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I hope people aren't annoyed that I chose this category for my question, but I really want replies from some "deep thinkers" and/or those trained in psychology.

With that being said, I may blow this from the beginning by using a "pop culture" phrase that may annoy the expert, but I don't know what else to use.

Up until recently, I had jobs were I worked independently and didn't have to work in groups or have a boss looking over my shoulder. I now have a job I like, but I'm perplexed by two of my co-workers' behavior. Both of them seem overtly passive-aggressive.

My question is this: What is the best way (some of the best ways) to deal with passive-aggressive people? One of the two people mentioned above is not my boss, but has some power in the company and I don't want to handle this the wrong way.

I'm also relatively new to this workplace, so I'm learning the culture and such.

Any input, discussion or advice is welcome. Thank you!

orange_girl 8 Feb 4
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9 comments

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It is early days,
I think show from the beginning you are assertive, that you are not aggressive in any way, but no push over, that you stand your ground. When they are being passive aggressive, treat it as aggressive, and push back a little so your boundaries stand. If it is a comment made, address the bit that niggles you, no matter how gently they have couched it, do the same.

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Passive Agessive is the worst personality trait in business. The person who exhibits that trait is the weak link. When two people on the same team have it? It drags everyone down. They will sabotage...most of the time consciously aware that their action/inaction is a form of punishment to everyone else.

Don't feed their passive aggressive tendencies. When you see the signs? Redirect their energy. If there are two people doing it...you will have to redirect AND separate them to different tasks.

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My boss is passive-aggressive. Idk any others at my work like that though. If she wants someone to not work at the store anymore, she'll schedule them for 1 work day at 3 hrs in the whole week. Someone just quit because she did that. I've only seen 2 people go. They kept calling off though. One kept stating that he hated it there. The one that hated it there, his boyfriend quit first. Only because he wouldn't shave or shower. The other one kept calling off, she was super slow, she got complaints a lot, and wouldn't smile at all. So, I can see why she did it that way. Firing them would make them eligible for unemployment.

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Have you considered workplace violence?

Isn’t that referred to as going postal?

@orange_girl You took my answer completely wrong. I was suggesting that as a possible solution to your problem.

@Lisav1961 My daughter works for the USPS and they resent that saying.

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Damn, sounds familiar, as a prior ‘immediate supervisor’ was passive aggressive. Not that long ago, there was a lot more specific and nuanced advice online than I can give from memory or experience... I wasn’t the only target, it appeared to shift between ‘we subordinates.’ With that, we agreed to organize, and “document (document, document)” the punishing behaviour we noticed or endured.

The perpetrator was a total kissass to higher authority, so they’d be puzzled as to ‘why we were having so much trouble.’ It’s damn tuff with the P/A being ‘your boss.’ I reached a ‘do as you're told’ attitude, documented well -- where I could flip through a few pages - then read their original instructions back! You get to know what’s basically a setup … so after any fresh criticism, I’d allow them to watch me take ‘additional notes’.. It never totally stopped or cured them ..but usually got them off my back, if on to coworkers…

Eventually, the P/A creep was ‘found out’ and reassigned, but after a tremendous loss of good people ~

Varn Level 8 Feb 4, 2018

@orange_girl Hopefully, any company or agency that wants to retain ‘good people’ will respond to their concerns.. Though their remedy may depend on ‘how valuable’ they view the offender vs the employees they’d potentially lose…

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I've sometimes wondered about using the oblivious approach, where you just steamroll them and crush their passivity without appearing to notice what you've done.

@orange_girl, so you gave up on "bless her heart"?

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I recommend for everyone who is employed to wanting to be employed to read a blog called AskAManager.org. It has fabulous advice, stories, reader feedback and everything you ever wanted to know about resumes, cover letters and office culture. AND it has a searchable data base of past columns and topics covered. This blog has been going for about 10 years, it is fabulous!

@orange_girl I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that website. I read it twice a day and before I click into this website. I've learned so much! And it is so frequently entertaining. Read the archives about stolen lunches that made the thief sick. My oldest daughter recommended it to me about 3 years ago. I have really smart kids!

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Be the opposite. Absolutely direct and upfront.

As a teacher at an independent school we deal with this a great deal. This is how many of our parents are. And since they are the customers, there is a power asymmetry. When dealing with such a parent we try to get out in front of the situation by staying in constant email contact. Always making our position absolutely clear.

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Ignore them and do your job.

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