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When a person cheat, do you look for revenge or do you just let it go?

EmeraldJewel 7 Feb 19
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55 comments (26 - 50)

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1

Divorce is not revenge it is cheaters confirmation that their reservation is only good where they last swapped spit

1

I tried to forgive exwife then hoped things would get better. But hindsight is 20/20.

1

Let it go and break up.

1

Let go and go have the best time, don't look back.
Trust and openness is everything in a relationship.

Emile Level 5 Feb 20, 2018
1

Mature person will let it go and move and find someone who can actually know the meaning of the words faithful. Immature person will do the same thing that the cheater did like that will accomplish something.

1

I was cheated on a couple times. I let it go. Glad I did. I know many will disagree with me, but if you are willing to throw years together away because your partner had a momentary lack of willpower, Then I submit that you are making it all about you and you were not really in love, just in a relationship. At the time we were both abusing alcohol and drugs, major partiers. Shit happens. We survived the infidelities and the party hardy lifestyle and enjoyed many more years together.

1

None of the above.

"Revenge" may produce adverse consequences for both parties

"Just let it go", No.

When these events happen I have found it necessary to spend time and reflect on
. . . why did the partner cheat

and more importantly
. . . why did I not realize or predict this behaviour earlier and/or why did I accept the behaviour.

Many years ago I jumped through these hoops and found the process a long and arduous journey that changed my understanding of myself and others. The recovery process was I believe a beneficial necessary exercise.

1

Why ruin a great friendship over sex? You both had sex before you met and you both will have sex after you part. Talk to each other. Let your friend have sex, have sex with others yourself. The person that told you that it must be monogamy is the same person that told you god exists. It's destructive delusional and you don't get to own people!
Do your thing.

1

Sadly, I have so many male traits, including being a partial transmale, I have trouble reacting to cheating partners. I just don't care. This is a bad thing, as female usually get jealous, take revenge on partners with roaming eyes, and keep them honest, while I did nothing. So my partners were soon acting out so badly, I'd grow annoyed and dump them.

My androgyne/transmale self is somewhat amoral and panromantic..possibly pansexual (sexually attracted to all genders/things), if I weren't demisexual (no lust).

Even while my husband was turning on the charm and hitting on someone's wife at a dinner party, both the husband and wife would usually be signalling interest in me. I was aware of their sideways looks but didn't care, and even though I noticed my husband's efforts to flirt I didn't care. I thought of him as too ugly to attract anyone, so good luck.

I don't know when all this emphasis on complete fidelity came about. I know that women, in the past, were expected to stay at home and be pure while the men, eh, did what men occasionally do. It was the topic of gossip but rarely divorce. Divorce was even more scandalous. Then came womens lib and then the free love movement and now the backlash. Everyone is demanding complete fidelity or its a total deal breaker. Its part of the me, me, me mindset. Look how you disrespected me. To me, sex was never that big a deal to be a deal breaker. I mean, there is so much more to a relationship than the sex. What made that the #1 priority?

@ollieberry When women started working and no longer were dependent on men to survive, they began demanding fidelity. Now, instead of having a side chick as many/most men still do in countries around the world, US men have to pretend they are faithful, getting special phones that hide girls' numbers, covering their tracks, lying, etc., when before cheating just came with the territory. Anyone who has read novels from the 19th and early 20th centuries knows that mistresses were considered normal.

0

There are many kinds of revenge out there, some good, some bad, some well intended and some plain hilarious. to a degree, I fall in between the gray area of an old saying..." love me, and I'll move mountains for you, hurt or use me, and i'll drop those same mountains right on top of your head."

0

Depends on the level of the relationship. And define cheating

0

Bye, Bye, Bitch

0

Never been cheated on, to my knowledge, so I'm not sure. But I'm not a vengeful person generally so I like to think I'd forgive a transgression, but walk away from a real affair.

0

I would have to wonder why someone would cheat on me. I am polyamorous, but it is still easy to cheat in such a relationship, Just don't tell the truth about who you date. In a situation where one may date or sleep with any consenting person they wish and still they would lie about or hide it, That person has a mental illness or is just plain rotten. I would not let it go, I would let them go. I do not wish to live with or be with someone who is dishonest when they would have no cause to do so other than the fact that they could. Were I not poly, the issue would be the same. What would be revenge on a cheater anyway? Become a cheater? It would not make sense to me, particularly if I supposedly cared so much for sexual fidelity.

0

I mean I will happily tell the world including their mother, sister, future girlfriends etc that they are a cheating ass, but besides that Nah, they become my ex as soon as they cheat so why bother putting any kind of real effort into a past relationship?

0

To me, honesty is the most important thing in any relationship. Anytime someone is less than truthful with you, you should reconsider what type of relationship you have. I'm more likely to let it and them go.

0

What would be the point in revenge? Getting them the hell out of your life is what's actionable. Revenge harms you as much as them. You have to live with real guilt toward someone who has already caused you emotional pain. You have the responsibility of lowering yourself to their level and being an asshat yourself.

Simple is always best ...

0

I don't believe in cheating.

OK, if you have kids they need a stable home. But this is not all about kids, right?

Unless anyone is hurt I don't believe that people belong to people. That means that anyone is free to have any relation they want with someone else. It's not your business unless they tell you it is.

I have always told my friends with whom I have a relation with.

It comes down to basic honesty. And some of my women like and sympathise with each other. That's usually a problem, but only for me.

0

I've found myself conflicted over this subject. I tend to believe that our culture has confused "love" with ownership. "she's mine!" "he belongs to me". Look familiar? So in that regard, it extends to our notion of monogamy. I've tried very hard to be careful not to take on that sense of ownership in relationships. Having said that, I always remain monogamous in a relationship because I want to. I would say my partner is free to do as she pleases, but my preference is to be with someone who is loyal because she wants to be. If that desire wanes, then I would be inclined to let it and her go, and find someone with a similar mindset to my own. No point in revenge. Her wandering desires are a reflection of her, not me. But as odd as this may seem, I once had a girlfriend who also had a girlfriend. I figured I should be able to give her what she needed from a man, and that she would be getting something different from another woman. I was OK with that, I found them to be very different and there was never any jealousy.

0

I would just let them go.

0

I just move on. Hard to forgive the loss of trust, and finding happiness elsewhere Is good enough revenge for me

0

Move on.

0

Just let it go. Why waste time and energy on revenge. There's better things to concern oneself with.

0

Walk away don't look back like others have said best revenge is to be happy

0

Let it go, it can only get worse if you do something about it.

CJR1 Level 2 Feb 20, 2018
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