Three men who had sold their souls were given a last chance to redeem themselves. All they had to do was name one request the devil couldn’t fulfill. The first asked for a roomful of gold and the devil immediately conjured it up. The second asked for the most beautiful woman in the world to be his slave, and the devil, with a wave of his hand, produced her. The third man farted, and said to the devil, “Catch it and paint it green.”

Do you know why all the chicks dug Jesus?

He was hung like this (arms stretched out as if crucified)!

Works better in person, but you get it.

What's red, white and black and can't fit down an elevator shaft......a nun with a spear through her head.....ok bad, What's easier to have....Jesus or a painting of Jesus......Painting, only takes one nail.

Jesus Christ is dying on the cross, his disciples are gathered around, crying. Peter looks up and notices that Jesus seems to be calling him, “Peter, come hither!”

Immediately Peter rushes over to the cross, only to be hit severely over the head by the roman guard. He gets on his feet again and wants to return to the other disciples when he hears Jesus calling again, “Peter, come hither!”

The faithful disciple struggles to climb the cross and after a long while he finally arrives at his Lord’s side. Hurting, suffering, bleeding, Peter looks into his Master’s eyes and asks, “yes, my Lord. What is it?” Jesus smiles lovingly and looks off into the distance as a weak smile plays across his face, “Look Peter, I can see your house from here!”

My favorite salad dressing is Cross Dressing. ( thought it was funny but it's actually stupid.)

Why don't churches offer free Wi-Fi?
They don't want to compete with an invisible power that actually exists

jesus looks over the bill after the last supper .....”why the...sigh who the fuck ordered WINE?”

A bartender walks into a mosque, a cathedral, and a church. He apparently doesn't know how to tell a joke.

Jesus is the most popular Cross dresser I know.

The Photographer
A photographer was photographing Durham Cathedral . At the rear of the cathedral he noticed a narrow window and peered through it and he saw the Bishop of Durham masturbating. As quick as flash he managed to take several photos. Later, that evening he called the Bishop of Durham and explained that he taken some compromising photos of him that afternoon.

Straightway, the Bishop of Durham knew that he was going to be blackmailed and asked the the caller how much money he wanted for the pictures and negatives. The photographer said that he wanted £15.00 for the pictures and negatives and £10,000 for the camera. The Bishop of Durham said that he only wanted the pictures and negatives but was told that it is a package deal and that is it all or nothing.

They make an arrangement to meet up and exchange pictures and negatives and camera for £10,015. A few days later the Bishop of Durham is photographing the rose bed in the grounds of the cathedral, unannounced, the Bishop of York happens by. After greeting each other the Bishop of York comments on the camera saying, ‘ I do say that is a smashing camera, how much did you pay for it?’ When the Bishop of Durham says £10,000 the Bishop of York, shocked says, ‘£10,000! You paid ten thousand pounds for that camera? The man must have seen you coming.’

Jesus walks into an inn, hands the clerk 3 nails and says "can you put me up for the night?"

Nailed it.

A rabbi, a priest, and a preacher are playing golf. They are discussing how much of their money to give to god. The preacher draws a circle on the ground and says he will throw his money up in the air and whatever lands inside the circle he keeps and the rest belongs to god. The priest says he throws his money up in the air and whatever lands inside the circle goes to god and the rest he keeps. The rabbi says he throws his money up in the air and whatever god wants, he keeps.

in 1486, the Pope declared that all the Jews must leave Rome. The Jewish population, of course, was quite riled by this, and a compromise was reached. The Pope would meet with a representative of the Jews, and debate the testament. If the Pope won, theJews had to leave, but if the Jews won, they could stay.
The day arrived, and the two groups met at the designated place. Old Rabbi Mochie had been selected for the debate, but since the Jews spoke only Hebrew, and the Pope only Latin, a form of Charades was chosen for the two men to speak.

The Pope stepped up, and told his Cardinals, "I'm holding up three fingers to represent the Trinity". They nodded, as Rabbi Mochie held up one finger.
"What does that mean, Holy Father?" the Cardinals asked.
"He's reminding me that we still have one God, common to us," the Pope replied.
Next, the Pope waived his hand around his head, and told his Cardinals, "This is telling him that God is all around us". They nodded again. Rabbi Mochie, however, took one finger and pointed it solidly at the ground at his feet.
"What does that mean, Holy Father?" the Cardinals asked.
The Pope, with a stunned look on his face, answered, "He says that God is also here with us".
Feeling determined, the Pope reached into his robes, and pulled out wafer and wine, telling his Cardinals, "The blood and Body of Christ. Surely he will understand!"
But old Mochie pulled out an Apple. The Pope threw his hands up in the air, crying out "Ah! The original sin, common to our people! I cannot beat this man. The Jews can stay!"

Seeing the Pope and his Cardinals leaving, the Jews ran up to Mochie, and asked, "What happened, Rabbi?"
Mocha stood scratching his head, and answered, "Honestly, I have no idea. First, he said we had three days to get out of Rome, so I gave him the finger. Then, he said 'a;; the Jews will be cleared out', so I said, We're staying put!"
The other jews smiled widely, but still had questions. "But Rabbi - what happened at the end?"
"Who knows?" Mochie said, taking a bite from his apple. "He brought out his lunch, so I brought out mine!"

Here's one.

Well this is not the best but is the latest I found. One of those "walk into a bar"

(Q) What is the difference in a woman in a bath and a woman in church? (A) A woman in church has hope in her soul.

Looking for the Abraham son sacrifice parallel in Hinduism, led me to this which is hillarious.

"Shiva Lingam - How the Worship of a Penis started in Hinduism"

[jaisiyaram.com]

Three nuns are sitting on a park bench.
A man comes up and exposes himself to them.
Two of them have a stroke. But the third one couldn't reach.
(6)

Stop me if you've heard this one before: Yahweh tells Abraham to kill his son, Isaac, as a sacrifice. Abraham prepares everything without question and is about to plunge a knife into his own son's chest when Yahweh says, "Just kidding!" Oh, that one gets me every time.

some consider Revelations 8:1 to be scriptural evidence that no women will be in heaven. i myself think there won't be any men either, but thats not funny.