People seem to have serious unrealistic expectations when it comes to find a mate or lover...what does everyone think?
I've been having this conversation with a friend lately. Repeatedly. They seem to expect some sort of rom com meet cute that rapidly developes into a forever blissful marriage. I'm trying to get to the bottom of WHY they think that is realistic, to no avail.
Just saw the edit. Specifically "unattainable". That's a whole other can of emotionally charged worms.
I think people seek the unattainable because the want everything perfect and don't want to have all the hard work that goes with it. Unfortunately it almost never plays out that way and people are always let down. Now days. People would rather end a relationship rather then go through the hardships of trying this make it work and find a happy medium.
I'm sure a lot of people start with an ideal and try to find someone that meets that ideal as closely as possible. I'm not sure how unrealistic I am, though. All I want is someone I'm attracted to whose political and religious views align with mine. I just want someone who may want to go out once in a while but who also likes staying in in sweat pants. I want to cook for someone once in a while, go to concerts, comic cons, film festivals, and I don't know what else.
I probably sound like I'm filling out a personals ad, but I don't know how unrealistic that is.
I read *Men are From Mars* about 15 years ago. My reaction; "Why the f**k didn't they tell me this in high school". It would have saved me and a lot of nice ladies a ton of grief. Some of our expectations in the opposite sex simply don't exist. Cause we ain't made that way !
I think most ogf us were taught to idalize romance an dlook for that "happily ever after" person. The truth is that relationships require honesty, goo d communication and compromise, which can be a lot of "work."
In my case I expect complete honesty, but I find that most people cannot handle the level of honesty I want. To some my expectations may seem unrealistic, but from experience, I know I would be happier beign "single" than in a relationship where I settled for less than what I want. So although my expectations may seem unrealistic in terms of a relationship to some people, it is very realistic in terms of having a happier life.
How does someone define unattainable? If one can accept a definition as it intended by the nature of it as "can not be possibly attained", than my answer will be simple: Ignorance. I believe in order to find a true answer to this question, we would have to examine reasons why someone thinks it is unattainable. I would suggest that those reasons would have commonality, but would differ from person to person.
Unattainable and unrealistic in what ways? Physically, there may be something to it. As I understand it, going way back, before television or movies or even pinup girls, people just looked for a local mate and we're content with the available dating pool. But when those media started showing more glamorous people to the masses, so beautiful and sexualized, the desire for the unattainable grew. And, today, it's pretty much impossible to not be influenced by Hollywood actors, fashion models, etc. These people are brought to life before us, and they feel relatable and present in our lives, and I think there's a sense, even subconsciously, that we shouldn't have to settle for anything less.
Not unrealistic at all. I am fine on my own and so only would pair up with someone great. When I was not even looking, great happened, so I know it's possible and set the bar pretty high. It seems to me that most of my friends have settled (miserable or divorced), afraid of being alone and that they are asking too much or are impatient.
Have you been reading profiles on dating sites?
I suppose it is because people have been disappointed with what they had and are looking for something that much better. Would you say looking at the couples around you that they are generally reasonably matched (or considered complimentary to each other)?
Sometimes that's true. I think sometimes people write a potential good match off too quick.
If that ideal is too specific it will kill opportunities. I think it's reasonable to want a partner who meets a basic criteria like:
shares similar values
doesn't conflict with any of your major goals (I.e. one wants kids bad, the other doesn't)
is at least moderately attractive to you
It gets unrealistic if you want a Brad Pitt or Halle Berry doppleganger with a great personality, super intelligence, fantastic job, and never farts.
That last part alone will make your hopes and dreams combust on you.
Pinch, poke, you owe me a coke...lol. I was just browsing through the profiles on OK Cupid and revamping mine a bit and was just thinking the exact same thing. My pet peeve...I can't even be bothered to fill out my profile with more than a couple of sentences and that's to say that I expect you to be gorgeous, intelligent, funny, rich,romantic and a porn star in bed. No unrealistic expectations there...nope...not even one.