I have the same problem with my parents being . They spend an extensive amount of time there like 2-3 weeks every summer. At first they bought them along to and my kids felt weird (they were 5-6 yo. Now one of my parents stays home with my kids. When their cousins are there too (MY 2 sisters are ), the cousins are made to go to and they are so jealous of my kids who get to stay home, sleep in and play. It took many discussion, but they are finally accepting. My sister who is married to a Anglican Priest gets on my case more than my parents. She told me if I did not "Force" my kids to go to , they would never attend. My answer was. "Great",

In an ideal world one would not have to state the obvious, that a grandparent never speaks to a grandchild disrespectfully of their parents, or in any other way undermines them. There are things I don't agree with my daughter on even though we are both unbelievers ... but I don't meddle. It's not my place. The fact that grandparents aren't responsible for day to day nurture also means they have no business attempting to control how the parents shoulder that responsibility. And certainly they should not drive wedges or otherwise manipulate.

But religious ideation makes people crazy and stupid and overwrought about things that they should not have concerns about. So ... if I had concerns about that I would have a respectful conversation with the grandparents about what is age appropriate and off limits. I would not want, say, a five year old having nightmares about eternal perdition or something. Heck, my six year old daughter had nightmares about the fairy tale "Rumplestilskin", any child under 10 should not have fantasy presented realistically. They have too much trouble telling fantasy and reality apart.

Such a conversation should not be about what is forbidden or allowed in terms of ideas, but what is age appropriate, and respectful of boundaries. Believing grandparents should not have to conceal incidental expressions of faith, and children should go by their house rules, such as, don't dig into meals before someone prays. But children should not be taken to church events without your permission, and they should not be indoctrinated at all, directly or indirectly.

Older children, say middle school on up, should increasingly be allowed to explore whatever interests them, even religion, although I'd have them so inoculated against disordered thinking that it would be unlikely to really take root in them. I've told the story of my stepdaughter here before, who was interested practically from the cradle in religion, was allowed to explore it, and ended up scandalizing her catechism class as a HS senior, by concluding that god wasn't real.

I have to say that although they were religious fundamentalists my parents were super good about minding their own business and not meddling in general, and I never found such a conversation necessary. My daughter wouldn't find it necessary to set limits on me in this regard because we are both unbelievers anyway. I've been pretty lucky in this area.

I would hope that they would support how ever you plan to raise your children, either by respecting that and only offer secular wisdom, and/or perhaps sharing what they believe, but promising not to proselytize.

It's good for kids to know about the religious and spiritual values of family members, and respect other views, while also having the way they are being raised RESPECTED.

I had family members tell my kids that we (parents) are lying to them and that there really is a god... My kids talked to us about that and we spent time explaining respectfully that many of our friends and relatives believe in a god, but here are the reasons we think differently... and we'd present the scientific reasons for their questions.

It really depends on how old your kids are. & do your in-laws know you are atheists?