How is it that some people can be so unthinkingly cruel? Last night was a particularly bad time for me. It started well and ended with me drunk and passed out.
Let me explain about 3 years ago at the age of 57 I joined a dating site. To be fair it was not like POF or such more the type you see advertised on porn sites. I was not really looking for relationship at the time, just to hook up and see what was there. After some failures and some successes I met a woman I will call C. She was 12 years younger than me, African and a stunner. From the moment we first held hands it was electric. She lived in Manchester about 30 odd miles from me and we would see each other as often as we could. She would spend 6 or 7 days in my flat and the sex was out of this world. Feelings that I thought were so dormant as to be extinct were resurrected and I was smitten. Passion is a two edged sword though and the road was far from smooth.My income was less than she would have liked and she was getting payments from her ex husband who lived abroad. She tried living with me for a while but one night she got drunk and violent, throwing stuff around. It had not been the first time she had done this but as in the other times I threw her out on her arse. This time however she slapped me. I am not proud of the fact that I slapped her back but it was just a slap and more of a reaction than deliberate. She called the cops and we both spent 14 hours in a holding cell awaiting no charges. We did try and get back together but it was never the same. Anyway about a year ago we split for good or rather she called an end to it, saying that she was going back to her ex. I have never made it secret that I loved her deeply.
So June was her birthday, I texted my congrats and she said she was having a bar-b-q at her sisters and would I like to come? C had just moved into her first flat and I had a computer and a large TV going spare. I said that it would be great to see her again and got all gussied up for the date. To my surprise however she was there with her ex M. He had his hands all over her like he had just bought a brand new BMW. I stood this torture for about 1/2 an hour then dropped off the stuff and made my excuses. I remember that drive back with tears rolling down my face and an urge to via off the road and end it all. Only the thought that she was not worth it made the drive possible. C however was not too pleased that I left in such a manor and texted me as if she could not see the problem. I explained to her that she was either dumb or deliberately cruel. a series of vitriolic texts (for which I subsequently apologized for) some bad poetry ensued and then C had the gall to ask my over on the very day that she had said goodbye to him at the airport. I must admit that I was still tempted but then I asked myself " What if a really good friend was here? What would they say to you? " My imaginary friend picked me up by the lapels threw me against the wall and said "WHAT ARE YOU THINKING YOU DUMB FUCK? " Texted that she was not worth the petrol and I have licked my wounds ever since.
She did text Happy new year and I replied the same adding that hardly a day goes by when she is not in my thoughts, C did not respond much so I left it at that.
Yesterday around 7 in the evening to my surprise I got a text saying that she would like to buy some pot. I don`t deal but I do have my own supply and I said sure. The way I thought was there must be ways for her to get some in Manchester so why me? It was not the fist time that she had used some ruse or pretext to meet up again and hope sprang inside for at least some form of romance. So I tidied and hoovered my flat, made the necessary shaves and trims to my beard and waited, my heart pounding in anticipation. C eventually showed up at my door alone with a bottle of gin and a pint glass of something or other. She looked great as ever and we kissed and hugged our hellos. She sat on the sofa next to me and we talked about people we knew and how they were, C said that she was always thinking about me and that she often worried how I was. I lied and said that I was fine and said " So your driving now?" It was then she dropped the bombshell. " Sort of M, (her ex/currant) had driven her here and was waiting in the car. Can He come in?" " WHAT how can you do this to me again " I said. C had a look of incredulity on her face like it was the most natural thing in the world. " You know how I feel about you, you know how much you hurt me before and now you have the temerity to do it again, Take your pot for no charge just never call me again". After a few feeble responses from C I repeated " Take your pot and go" I did not bother to see her out.
Luckily I had a good friend ready to come over and we both drank the full bottle of gin she had least had left me to drown my sorrows.
No fool like an old fool they say and I suppose there is some truth in that. I thought about writing a song about it but would...