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What's the point of being in a relationship? This might seem like an obvious question, but really, what's the point? What do you want from me that you don't want from anyone else? What purpose do you expect me to fulfill for you?

ScienceBiker 8 Feb 22
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17 comments

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0

Depends where you are in life!...It is different when you are 20 or when you are 50!Someone smart said:...What you seek it is seeking you! If you don't want someone to be around you will not find it! I belive I will meet that person who will make my skin sooooo sensitive again that I have muscle spasm just thinking about him, that I will Love to cook for, that I will Love to caress and kiss and feel that dopamine rush again....because just One can do that for me! Relationship!!!!!!
That is the only reason I will let The one in my life!

1

Your motorcycle.

0

It is different for everyone. The point being you want to share things with someone that wants to share things back. They make you feel a certain way that no one else does. Have fun together.. explore things. We are social creatures but technology is rapidly changing that possibility.

0

Companionship and partnership, child rearing, financial security (combining resources plus you have a buffer if one is injured) and of course human connection are typical reasons. But fuck knows killing snakes is nice when needed or allocating skills (eg car stuff versus sewing...) so that you don’t have to be a master of all things.

1

I want you to be there when I medically need you for support. You are my personal business partner. You are my enthusiastic lover. You are helping me do all the small things in life like dishes and wash. You look out for my best interests. You are my playmate. You are my confidant.

1

I just like to know the person I love is going to be there tomorrow. That's it.

1

left to my own devices I am a complete animal. I like having someone there that I trust and respect that can kinda, keep me in check. It's kinda hard to explain, but... I'm just a better person when theres someone I'm actually trying for. if that makes sense.

0

Many hands make light work . 2 heads are better than one . Need I say more

3

Sorry to disappoint, but from you no, I don't expect anything.

However I like your question, it is in my mind as well.
I think I want a relationship,
but am beginning to wonder if that is true anymore.
I have lady friends,
I have intimate others,
but I don't have a relationship or partner.
I am really confused.

3

Relationships are tricky and dicey regardless of your swing or self assuredness. I have never believed that any one person can provide every need of any other person. We all get different things from different people in our lives. Why not just admit it and have more than one person important to you in your life?

3

Didn't we just have this conversation? Dopamine, dopamine, dopamine!

Maybe it's just indicative of what I've been through, but I'm not sure there is a point. I mean, I like oxytocin and dopamine as much as anybody else, but when I really stop to think about relationships, I don't think I really want one. I have shit to do and I don't want anyone slowing me down. And maybe someday, somebody will come along and prove me wrong, but at this exact moment, I just feel like a dumb kid fumbling my way through... I don't know, second puberty, is that a thing?

I want all the good stuff, but I'm not sure it's worth it. Or maybe I just don't know how to do it right. And I have no idea why I'm telling you all of this. Perhaps worse yet, I'm not even sure I know what the good stuff is, other than the aforementioned chemicals. I guess I'm still figuring it out.

5

Intimacy, loving someone and being loved by someone is the best feelings ever

2

I think that's the wrong way to approach a relationship. We were built to connect, at least briefly. But our psychology has developed so that we need those connections in order to produce and raise offspring and get them to their age of viability. I think first of all it's an evolutionary thing.

But so were families and tribes. That's how most species survive: herds, packs, flocks, colonies, clutches, and my personal favorite... murders.

How we express ourselves in relationships is an ongoing preposition, though, as we have the ability to think for ourselves, and awareness of our own emotional needs. But we learn through relationships. We discover who we are by seeing ourselves through other's eyes. No matter how awesome we think we are, it's in a relationship that we're going to see into our blind spots. Relationships help strengthen us when we are vulnerable. They help makeup for the areas that we lack and vice versa. Done right, they are powerful vessels to survival and happiness.

5

What would I like from you ScienceBiker... a cheese sandwich? I love cheese! JK. What are you able to give? Not material commodities but more of a “its you and me against the world” kinda thing. To be able to relate to your SO on much deeper level than just shared bills and responsibilities is priceless, to have each other’s best interest at heart. I’d stick with “to have and to hold”.. I don’t need Anything , but I want everything!

3

Most people kill loneliness by being in the relationship. That's why so many fail. An intimate partner is hypothetically "always there for you". It's a support system in financial, emotional, and physical sense. In my own definition, I would say that the person in a relationship with me is the one who "gets" me, takes me as I am. TBH, I could do without, but it's nicer when I have it. Plus, we build all kinds of relationships around us to fulfill all kinds of needs. I do perfectly fine with a couple of close friends and my family, others need tons of friends and acquaintances. it really is a mutual understanding of what the two (or three...or four) of you bring to the table. We are social creatures, nothing is really special about being in a relationship.

I really like your last sentence.

@Akfishlady My interpretation is that we are wired for relationships. We are social creatures. So, if we are wired for relationships and we get into relationships, that in and of itself is not special. My interpretation was not at all related to how one sees or feels about one's own relationship or the relationship of another.

Really like your comment. It is a very insightful and emotionally healthy way to think of relationships. You've given me something to think about and work with. Thanks.

@BlueWave exactly what I meant, thanks!

@kmdskit3 Thank you 🙂 I didn't expect to get this many responses. I hope it helps

Something that helpful is definitely worth a few comments! 🙂

3

After the failure/end of a very long committed, monogamous relationship I am wondering the same thing. Maybe this feeling won't last but I don't think I want that kind of relationship again.

@Akfishlady Yeah, I know what you're saying and maybe I'm just too raw to see the possibility of anything resembling what you said. Not in a place to see much of any kind of connection...

@Akfishlady Thank you for that.

Same. It's just not worth the time and energy.

2

Well personally I'm giving anyone who expects me to fulfill a purpose serious side eye.

An ideal relationship IMO would be two people enjoying each other's company, supporting one another and helping each other grow.

Guys who are looking for a woman to cook, clean, make appointments and handle social events need to just hire a housekeeper. By the same token of a woman wants you around to fix stuff and handle finances, she should probably get an accountant and a handyman.

That's my take on it,anyway.

I agree with you......but....but.....people who can fix and build and make stuff -- they get bonus points from me!

@BlueWave I agree that is a really cool skill to have but I'm not going to enter or decline a relationship based on that. 🙂

@Blindbird Hmmmnnnnn......I dunno. I guess I'd have to live it to know for sure what I would do. I know for ME, being able to do those kinds of things is a sexy skill. It is a form of intelligence in my opinion. Or I dunno, maybe there is a study or something out there that agrees with me. 😉

@BlueWave fair enough. Goodness knows my "picker" is broken.

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