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Did leaving religion left you with a void?

I'm not sure what is broken or missing inside me but I feel like I'm trying to fill the void God left behind for e.g. when my friends and family die, I'll never see them again because there is no afterlife. This makes feel like I'm walk on eggshells around them. I don't want to hurt them or upset them even when they're wrong and upsetting me. I want them to know I love them and I always will. They don't understand where my emotions are coming from because there is no meeting again after this life. This makes me feel so overwhelmed and lost. Suddenly yolo is real. In 4 billion years the sun will expand and engulf the earth or burn it to a crisp total destroying any signs of life. If there is life evolving somewhere else and they look at this barren rock and they'll never know about its ancient inhabitants and it's once rich atmosphere and diverse life forms. We and earth will just cease to exist. The universe will go on billions of years after us and might even stop expanding one day.... Something about this foreverness and eventual death of everything haunts me. I don't know why I need closure. I know the facts and I've accepted them but I'm not comforted by them.

bluefairy 6 Feb 3
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18 comments

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1

The void I felt was nothing like that. It was more that I had nothing in common with the religious around me because when they began in with the God talk I just had to voice my opinion and of course I was the odd one out but that was decafes ago and now more and more folks are catching on and catching up so I no longer feel as alone. As a child I was the only one I knew who didnt buy into the God thing and now I know several!

1

Reality is not necessarily comforting. You need to make peace with it. I did have a void in friends and family, but that can all be replaced.

JK666 Level 7 Feb 14, 2018
1

Never was that attached to religion. It wasn't a bandage to be ripped off but more of a scab that shriveled and fell away of its own accord. Never provided answers or comfort. Just demanded time and tithe.

1

Scary huh? Not having anyone to lean on but yourself...If it dosen't work out for you, you can always go back...right?....LOL

I could have not said it better!!!

2

No, leaving religion didn’t become a void. In facr, it felt liberating and metaphorically speaking it opened up a vast universe of possibilities. I don’t worry about the afterlife! Rather, I focus on living the best life possible and contribute to the wellbeing of others. We cannot and should not attempt to control others’ perceptions; their opinion ends in the wastebadket shortly after I hear it and process it. Ultimately, we only have control of how we perceive reality and how we react to that perception. IOW, if they don’t understand you it’s OK; they have no obligation to do so

1

I didn't leave religion as much as I sought out a better truth for myself. I have no regrets, lost nothing and found satisfaction on a better pathway for myself.

2

No it took the weight of a thousand bricks off my head.

1

After years of being programmed by religion, I can understand how one might feel a void. I've never felt that way myself, but I think I get it. I have no fear of death though. Having no memory of a time before I was born, I think of death the same way. We live on through memories, pictures, and now social media. Of course, energy cannot be destroyed, it just changes form so part of us will always be around until the end of time. We are stardust.

Great answer!!

3

Not at all..in fact it left me feeling liberated..especially from guilt for many human feeling..like sex or masturbation..or fear of death..

Leaving religion both liberated and scared me. But honestly I never felt guilty when I sinned. So when I prayed for forgiveness it wasn't genuine. God had to see in my heart I didn't give a shit but now that I'm free and know there is no such thing as sin my friends are amused when I don't judge ppl for getting pregnant outside of marriage, having abortions, choosing polygram relationships etc etc

@bluefairy
Totally agree with you..

2

I did too. My grandfather died and took my belief in god with him. My struggles are different. But I took a lot of comfort in reanalysing what I already knew.

That what we are made of is not new, never was.
It came from the death of stars much older than our own sun. We are all made of star stuff. We ARE, in a way, the universe. We are the way that the universe is able to experience itself (Carl Sagan).

What that means to me is that, as different as every individual is, you ARE everyone. Try to think on that. Every act of kindness, act of hate, or jealousy, anything you have felt or done to another you have inevitably done to yourself. Simply because you experience it as well.

To me this always gave a much lighter definition to "happiness is what you make of it." Be happy, spread it, and you experience it from yourself. At the end of the day, internal change is always the strongest.

I do think about this and get some comfort from it.... But it doesn't fill the void...

At a recent memorial for a very dear member of my family I stood in front of the weeping and dispairing participants and said: “Yes, we will miss her terribly! However, understand that each of us is <her>. We have grown with her guidance, kindness and grace; so, each if us is in large part a ‘copy’ of her. In every thought and action we are who she was - she will always be with us. We don’t have to wait for an afterlife to be with her again”

1
4

Honestly, it was like removing a festering splinter.

1

As to having a void myself... Not at all.

I was probably 19, at university, and decided... "If I'm going to call myself a Christian, I need to get serious about the Bible and really know what it is I believe. Time to grow up."

Wow, that didn't go as planned. I started reading from page 1 with intent of really understanding it. That was harder than I thought, shit was like reading Beowulf. The words were in English, but I really wasn't getting the gist of a lot of it. (King James) I ended pulling multiple translations, including one in plain modern English. I could not believe what I was reading. Who believes this shit? That was circa 1988, so the internet wasn't available for a good while yet. All this was at the university library.

I though I had to be misunderstanding. I then found Asimov's guides to the Bible. Turns out, I didn't misunderstand shit. In fact, I missed a lot of subtle disgusting things. It was even worse than I thought.

I decided my family that subjected me to that nonsense were fools and I just "moved on" for many years. Sept 11 kind of woke me up to the dangers of others believing.

You explained the process of my deconvertion! I wanted to be a good Christian and do what God wants without man's perversion, so I did what my pastor said to do, study the Bible with the same diligence you'll study your school work which included reading translations and other literature... Wanting to be a better Christian turned me into an atheist hahaha I could never understand how ppl could claim to "study" the Bible or be lost and searched for God and find this $h!+ and think they're redeemed!! (I had the edge of the internet though lol 😛)

1

This may be a waste of your time, but have you seen Julia Sweeney's "Letting Go of God"?

Not only is fabulous and entertaining, she struggles with many of same issues. Hearing her work them may be valuable, she's pretty insightful. Worst case, you'd have a good laugh or two.

I'll look for this

Wow, the entire thing is on YouTube. Really, I hope everyone watches if they've not yet seen it. I bet if five people watch it, at least one person buys a copy.

I saw her perform it in person several months before this was filmed. We were part of practice for the big video production, I guess. We were blown away. This was at one James Randi's "The Amazing Meeting"s We own on video today, how could we not after seeing her perform it live?

5

You are processing the existential nature of life. It does not trouble me that I will never see people I have loved again. I still have them fondly tucked into my memory and recall them frequently with pleasure. It does not bother me that I will soon die -- that is the nature of reality. Why should it bother me that this planet and all traces of human life will eventually be obliterated? The only meaning that our existence has is that which we give to it here and now through our decisions and actions. That is fine with me. It is reality.

I've knew all this when I was a Christian but having a God at the end of it all gave closure. It's like watching an intense movie and then it sudden ends and you're left asking wtf happened?? And because I'm so high on emotions from the movie the sudden ending gives me anxiety... I guess I'm still trying to get over the effects of my brainwashing...

you are smart enough to get this far!! You are smart enough to continue your growth toward peace of mind

1

Don't forget to love yourself. Letting people treat you poorly isn't conducive to well-being. Life is a very short amount of time, but that's why it's important to live it moment to moment with as much resistance against the negative mental states and as much cultivation to the positive ones in yourself and other people.

Life was crap for me for a while after Christianity. It wasn't better during, but at the time, I suppressed the negative emotions so much because I was SUPPOSED to be a happy Christian. So all of those emotions started to come out slowly over time, and they caused a lot of turbulence to the point where it felt like something was missing, some stabilizing feature to all the mess. Meditation helped and science in the form of medical diagnoses and treatment.

I think the reality is you can fill the hole with anything and everything, moment to moment, and you get to choose, and that's what matters. It doesn't go away until you die, but that's okay because until then it's just available space for whatever interests you.

The second part of your comment is just normal universal paranoia. Everyone gets that. I think Carl Sagan has the best antidote:

"For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love."

"everyone gets that." I'm glad to know I'm not the only one haha I never worried about it when I believed in God. It started after I left religion. I guess I'm still trying to get over the effects of my brainwashing.

1

Not a void, just a bad taste in my mouth.

5

Since walking away from my beliefs, I have never felt a void. And, I actually find comfort in knowing that we (our atoms and energy) continue on after we die allowing other life to exist. The thought of eternal consciousness has the opposite effect for me--I find it very unappealing. Seriously--what would one do with an eternity? Both time, and life, would lose all meaning. Life is precious and rare--enjoy it-- and your loved ones--while you may.

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