This is awesome and rather fun. I wish I could take credit, but it was written by a Robert H. Butler, who is a member of one of my more interesting facebook groups. I should invite him here, if he's not already here!

Notice there are definitions for more than religion-related stuff.

Everything Explained in Tomato Form
By Robert H. Butler

Knowledge is knowing the tomato is a fruit and not a vegetable.

Wisdom is knowing not to put the tomato into a fruit salad.

Philosophy is wondering if ketchup is a smoothie.

Science is comparing the make up of the ketchup to known smoothies to find out.

Magic is making tomatoes and a garden appear fully formed with no history, evolution natural processes, chemical requirements, or any other naturalistic processes.

Religion is deciding that the ketchup bottle is proof that the tomato was intelligently designed.

Spirituality is deciding the tomato has a ghost.

Faith is believing in an invisible and totally undetectable tomato because it is necessary in order for physical tomatoes to exist, and demanding someone prove the invisible intelligent tomato is not real.

Agnosticism is thinking invisible tomato's can't be known to exist or not exist.

Atheism is calling bullshit on the invisible tomato until evidence is presented that it is real.

Apologetics is a field wherein you make excuses for why the invisible tomato cannot revealed itself but can still be clearly known by its invisible qualities.

Trolling is throwing rotten tomatoes because you're a lonely sad sack that just wants SOMEONE to pay attention to you for a moment.

Scientology is having an invisible potato and demanding it get the same tax exemption as the invisible tomato.

Mormonism is being able to marry multiple women because the invisible tomato said so on gold plates nobody ever saw.

Catholicism is feeling guilty about enjoying real tomatoes and donating money to the church so it can pay out settlements to the families whose kids were molested by priests of the invisible tomato.

Islam is beheading people who don't worship the invisible tomato.

Terrorism is killing the farmers today in the hopes of getting tomatos in a garden in Heaven.

Judaism is being the chosen fruitcake by the invisible tomato.

Paganism is worshipping an invisible fruit salad.

Pantheism is worshipping the garden where real tomatoes grow.

Hinduism is meditating on the invisible tomato.

Buddhism is the endless cycle of farming as the cause of tomatoes.

Protestantism is having many real tomatoes and thinking they are a reward from the almighty invisible tomato.

Humanism is putting the real gardner and real tomatos before the ghost gardner and invisible tomatos.

Evolution is tracing the genetic line of the tomato and finding its ancestry through the fossil record and publishing your years of research in peer reviewed journals.

Creationism is believing the invisible tomato created the earthly tomato whole and intact in its current form and thinking the evolution argument is bullshit, conspiracy, and a lie from the invisible tomato's enemy, the invisible orange.

Intelligent Design is being unable to distinguish between the designed and human manufactured ketchup and the undesigned naturally occuring evolved tomato.

The crucifixion is the belief that the invisible tomato sent itself to Earth as a real tomato to be violently turned into ketchup to appease itself in its invisible state, descended into the Heinz Factory, and then restored itself to a living tomato before ascending to heaven to be reunited with the invisible tomato aspect of itself.

Televangelism is promising many invisible tomatoes after death if you send the televangelist real tomatoes today.

Business is selling real tomatoes and wishing you didn't have to pay the farmer.

Nationalism is saying your tomato garden is the best, and occasionally fucking up the gardens of our neighbors.

War is throwing tomatoes instead of harvesting them and eating them, then wondering why people are hungry.

Charity is giving tomatos to people without gardens.

Greed is taking other peoples gardens then blaming them for not having tomatoes to eat.

Government is taxing the farmer that feeds people and exempting the profits of the invisible tomato worship organization.