Agnostic.com

17 8

A question for the ladies, and maybe us males might learn something.

If you like cats, are kittens ugly or cute?
I like cats, in fact I like all animals. But I find kittens particularly cute. Regardless of their shape, size, proportions, colouring, markings, length of fur or eye colour, I find them cute.
I like women, I have found every woman I have been with attractive. I find almost every woman within my age range attractive, regardless of any physical factors. They are all so different, yet I find each one attractive in her own right.
People have often said to me that they never thought of a particular woman as attractive before, but now (when I have been going out with them) they realise that they missed something.
Women really blossom when they feel good about themselves. I often have a sense of disbelief when considering some of the ladies I spend time with, they are such stunners some of them, by the looks we get, many people around also think I am punching above my weight. Of course after a while, the ladies realise they are drawing the attention of more guys, and I usually get left for someone more desirable. Yet I think I have worked out why I have little problem finding ladies to go out with. When I first see a woman, they tend to avoid eye contact, when I first meet them they show little interest, yet women I have come to know (single women) do tend to show some interest in spending time together, often it is just platonic. The world is so caught up on aesthetics, particularly where women are concerned, and women are the harshest critics of other women. My current line of thinking is that for a woman it can be that it is more important to be with a guy that makes her feel desirable than to be with a guy who is desirable himself. I don't mean that if the guy is repulsive that it makes her look attractive by comparison, I mean that if the guy responds to her as extremely attractive she accepts herself to be so and so she feels better about herself, quite happy in fact.
So for the ladies, an Adonis who makes you feel average or a Danny Devito who makes you feel you are Aphrodite?
To help clear the thought process, imagine you are the last two people in the world, so the opinions of others count for nothing/

Rugglesby 8 Jan 26
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

17 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

1

It is all about the connection between two people, as someone once said, it is how your quirky bits mesh, or something like that.

1

"women really blossom when they feel good about themselves" - which comes from inside themselves, & in no way depends on what a man, any man, thinks of them.

1

Truth be known ...I would love to be treated like a sexual piece of man meat ;you know with like all these women just staring when I walk down the street and what not. andi promise itf it ever happens ill let y'all know about it!!! (my last word here is that growl thing that roy orbison does in the song Pretty Woman)
PEACE

0

Neither one is very appealing to me. I have dated both and the extreme of either end was NOT fun.

3

I started scrolling the other comments as I tried to articulate my response, and @IndySent has already said it far better than I could. I do want to feel I am desired by a partner -- and if we're partners then I do desire him and I know how to show it. I'm not stuck on looks, and would absolutely be unwilling to pair up with a Gaston type. Especially if he were that ignorant. I want someone who likes at least some of the things I do, who has his own interests and thinks for himself, and is willing to discuss topics serious and mundane with his brain in gear.

1

I don't care as long as we can have a laugh and lots of hugs

1

The first thing I thought after reading your question was "Would I want to be treated
like Aphrodite?" A little rusty with the Grecian Pantheon so I had to look her up. 🙂 lol!
I think everyone wants to feel desired and heard by their lover regardless of societies current physical markers of 'attractiveness'.
As far as being the last two people on earth issue as long as we could find a way to have good conversations and share the work load of survival we would get along ok regardless of appearances.
Or we wouldn't... really don't want to find out.

1

I don't rely on the opinion a man has of my body to define my happiness no matter what they look like..... if that's all you bring to the table move on

2

Simple. Danny DeVito. In relationship.

But, getting to the point of actually feeling like he MEANS the words of affection and is not only trying to get laid, is another story.

Meaning, if I meet somebody who I am not particularly attracted to -- or even not attracted to at all -- it is going to take many interactions, meetings, conversations, etc. for me to discover the parts about him that actually do make him attractive to me.

So, regardless of what he looks like, if I get to the point of wanting to make out and have sex with him, it would be FAR more important to me that he ultimately be like DeVito than Adonis in personality.

That said, there are a couple physical things I would not be able to get beyond. Uncared for teeth is an example. And, I do NOT consider myself shallow.

From this guys perspective, I don't look at photos on dating sites, I read profiles and if contact begins I note her comments. I go for the mind, a compatible brain in a jar is a good start.

2

I'll take the Adonis. I don't need a man to make me feel any kind of way about myself. But if he's all that's left, I'll make do.

0

Since I lost the 47lbs, I have become more aesthetic. I don't wear makeup though. I just dress nice and workout at the gym. (I was sick for a week, and then work took over. So Monday I'll get to go to the gym, finally.) There is no man around me interested in me, so I just focus on my life. Maybe one day I might get lucky again and find a boyfriend.

Never think you need a partner to complete you. When I decide to shed some weight, it is purely because I have some project I want to complete such as taking a particular trek or paddling out to an island for a week or two.

I did it to feel better about myself. Also to totally make my ex want me back. Just so I could tell him, "No."

awesome; check me out with red hair ! you want me now huh.....yeah well im tired of being seen only as a sex god,...........im a human with beautiful mind too so there!!!

2

Because men had never taught me anything about women... I am listening.

4

Both hubbies were easy on the eyes, and made me feel like a Quasimodo. A 3' tall troll that treats me like a queen & laughs at my jokes, baby, would be Hot!

3

Looks have never been a factor for me. Nearly all of my boyfriends have "punched above their weight", but not by much. And most of them have been quite older than me. I was drawn to intelligence and wit.

I'm no knockout, but I've had good reviews. Only a couple of times have I encountered overly-effusive praise of my appearance that gave me pause. I don't like the feeling of being put on a pedestal nor that the guy I'm with doesn't feel worthy of me. I'm not wrapped up in anybody's looks, so the thought that a guy thinks he doesn't deserve me because of how I look is really discomfiting.

I always appreciated the lift I got from a dose of healthy admiration, but I never felt like I needed it. More than that, too much of it makes me nervous.

Very very well said. Most of those sentiments are exactly my own!

I will add, however, that I found at the end of my last relationship, that I would appreciate SOME verbal affection. Having ZERO is not fun. It didn't alter my self esteem, it just made me think that I was "just a girlfriend" to him. While I KNOW he appreciated me, I also KNOW he did not treasure me. And, if he did, I would never have known.

2

Another hint..I am one of the most difficult types of woman to court; although I resemble a cis woman, I'm really bigender/gender fluid/androgynous, so have strong male traits.
Yet men have often successfully courted me by being indirect; charming, funny, befriending me cautiously and gradually inserting themselves into my life by joining me in activities I love...hiking, ballroom dancing, birding, etc. If the guy starts to make demands of me or pressuring me commit to him, that's often my cue to exit stage right. Confidence and seeming to be be emotionally independent can intrigue women.

3

I'll take Danny Devito any day.

I LOVE him! And his wife, too!

@birdingnut They're divorced.

@KKGator I didn't know that. Now I do. 🙂

@KKGator Oh, yeah, But I love them both anyway..great comic actors. I especially love them in Matilda, LOL! Wait. They are separated, but not divorced, as far as I've heard.

1

Hmm...a few problems with that. I look like a 65 year old female.
Nothing sexy male about me.

Yet I am androgynous, with such a strong male personality that, despite being mostly asexual, I effortlessly pick up women without realizing it and once I notice the crowd of gorgeous young giggling women around me (in Thailand, there are many gorgeous women, but the Koreans are a cut above in looks) I quickly snap out of it and make some excuse to disappear. As an asexual, I have no problem accidentally landing the fish, but I'm a "vegetarian."

Women are attracted to my strong, bold male vibe, apparently, both in the US and when I moved to Thailand where most people seem to be bi. I have to be careful after three Thai women in a row at work, the married Thai female school owner, my female supervisor, and one of the female staff, got crushes on me, unbeknownst to me, and when I didn't reciprocate the way they liked, they took revenge on me.

I learned to always behave in a neutral manner, but it still sometimes happens. I have learned to carefully answer when a married female boss starts propositioning me (which happened two weeks ago)-I thank her, but say I don't really "take lovers," etc. Mainly, I try to keep her happy so she doesn't try to get me fired.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:18615
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.