Gosh, I never thought of lady as having a patronizing connotation. Perhaps it implies 'demure' or meek? Is that it? I think of it more as implying well-bred or dignified - if perhaps maybe bordering just a bit on prudish. Which yeah, no one wants to be considered prudish, right.
Someone said the other day that she prefers the term women... As being much more adult, and Sexy - I think that is how she put it. I thought that was very interesting.

It has gotten to the point that I do not know what term or terms are proper to use any more. if I do not know their name it seems I should just turn away. The same thing goes for opening a door today. I am going to only open them for gentlemen only after the verbal lashing I got from the last lady I opened the door for.

I always turn around when someone says that word. 😂

I'm a lady.

My apologies... I no longer know the rules, maybe I never did, but I am willing to learn.
Other than one's personal dislikes, is there an official source/guide to help a man address a woman or a group of women?
Also, I'd like to ask, are there official ages when a girl officially becomes a young lady... a lady, a woman.
I've been present when a woman addresses a group of adult women with... "OK girls, let's get started"... or "OK ladies, let's get started". It didn't sound offensive to me at the time, but not being aware is my only excuse for not understanding.
I call it ignorance, not knowing or understanding.

Depends on the place and situation- at work from a customer ok in a bar sleaze bag?

Female, woman, Ms, and lady is proper. Girl (unless it's girlfriend) sounds like referring to a child. Sexy, beautiful, cutie, and lovely are complimentary only if you are already in a relationship.

Ladies is OK. Girls no so much. Gals is OK in certain circumstances.