Well, I'll be honest, a quality that is not always appreciated even though people claim they do. I am looking for a sexual partner. Since I am straight, that means a woman to have sex with. But that does not mean I am looking for a "hook-up". Far from it. You see, if I am going to get naked with someone, if I am going to expose all of my emotional vulnerabilities and fears to them, I have to trust them. A LOT. I have to know they are trustworthy. You can't tell that just by looking at someone. You have to get to know them, first.

And I am not particularly interested in short-term affairs. Because if I want to be intimate with someone, I don't want it to be just once, or twice, or 10 times. It's hard to get to that place where you share everything you are. Who wants to change where they live once a week? Doesn't it seem more sane to, once having found a place where you are comfortable, explore its possibilities? When I make love to a woman, I want her to FEEL it. If it were just the physical release, hey-I don't even need another person for that. I want to share my heart, that ancient yearning for the home we once knew, the bliss of the womb. Anything less is unsatisfying.

Perhaps it doesn't seem like it, but this SUBSUMES all these "other" qualities. I am not going to trust an unkind person. I am not going to want to be with a joyless person, when joy is what I want to share. I am not going to want to be with a person who is not smart, or AWARE enough, to see I want the real deal, and not some tawdry substitute. I won't even be interested. Because I am not going to spell it out for you, I am just going to BE who I am. If you can't figure it out, I'll keep looking. Time, and a lifetime of experience are on my side.

As far as respect goes, if someone has the heart to meet me in kind, I am going to respect them, because they respect me. And I do not want to say: hey, if you are respectful, kind and smart, I'll be your life partner, even though you do not turn me on in the least. A friend of mine put it this way: you never fall in love with someone you are unwilling to sleep with.

This is not what I say to people when I first meet them. In fact, I think the questions asked on dating sites are totally off the mark. I'm not looking for a ROOMMATE, I am looking for a lover.

I think people that are overly nice are up to something... like that person who always has an upbeat voice. as far as opening a door for someone - that's considerate. when somebody goes in a door and there are people behind them and they only open it up enough to slide thru - what would you call that? I usually think to myself, "asshole"

I don't and never have had a laundry list of requirements. You meet someone and something is there or it's not. It ain't that complicated.

LOVE this comment.

Last week, I gave a guy panhandling $20. The first time I saw him, I drove right by him, I was on my way to an appointment, and I couldn't stop.

I saw him again, on my way back. I also drove by him then, too. And then it got to bugging me. So, I pulled into a restaurant parking lot, and walked back to him. He was standing on a lane divider on a busy street, on a cold snowy day. I had to laugh when I saw his sign:

"Flux capacitor boke down, need a new one."

I told him, "It's cold out here, brother, get something warm."

So, you know, one thing we forget, is that no matter how WE see things, it's different to be someone else. I find it hard to judge people. I've been wealthy, and I've been dirt poor, and I've been the same person inside. And people have treated me differently, and it makes me think the whole thing is a sham, the world we see is not what is there. On the inside of each of us, it's different.

So that asshole who cut you off in traffic, might have just had a bad fight with his wife, which is hurting him because he loves her. And if you flip him off, who are you helping?

One thing that bugs me about dating is the levels of hypocrisy that you come across. I met someone IRL who complained at length about women who post old pictures of before they gained weight. Then when he met them they were much heavier. My pictures are within the past year and I'm 5'5" 120 lbs. He, however, must have had 10 year old pictures. I didn't even recognize him.

I am not kind to our religious enemies. ....I never assume believers are our enemies even sitting in the pews hearing the enemy preach. ...that's my eternal optomism @ work as a lifelong politician. ...I find humor wit and laughter everywhere except in the timid closets of Atheists who cower away from theocracy and the threats of faith. ....the woman I seek wants my back as I want hers. ...safely 360° sharing the same vision: PEACE THROUGH GREEN JOBS

I agree with you Blindbird. I'm on a dating site where it asks if you think that you are smarter than most people. Almost everyone says yes. At an employment workshop almost everyone said they were good critical thinkers. Even those looking for employment in pseudo science fields. Nice can mean capable of manipulating people into doing what you want. It's hard not to get jaded and give up. I'm sure that there are some good choices out there. It takes time and patience.

In all honesty...
I'm not even sure any more.

BRAVO! Those simple traits are building blocks of the kind of integrity and personality that I desire to be around. You should absolutely be comfortable with this on your profile. Those who share your views will enjoy your transparency on this matter. Those who don't fit the description will become transparent soon enough. Those who think it comes across as "nice" are probably more cynical than what you're looking for, anyhow.

I think when it comes to dating, as I'm beginning to understand for myself, you'll know it when you see it and feel it. And when the right person comes along, it's almost like they found you. Meanwhile, knowing what you want keeps you from wasting your time with someone who doesn't feel right.

I would totally put this on your profile...maybe it well help weed some people out, but it's nice to know someone's expectations and if you can meet them...it's also nice to see who really reads your profile!

I just want someone who makes me feel giddy and happy and comfortable

You can be kind but be kind and not a sucker

A lady I knew, used to say "I'd rather be kind than right". She was the type who if someone felt she'd wronged them in some way, she would apologize even if she hadn't wronged them. I learned a lot from her. Being "right" doesn't really mean a lot anyway.

I like to think that I am a kind person. If even only a few people conect on here, Agnostic.com has done some good.

I don't quite agree with your definitions for kind and nice.

Here is more like I think it goes...

Being "nice" is a course of action, it does not ascribe any specific reason. It is an action. Sometimes people are nice because they want something, and sometimes they are nice because they simply choose that action. Even rotten people can be nice under some circumstances. And good people aren't always nice.

Kindness is more a testament to someones overall character. Kindness often leads to being nice, but it also suggests that there is empathy and compassion being the behavior. It suggests that one cares about others..

I do agree with your assessment of attributes, kindness is desirable. I do prefer that people around are also nice, within reason, of course.

Nobody likes that definition of 'nice'. But it's true...

I love this. Well said. I'm looking for the same thing myself. I hope we both find what we're looking for.