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Am I too young?

I keep finding the same thing when I put myself out there. "Vaccines cause autism you know" Or "If you're not a hard left liberal you're a Trump supporter and a racist" or just simply "idk all I pay attention to is facebook." Then there is the rare occasion I find someone I might mesh with and look they are too far away or don't like a smoker. I get that I have flaws but where is the variety, nuance, and intellectual crowd? Is it because I'm too young to find many people like me? Can you guys give me any advise/constructive criticism?(be gentle, I am a prideful youth after all)

SocraticAddict 6 Feb 1

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16 comments

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1

Widen the net.

0

Yes I can SCIENCE is the key to the truth, Follow science with the intellectual side of your brain and never will you steered incorrectly.

EMC2 Level 8 Feb 1, 2018
2

Location, location, location.

First of all, you're quite attractive so right out of the gate, you're ahead of the race. I haven't read all the comments here, just skimmed. I doubt I can add much, but I don't think it's about age. Smoking is a big turnoff, though. I think the main problem has more to do with where you live. I suggest getting involved with some meetups in your area. This site has posted several links --- meetups, and groups for freethinkers, atheists, agnostics, humanists, skeptics, and philosophers.

[meetup.com]

1

Be patient. It will happen when it happens. Just be sure you are in the right place emotionally to appreciate it when it does. Right now you should spend your time really getting to know yourself and what is really important to you, so that you know what you're looking for. Although it's not everything, compatibility is very, very important, in things big and small. One thing I've learned with age is that the "shopping list" way of looking for a partner has a lot of merit. And once you find someone, don't rush into anything....wait until the honeymoon period of infatuation is over....get to know the real person, and let them know the real you.

marga Level 7 Feb 1, 2018
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I think it's an unfortunate time to be seeking anyone. Our society has let its self become the biggest pawn in the largest game of divide and conquer ever known. My cousins in Europe ask me why do your citizens let yourselves be played with like that?
The media is only a tool that being used to divide people and make everything seem to have a right or left. We all (hopefully, logically) know thats not the case but everyday we are conditioned to think so. The right brings a lot of fear into the narrative and that grabs a lot of people and really instills the thinking that everyone is either wrong or out to get you at every turn.
We all need to be part of a solution to take control of our lives back.
You are a very nice looking young man. My advice being a late 50's woman is to try to get to know people as friends by talking about all the other things you might be interested in. If you find that people can't get on board with that they are actually doing you a favor. Life has to be more about what brings you joy than what either makes you afraid or angry or both. Depending on your interests maybe take some classes or join a group of some sort. If you are really passionate about politics join a campaign you believe in, you will find like minded people that way. Don't be a in a hurry and don't feel that you need to settle, but relationships are a huge compromise no matter how many things you have in common. Try not to be too put off and try to bring sanity into your conversations in a respectful way. "Vaccines cause Autism you know" ask more questions, if someone states a right or left bias ask questions. People who really want to learn something will respond with answers you can respond to. Some people think out loud and really aren't 100% invested in what they say but are more just repeating something they haven't given a whole lot of thought to.
Smoking, you didn't say what you smoke so I'm assuming it's cigarettes. The jury is in about cigarettes, they have no redeeming value accept addiction and illness, but you know that. It isn't pleasant to kiss a smoker if you are not a smoker and even if you do smoke sometimes it's still not pleasant. Quitting is difficult, I get that and did it many times before it stuck but now I can't imagine ever smoking again the way that you can't imagine never smoking again.
I know this is long but your post struck a sympathies nerve with me because I often imagine how difficult it must be to be young today compared to when I was your age in the 80's good luck to you!

If I'm being honest, I think you pointed out to me something I do that I didn't realize. When I hear a polarized sounding opinion, or somebody brings up pseudoscience (like vaccines and autism) sometimes, maybe many times, I assume they may not be willing to listen to the centrist view, or hear what I've learned through scientific journals. I tend to sugar coat my position or dilute it to the point of not finding out if they might be willing to hear what I really think. I'm big on respectful discussion, so maybe I've gone past respectful to not demonstrating an opinion at all. Complete agreement on the cigarettes bit. I've quit for 6 months in the past but fell back into it. I'm getting closer to being in a stable point in my life that I might take another crack at it. I appreciate the advice. Definitely gave me some points to think about.

I've learned too that somethings I just can't have an informed position on. We usually hear two sides but still we are just picking a side, we really don't know the truth and do we really need to??? About vaccines for instance. I've heard both sides, there are the scientists and there are the parents who had normal kids one day and their kid gets a shot and then they exhibit signs of autism. I know a couple of these parents, their stories are true. But they don't prove anything. And drug companies even if they knew something was wrong wouldn't survive the lawsuits, so in my mind, I don't know the truth and will never know the truth. Could I pick a side? Sure. Will it help me win friends and influence people, probably not. Maybe relationships need to just be more organic and left to agree to disagree. If you can find someone like that maybe that is the pot at the end of the rainbow. There is a prayer I like, actually I really like the last line, it is the key to everything for me. It goes like this God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. It works just as well without the God part. Seek wisdom!

3

Dude, CHILL the fuck out!!!
There's no need to be in a hurry. Especially when it comes to finding someone. If you're
like most people, you're going to have relationships with multiple people during the course of your life. You meet them when you meet them. When you're actively looking, and in a hurry to accomplish whatever, mistakes can be made. Be careful. Take a breath. Figure out what is important to you. Learning to enjoy your own company takes off a lot of the pressure to "couple-up" It also makes it easier to figure out when you've actually met someone worth spending your time with. It's more important to figure out what your own motivations are, and what you don't want.
When you're younger, it's almost like a feeding-frenzy when you first get out on your own. There's so much to do, and adjust to. It can be borderline sensory-overload. I wish you well, and good fortune, in your quests. Just remember to breathe.

I've run past your comment about 4 times after I first read it and the first line still makes me laugh. I have a tendency to over think things. Thanks for pulling my feet back to the ground. 🙂

@SocraticAddict You are SO welcome! Really glad I could give you a laugh, and hopefully, a little perspective. This is a wonderful community. I hope you feel welcome here. I know I do.

1

What it is mate is most people are fake and believe a load of crap and on top of that you need to fancy each other. don't go looking as you might seem desperate. you will click with someone or not. trust me you can be more unhappy with the wrong person and more lonely than single. choose wisely.

3

As a conservative atheist I have found much of the same things. Politics are a very polarizing topic, most atheist are either hard left or lean left .(maybe they know something we don't) as for finding a date get offline . My experience has shown standard go way up the more options that are available. Also try to get to know someone without talking about politics or religion you might make a friend instead of an opponent. Look for the things you have in common instead of the things that are different.

3

Don't be in a hurry, you'll get there. I agree that your opening line may be a bit off-putting, but you'll weed out the ladies that can't handle your type of debate/conversation. If you smoke cigarettes, you should quit that shit. It's bad for your health and too many people are either quitters themselves and don't want to be around it to avoid temptation, or are non-smokers and don't like it to begin with. If you don't smoke cigarettes, mention that somewhere and maybe don't have the cigar pic as your main one, lol. Plus the cigar and stout pic makes you look like a bit of a douche. JS. You look cute in it (which one is you? both men are in the pic are good looking), but it's a bit pretentious.

I second dating older women. If you're not looking to have your own kids, ladies in their 30s tend to have their head on a little straighter and many I know would have no problem with cynicism. (you seem a tad cynical)

Definitely no arguement with the smoking bit. I tried to quit a little over a year ago then fell into a rough patch. I'm giving myself some time to build up the willpower and stability to give another shot. People say it takes several tries before you can quit. I was kind of concerned about the pic as well(I'm the one on the right). I don't end up taking a lot of pictures of myself so I don't have much to work with. Any photo tips?

@SocraticAddict all along I thought you were the guy in the foreground

Use the one with you at work for your main photo. It's cute and you look like a fun guy. Keep the cigar one on your profile, just don't use it as your main pic.

My daughter is trying to quit too. She's been smoking a few years and is just 19 this month... I got her a vape for Christmas. That seems to be helping.

@btroje lol sorry to disappoint 😛 . The better looking one is my non related brother. We've been friends for 10yrs so if anyone knows me they know him too.

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if the first line of your bio is any indication how you approach the world you're going to have some troubles. I'm not saying that's bad I'm just saying your expectations might be out of line with your actions.

good point. I never read that. Early on he asked me something along the lines if only young people could see good possibilities in things

we all have room and ways to grow i suppose.

@btroje I hope you don't think I was being judgemental with that comment. I am an optimist and obviously being young it's hard to not be naive. The two together can make me see an idea as pessimistic rather than realistic. I was more or less probing to see if it's me being naive or if the future could actually improve.

@SocraticAddict this may not answer your question but 25 is moving beyond that youthful stage and more toward getting the patina of age and experience. just my thoughts. Written words from strangers are easy to misinterpret. I did find that comment insulting though

@btroje then I apologize and retract the statement entirely. Was not intending to insult you.

@SocraticAddict thank you and apology accepted. I made myself have a growth experience and did not block you incase there was a misunderstanding

@SocraticAddict all I can suggest about photos is get one with only you in it or start using pictures of the sky

good job y'all. nice to see.

0

It is because you are looking for people online. You can never truly know a person online, all you are going to get are bits and pieces and opinions. It's easy to polarize online, focus on a single thing about someone.

0

The only way tobacco companies can afford to continually market their death products to the new and younger smokers (kids) they need to replace all the customers they lose to death (kill off) each year with their product is through the support of everyone who pays them.
Smoking is not a victimless crime. Smokers perpetuate the cycle of putridness, cancer and slow painful death by giving their money to RJ Reynolds.

I will never date a smoker. They are morally unfit.

So does that mean you won't date meat eaters?

Meat is food. You can't eat tobacco. You can eat your date though.

@Jack-of-scythes practicality above all

I am a victim therefore I am a perpetrator, therefore I create more victims, therfore they are perpetrators. Logically we're getting rid of all of the morally unfit. Perfect system. No need for change...curious what was your comment supposed to accomplish?

@SocraticAddict No mystery. Same as all comments. To make known an opinion. Cheers.

1

I don't have any advice on dating. However, it's interesting you get accused of being a Trump supporter for not being "a hard left liberal.". I suppose I could be classified as "a hard left liberal" and I have been accused of being a Trump supporter for complaining about the Democratic Party.. You don't like the DNC? You must be a Trump supporter. "There are only two sides and you're either with us or with them" mentality.

@WizardBill Bernie wasn't subjected to opposition research from the RNC like Clinton was. People tend to forget that in their assertion that he'd have won the general.

When the stakes are high enough, I agree with that line of thinking. The problem was that not enough people realized this. Abstaining from the vote because your being a pouty bitch is the same thing as a vote for Trump, and switching sides is essentially 2 votes, which is probably why he won.

@WizardBill I'm with you on that. Jeff, I've heard that argument. Democratic party needs to choose better candidates so they don't have to resort to using fear and shame attempts to get people to vote for them. There was definitely a huge anti-establishment, air for change, sentiment in the 2016 election. The populous had the choice between a very establishment candidate and a con-man so they chose the con-man. Call me a "pouty bitch" but I'm done voting for politicians who are bought and paid for by corporations. All sell out politicians have led to income disparity increasing, which has led to individuals becoming so desperate they fell for a con-man like Trump.

@WizardBill Here is my story on the day of the general election. I really, really didn't want Trump as president. I also was finding it hard to vote for Hillary after what happened in the primaries. Leading up to election day I watched the polls closely. I didn't know what I was going to do until the day of the election. The MSM was showing Hillary up by 4 or 5 in Wisconsin. I figured it was one vote anyway and I was sure Donald the douche wasn't going to win...Hell the MSM was presenting it as a foregone conclusion Hillary was going to win. I voted Jill Stein. I took the day off and went fishing. I live in a conservative area, and on the way fishing I kept passing Trump signs in people's yards. That made me nervous. I went home later and watched the results come in. I was in shock. The next day, hell for the next few weeks, I had a strange and eerie feeling, like I was living in a dangerous country. That being said, I'm torn, I still don't want to back corporate candidates. It's a mess and I believe the saying that power corrupts

1

As a youth who also is going through this I would also love some advise. I have always wondered if it was just me that’s weird or if I’m just #woke lol /s

6

First, if you read it on the internet it has to be true, ask anyone.
Age may be a factor, you may be out of synch with most your age? It will change in time, your circle of contacts will expand. If you are more mature than your peers, hang with older people. Out of curiosity, I wonder how many people in your age group are in this site? Every human has flaws don't sweat it. Maybe don't do all the searching, become a little more visible, let people find you, get involved in groups/causes that interest you, then stay alert for signs that someone may be interested. I have seen some of your comments, more mature than most you age. DO what I did, ha, I went for the older ladies. Bad Rugglesby.

1

Maybe get out of DFW? (I grew up in DFW so I'm speaking from experience)

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