(Trigger warning for cis, straight males. Content mentions transgender issues) I am posting this as though I want advice, but I already know what everyone will say, and that it won't matter.
I am a demisexual (I can feel sexual attraction only after a year or more of close bonding, but just for that one person), so just picking someone else isn't something I can easily do. Especially with my unusual preferences.
This morning I got proposed to again..this time by my ex. Again. For about the 20th time, with many people inbetween that.
If I'm sexually attracted to anyone it would be my ex, but it's been five years since he came to Thailand to try to lure me back to the US.
On paper, he's a perfect mate: 6' 1" tall, solid muscle, looks like a male Las Vegas stripper, is a former Navy and airline pilot, helped design the B-2, licensed in foot massage, an excellent dancer, helped me out with housework so much that he was annoying, gave me two hour footrubs each night. We did gender role switching, fantasy play, and mild S&M.
We traveled the world, rode and drove horses year around, camped outside year around, jammed together on piano and trumpet, went ballroom dancing every weekend.
Drawback-jealous like a girl, dangerously passive aggressive.
Also, in 2016 he came out as a nonbinary female, and is in transition.
Why transitioning to female isn't all bad; I'm partially transmale (I partially identify as male), probably pansexual (can be sexually attracted to any gender), if I wasn't demisexual, and am more attracted to females than males.
I loved his female ways-he remembered all the appointments, persuaded me to attend boring family events, did the shopping (I hate to do it), dressed impeccably, etc.
My attraction for him is still strong, although the sexual element seems to have disappated and I know how resistant I am to being courted by any gender, so right now he seems to the quickest route to having a companion in the near future.
My hope is that the Thai herb, derris scandens, will dissipate his dysphoria as it did for me, and that CBD oil and similar things will mitigate his worse tendencies.
Otherwise, I'm perfectly happy single,
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Sorry, but what's "jealous like a girl?" mean? I'm still recovering from my ex's jealous fantasies and have only ever known "jealous like a man" or boy if we continue your example.
GoldenDoll
Level 7
Mar 13, 2018
0
I've never known a man to be jealous unless he was heavy in female traits. All the cis, normal females I know will toss their lovers to the curb if they betray them. They don't put up with anything and will change the locks and toss their man's stuff on the lawn. Most men put up with anything, and that's how I am. Which is why my relationships with men haven't worked out..unlike most women I don't toss them out when they show disrespectful behavior.
Since most high creative IQ people are androgyne (mixed gender traits) they usually aren't aware of what normal cis hetero people are like, assuming that everyone of their bio gender feels as they do. That's how I was.
Dangerously passive agressive and jealous like a girl are a huge red flag I think.
LeighShelton
Level 8
Mar 13, 2018
1
YUP. That's why I was expecting the usual lectures. I plan to have him try derris scandens to see if it relieves his dysphoria as it did mine. Also have him take CBD oil and other cannabis products to keep him from manifesting less social behaviors. If I play it by ear and take precautions maybe I can get away with it for a while at least. I want someone with whom to share expenses in the US, and a dance partner.
leopards and spots lol good luck
I wouldn’t have a problem with the jealousy. I’m not jealous and my first husband was. I made rules for myself, told him what they were and that helped.
My husband now isn’t jealous and it is better. When we were first dating, I had a male friend that wanted to rent a room from me. I did ask my now husband if he had a problem with me having a male roommate and he said it wasn’t a problem, he trusted me.
Husband is also an Atheist (1st was Pagan) so even more of an improvement.
LauraUU
Level 6
Mar 13, 2018
1
He wasn't jealous of people, and since I'm demisexual, I'm not even sexually attracted to people of any gender. He was jealous of anything that took my attention off him, including my job.
So if you are perfectly happy being single why are you thinking about getting back together?
DanaCNA
Level 4
Mar 13, 2018
1
It's perfectly safe and affordable to live alone in Thailand, but in the US, not so much. When I return to the US, I'll need a dance and hiking partner and someone with whom to share expenses. I was just going to take my chances of meeting someone, but it's a very long chance of ever meeting anyone to match me. I probably could never return to dating straight men, now that I know I'm partly transmale and see myself as nonbinary.
I've got to be honest, I don't understand half of the things you speak of (non binary demi sexuals) but what I do know is that getting together with someone for financial reasons (or most other reasons other than attraction) is a recipe for disaster. You'll soon find yourself locked into a relationship that you don't want. What's even worse is that you will be preventing yourself from finding the relationship you do want.
I need to go get some air.
CallMeDave
Level 8
Mar 12, 2018
5
LOL! I should put a "trigger warning" on this post for cis, straight men.
No shit.
What does "cis, straight men" mean please?
LOL! If I thought being agnostic, or coming out to my family as partially transmale would test the liberal ideas of my family, I can't even imagine showing up at a family event with a (dangerous) ex who is now dressing as female.
Yet, he already knows how to dance and does all the things I do.
But most tempting of all to take him back..the two hour footrubs!
birdingnut
Level 8
Mar 12, 2018
3
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