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Why are people always looking for the unattainable?

People seem to have serious unrealistic expectations when it comes to find a mate or lover...what does everyone think?

By Ravenwolfcasey
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Anything obtained easily isn't appreciated with the same passion as something that one had to chase.

JWDiaz Level 2 Nov 18, 2017
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I think that are origins are in the animal kingdom, and animals are always seeking something in order to survive. If a lion was content, it would die of starvation because it wouldn't feel the need to hunt for food.

MarkBennett Level 1 Nov 18, 2017
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I've been having this conversation with a friend lately. Repeatedly. They seem to expect some sort of rom com meet cute that rapidly developes into a forever blissful marriage. I'm trying to get to the bottom of WHY they think that is realistic, to no avail.

Just saw the edit. Specifically "unattainable". That's a whole other can of emotionally charged worms.

emberyn Level 2 Nov 18, 2017
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I think that, yes, I have serious unrealistic expectations when it comes to finding a partner. I hope for honesty, attraction, monogamy, loyalty, passion.

Annalida Level 5 Nov 18, 2017
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I think people seek the unattainable because the want everything perfect and don't want to have all the hard work that goes with it. Unfortunately it almost never plays out that way and people are always let down. Now days. People would rather end a relationship rather then go through the hardships of trying this make it work and find a happy medium.

ScottArthur Level 1 Nov 17, 2017
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I'm sure a lot of people start with an ideal and try to find someone that meets that ideal as closely as possible. I'm not sure how unrealistic I am, though. All I want is someone I'm attracted to whose political and religious views align with mine. I just want someone who may want to go out once in a while but who also likes staying in in sweat pants. I want to cook for someone once in a while, go to concerts, comic cons, film festivals, and I don't know what else.

I probably sound like I'm filling out a personals ad, but I don't know how unrealistic that is.

tomservo Level 4 Nov 15, 2017
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I read *Men are From Mars* about 15 years ago. My reaction; "Why the f**k didn't they tell me this in high school". It would have saved me and a lot of nice ladies a ton of grief. Some of our expectations in the opposite sex simply don't exist. Cause we ain't made that way !

ThomasMeador Level 7 Nov 14, 2017
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Even those of us who are more realistic can have trouble "attaining" (or in my case: retaining) someone who's even a half-way close match.

MrLizard Level 4 Nov 14, 2017
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Craigs List? Those are not potential lovers and mates surely? Naive me thought they were entrepreneurial persons offering earthmoving services!

Treasurehunter Level 4 Nov 14, 2017
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LMAO..I read Craigslist for entertainment
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Maybe I should have emphasized unattainable...meaning like a 50 year old man looks for woman in their 20s...and expects this chick to actually think of him other than an ATM...love can not be bought

Ravenwolfcasey Level 5 Nov 14, 2017
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Shit. You mean... I should change my profile and raise my age range?
In general I'd agree with you, however I know three different couples with a 20+ year age gap, and none of which have a financial incentive. Love can do crazy things apparently...
Now that I am older, I see this as a real possibility, if I keep taking care of myself and focus on my success goals, why Not? I see if as karma, for when I was passed over and ignored by women my age when I had just started to be on my own. Last woman/girl I was with was 14 years my junior. So meh.
My daughter once asked me why every time she went dancing, she could count on being hit on by men in their 40s or 50s. This was about 15 years ago. And I'm thinking it still holds true for many today. Men of that era were brought up to think that they were the leader of the house hold, told by religion, and culture, to keep their women "in line". Told that women were weaker, less intelligent, and had to be cared for, or taken care of, a mind set still seen today. Then the 70s and 80s came along, women demanded equal rights, burned their bras, wanted the same pay, wanted to do jobs only done by men before, god almighty, damn, the world turned up side down for these men. Even these mens Mothers were getting in on the act. You don't have to see how disturbing this was for them, but maybe it might help explain that seeing a younger person, perhaps easier to control, easier to lead, would be seen as more desirable, less fustrating than having to cope with the change needed to interact with a more independant woman. In other words a desirable child. Good luck with your life.
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I think most ogf us were taught to idalize romance an dlook for that "happily ever after" person. The truth is that relationships require honesty, goo d communication and compromise, which can be a lot of "work."

In my case I expect complete honesty, but I find that most people cannot handle the level of honesty I want. To some my expectations may seem unrealistic, but from experience, I know I would be happier beign "single" than in a relationship where I settled for less than what I want. So although my expectations may seem unrealistic in terms of a relationship to some people, it is very realistic in terms of having a happier life.

snytiger6 Level 7 Nov 14, 2017
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I'm an appreciator of honesty, too. So much so that I am an open book. Unfortunately, my book has a few chapters that make many women uncomfortable. So far, I have not even attained a long lasting match.
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How does someone define unattainable? If one can accept a definition as it intended by the nature of it as "can not be possibly attained", than my answer will be simple: Ignorance. I believe in order to find a true answer to this question, we would have to examine reasons why someone thinks it is unattainable. I would suggest that those reasons would have commonality, but would differ from person to person.

Canaanite Level 2 Nov 14, 2017
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Interesting thought
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I think it is because they are portrait this in daily life through media and advertising. That,s why people see only beautiful people who have the perfect bodies and want this as it is projected in their daily lives over and over again.

Krisseman Level 4 Nov 14, 2017
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Unattainable and unrealistic in what ways? Physically, there may be something to it. As I understand it, going way back, before television or movies or even pinup girls, people just looked for a local mate and we're content with the available dating pool. But when those media started showing more glamorous people to the masses, so beautiful and sexualized, the desire for the unattainable grew. And, today, it's pretty much impossible to not be influenced by Hollywood actors, fashion models, etc. These people are brought to life before us, and they feel relatable and present in our lives, and I think there's a sense, even subconsciously, that we shouldn't have to settle for anything less.

resserts Level 5 Nov 14, 2017
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The attainable is easy, but nothing in this life that is worth having comes easy.

Dylan Level 5 Nov 14, 2017
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I hear this statement a lot. Is there a logical explanation, evidence, study or philosophical argument that actually sports this premise? Wouldn't unattainable by its own definition means that is is impossible to attain? However if it is attainable, does it really support the theory that everything worth having has to come with a high degree of difficulty?
We're talking human emotions here. Concepts of logic and evidence are thrown out the fucking window. lol
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Not unrealistic at all. I am fine on my own and so only would pair up with someone great. When I was not even looking, great happened, so I know it's possible and set the bar pretty high. It seems to me that most of my friends have settled (miserable or divorced), afraid of being alone and that they are asking too much or are impatient.

Zster Level 5 Nov 14, 2017
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Have you been reading profiles on dating sites?

I suppose it is because people have been disappointed with what they had and are looking for something that much better. Would you say looking at the couples around you that they are generally reasonably matched (or considered complimentary to each other)?

Treasurehunter Level 4 Nov 14, 2017
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Yes I actually enjoy reading craigslist personal ads..they are fantastic fodder
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Sometimes that's true. I think sometimes people write a potential good match off too quick.

If that ideal is too specific it will kill opportunities. I think it's reasonable to want a partner who meets a basic criteria like:

is trustworthy
shares similar values
doesn't conflict with any of your major goals (I.e. one wants kids bad, the other doesn't)
is at least moderately attractive to you

It gets unrealistic if you want a Brad Pitt or Halle Berry doppleganger with a great personality, super intelligence, fantastic job, and never farts.

That last part alone will make your hopes and dreams combust on you.

silvereyes Level 7 Nov 14, 2017
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Usually people, myself included, start the farting after the relationship has been going on for a while.
@davtim68: good call, man. good call.
lol
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Not I, I learned long ago that perfect matches are made not found and that all humans are flawed creatures and often those flaw are what endear someone to you more than those perfections.

HeathenFarmer Level 7 Nov 14, 2017
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Pinch, poke, you owe me a coke...lol. I was just browsing through the profiles on OK Cupid and revamping mine a bit and was just thinking the exact same thing. My pet peeve...I can't even be bothered to fill out my profile with more than a couple of sentences and that's to say that I expect you to be gorgeous, intelligent, funny, rich,romantic and a porn star in bed. No unrealistic expectations there...nope...not even one.

roberbro Level 5 Nov 14, 2017
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Oh totally agree..I refuse to even talk to people if their profiles are not at least semi filled out...
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