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Does anyone have any advise on how to aproach or deal with topic of relgion when starting to date someone who is relgious?

Icewolf13 5 Feb 11

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0

Just ask how invested they are in a belief. If it bothers you when they give an answer then you don't date them. Remember in dating you get to go home when the date is over. In being a couple its 24/7.

0

Yes, it does something like this. "Would it bother you to be in a relationship with somebody who will never go to church with you, who will never pray with you, and who does not think as you do about life, where we come from and what happens when we die?"

Then, after you get those things out of the way, ask yourself if you want to go into a relationship knowing ahead of time that there is something very fundamentally different about how you think, and try to imagine how that might affect all of your conversations around religion. For example, is it going to be okay to talk about how bad Islam is and how silly Scientology is, but not speak your truth about Christianity?

Just some random off-the-top-of-my-head thoughts.

My last long-term relationship was with a believer. My vow to myself now: NEVER AGAIN.

@irascible No harm done. I came out of it unscathed (except financially) so I don't consider it a hard lesson. I've been through things a million times worse. He is a good person. We just were not a good match.

1

I recommend finding another mating partner.

0

Don't start! To the religious person, non-believers are like a slap in the face. The cause and effect is highly predictable in this situation. This person will not be able to accept the fact that you do not believe in god. Why put yourself in this difficult situation?

3

Just don't do it!

1

"So, do you like baseball?"

6

I can't date someone that's religious it doesn't work for me..... the more religious they are the more I can't help but question their intelligence. I've actually walked out on a date for telling me he thought the world was 6000 years old....really dude.... really

Same here. I have known two women that liked me and they are decent goo people, but I never pursued a relationship with them because they are very religious. I just told them that I had too many other distractions in my life and I was not able to devote one hundred percent to them and that would not be fair to them.

@noworry28 Though of course you don't owe me an answer, I cannot help but be curious about why you could not have simply told them that you would not be a good match due to differences in beliefs.

@BlueWave I was nice for about 45 minutes during the "date" one if those online type things. After being told my personal choices and opinions are going to send me to hell and that I was the silly one for thinking the earth is old I had to just walk away. he was a total dick to me and seeing that I asked him to stop talking about religion and his response was "oh my you're not used to being in your place ha ha ha" .....sometimes people need to know they're assholes.

@Pooska Oops -- I was asking @noworry28 about why. 🙂

@BlueWave Like I said they are decent people and I value their friendship. I have seen their reactions in the past toward non-believers and they basically stopped talking to that person. I worked with one of them for awhile and we stayed friend for over fifteen years. One reason is I did not want them preaching to me all the time trying to convert me. Second reason is that I value their friendship and I figured this was the non confrontational way to handle the situation.

@BlueWave that's going in your permanent file hahahaha

2

Why would you date a religious person? Why to start with the wrong foot?

1

Since you asked...

When you get to the point you think it's going to get serious OR you want it to, bring it up. For a lot of people, religious disagreements are deal breakers.

Remember, whatever she says now, she will probably want your kids to attend her church.

2

"Does anyone have any advice--"

People are going to get tired of seeing this. I need it in meme form or something:

Be yourself.
Ask for what you want.
Use your head.
Use your manners.
Pay attention.
Don't make assumptions.

In this situation, me being myself and asking for what I want is: as soon as appropriate, broach the subject, asking, "How do you feel about the fact that I'm an atheist? How important is it to you that your mate/romantic partner/date share your spiritual values?" Hopefully a respectful, open conversation flows from there. Maybe we find out then and there we're not compatible. Maybe we're not sure. But getting it on the table and out in the open sooner rather than later is better than the alternative--of building up something that's doomed to collapse on account of a purposely undiscovered structural flaw...

0

For me that's the best question I've seen yet. I acknowledged that I was atheist about 15 years ago. I was around 10 years sober from drugs and booze. So I spent a lot of time in 12 step meetings. I only ever met seemingly religious women. I say seemingly because they were pitiful examples of Christians. When I meet them I would hold it back. My last one I was with for 7 years. She knew. She only asked me not to bring it up in front of her family. So I did. She pasted away. So with my new one I'm holding it back again. I will eventually tell her.

That is sad to ME. Sad that you can not be your authentic self from JUMP START.

5

I find that I can't date men who are religious, it never works.

3

First off find out how strong is their "faith" and then be ready to just be friends.

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