Not Your Usual Mother - Part III

It's as if she had a rotating wheel of fortune that she spun daily to see what horrible thing she would say to torment this day.

She “caught” me reading a Harlequin romance book one day. I believe she thought it to be some type of porn when in reality it was nothing more than a romance, with a kiss on the lips. She took the book and beat me with it, and called me a “slut” and a “whore.” The boyfriend I had at the time she found us kissing on the couch, and practically picked him up by the ear and tossed him down the front steps of the house, yelling “Don't come back till you lose 50 lbs, and get rid of your acne.”

I don't know what made her this way. My father's early death? Did this make her bitter that he died so young at age 42. She would always say, “If you don't stop eating you're going to die before you get to 42. You won't even live as long as you father.” Did her own childhood become so horrific that it did something inside to her? My Aunt used to say that my mother was sitting on a fence. If she fell off one way she would be in a mental institution. If she fell off the other way she would be fine. I guess this was her way of saying she was unbalanced.

My childhood was so sad. I grew to learn there was nothing I could do to change her. Later on in life I didn't even want to. She did not want to be put in a nursing home and would cuss and rant and rave if I did that she would come back and haunt me.

We kept her at home until she was 100 years old. Then she became a danger to herself and others setting a pot on the stove on fire, forgetting she had been cooking dinner.

She always told me that she would die in a year after being put in the nursing home. She did.

A couple of weeks before her demise, a bird flew in the house, and right towards my hair. I was hollering and shooing it. I looked at my son as we had just come from visiting her, and said she will not be alive much longer. He asked me why. I said because mother said that when a bird comes in the house it is a signal of someone who will be passing soon. She was gone within a two weeks.

All I felt when she was gone was a relief. It was like a giant pressure had been lifted off me. I finally felt free to be me.

So if I am a bit off the wall here and t here. If I try to make others happy or if I salute life with all my heart and I'm “EXTRA.” I'm the better person for it. All the years with her taught me to be kind to others. Treat them the way I wanted to be treated.

I shall strive to do so every day for the rest of my life. If it makes me an “enabler” so be it. Although, I am trying not to fall back into that role.

Thanks for listening. And if you are lucky to have a loving parent, cherish them. Give them as much love as you can.

You are one of the lucky ones.