfortunately our son[I had adopted him] died in an avalanche a few years ago.

1

Personally, I would. I cannot speak for anyone else, but if I dated someone and enjoyed their company, I wouldn't have a problem with a child. And I wouldn't fret over what is until the what if became a this is.
Over the years, ive dated women with children and have shouldered the responsib8lity of being a good and decent role model for her child or children.

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