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Why do so many men find it unbelievably difficult to talk to women as people rather than as a potential sexual partner?

Purplewhovian 4 Feb 24
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23 comments

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7

It's the way they've been programmed. Just look at our advertising, the messages from our TVs and in our movies. It's all about conquest for the men, subservience for the women, and everyone is told they will only feel better when they buy this product or that one.

Fuck that noise.

I want to know who someone is on the inside before I ever think about sex with them. When I'm talking with someone and it gets real, if they pull back emotionally, there's not going to be any reason for me to continue with that person.

Until men begin to think of women as equal (or even betters) they will always view them as a conquest, as a prize to be won, as an object to be fucked. And the men will continue to be the shallow creatures they are.

Yes, I'm a man and always have been. I'm simply not threatened by getting real with people, especially myself.

7

In the reverse, why do women insist on treating men as people rather than a potential sexual partner?

Of course the word people in this and the other statement is too broad. This implies we treat all people the same, which we do not.

lol

5

Because culturally and in most of western society, women are still valued only for their appearance and stereotypical assumption as 'caregivers/nurturers.' We're not seen as real people at all.

@irascible I'm so glad you're able to see women as real people. Why do you need four of them?

@irascible An expertly worded explanation of infidelity. Good for you.

5

It's in our jeans

4

Sorry, just the opposite, women have to beat me over the head if they are interested, even then I mostly miss the message.

4

Here is my 2 cents worth on the subject. The old saying, "monkey see, monkey do" fits to this question. It has a lot to do with raising a child. How did father treated the mother and other women in the family is an important lesson for the male child because it is a matter of learning and will stay for the rest of his life. Learning about respect always starts at home. Once it is learned, it is applied to different situations as encountered later in life. So, talking to a woman should not be any more difficult than talking to a man as the subject of the conversation dictates. As for sex, it's an important part of life, but there is a time and the place for that. It shouldn't dominate a conversation, unless both sides feel comfortable with it. I'm sure it is a subject in the minds of men most of the time but maybe some had never learned that there is much more to a woman than being just a sex object. There is intellect, humor, hard work, desire to succeed, usually a big heart and so much more. It's not hard to find an interesting subject to talk about besides sex.

4

Hey if she is not a potential sexual partner - no problem. Of course there is the famous Billy Crystal line in when Harry met Sally - "even if we find them unattractive we still want to nail them." 🙂

3

I talk to everyone the same ether way and will talk about all topics as I do not have any kind of filter, I think it is the best way to be as then people (friends or BF/GF) with know what goes on in my brain.

3

Like others have said I think it has a lot to do with biology. Regardless I don't feel the biology explanation is any excuse for perviness or harassment. While we are still animals and subject to certain drives, we have evolved and should continue to do so. We are not neanderthals, stop acting like one.

3

Testosterone intoxication? That's some pretty powerful stuff, and if a guy doesn't find away to release some of it harmlessly, it can mess with a guy's mind.

I'm reminded of a scene from "There's Something About Mary" where the friend of the guy really wanting to get together with Mary suggests that in order for him to not blow the first date, he masterbate before seeing her so that sex ideas wouldn't overpower his mind, and he could really pay attention to her. Of course since the film was a comedy, not only was that taken as humor, but the advice led to cringe-worthy situations, but as a female who has observed guys, often from the aspect of being kind of accepted as one of the guys, I suspect that was actually good advice. Not exactly something that should be all that openly discussed, but - yeah, testosterone is a serious hormone that can really affect thinking and behavior.

Definitely!

3

I think we scare men.

2

You bring up an interesting point, I talk to women as people, that being said I still struggle with not thinking about them potential sexually partners. I have to make a conscious effort to avoid bringing these thought into the nature of the conversation.
Is it my sex drive that does this, is it social programming or is it cultural. perhaps it is something else all together?
Like I said I don't let this show non the less it is still there below the surface.

2

Men have been caught having sex with food, rubber dolls, and small farm animals. That should give you some insight.

2

Got me. Maybe men are sexually driven biologically. I work with women all the time. I treat them just like other teachers, but that doesn’t mean I don’t see them as women.

2

As men, we have a biological imperative to seek out as many sexual partners as possible in order to ensure the survival of our species... or, as Simon Morgan put it, "it's in our jeans". 😉

2

Some do some don't. It just depends on the situation and how close you get to one another and what you both find attractive. No one's fault it just sometimes happens which is only human emotion or just hormones going places. Not just with men though but with women as well. People evolved to fuck and reproduce sometimes people want to fuck more than others. Doesn't excuse people from their actions they take sometimes but it explains why certain things like that happen. Maybe find new friends dude

1

Evolved men have learned impulse control. Blaming it on environmental teases doesn't cut the mustard. Others just don't get it...and don't care to. Its working for them in some manner. Everyone has to lean impulse control in some manner otherwise we all would polish off a half gallon of Hagen-Daas every day.

0

Because we are pigs........(there,s always exceptions of course) some of us are not pigs

0

Biology programmed men to want to impregnate everything they can. Women are programmed to screen for the best genetics available.

MarqG Level 5 Feb 24, 2018
0

I really don't know and as for just showing you a dick pick is beyond me

0

Nature? You might think that's a cop out, but it's still in our makeup. Men are the aggressors. Always have been, always will be. It doesn't mean we can't or don't talk to women solely as friends, and we can still be respectful and friendly if we're thinking about women as potential sex partners as well.

0

Fortunately, I don't know.

0

Maybe men have been conditioned by our society to veiw women as property, incubators, mothers, sisters daughters but not as equals

Sad but true.

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