This is probably already a question circulating but I thought I'd ask myself.
I see this all too often, when a guy PMs a girl with some sort of compliment or come on, and girls can be as sweet as ever with their let down that they are not interested and the guy will come back with profanity and put downs, calling her ugly or fat. I don't get it. Please explain.
Status. You lose face if you're rejected--unless the person rejecting you has less status than you. So if you get rejected, you can innoculate yourself against losing face by lowering the status of the rejector.
Of course, this has the effect of lowering your status--because you had the low standards to pursue a low-status individual to begin with, or the lack of discernment to fail to realize in the first place they were low-status (until they rejected you, that is), or because you are flighty and inconsistent in your status attribution.
But this only becomes apparent to those others of sufficient intelligence who are paying attention.
They've been humiliated and do not know how to walk away or gracefully recover. They have to "strike back" to "make up for it." You've ruined their tiny world view of themselves that they are worthy and have not considered that they are not what they pretend to be.
Yeah, happens all the time, guys get all aggro if rejected and worse if their lady doesn't want to be with them any more.
On the other side of the coin, some of us get complaints from ladies as they leave us that we obviously don't care because we are not upset.
Also, very few women ever make the first move, so maybe that is part of the answer, just not sure how.
I suggest that in most cases people initially believe that the other person will be and exhibit or learn to be and exhibit the traits and characteristics that they want in their ideal partner. When they don't or refuse to conform to that ideal the rejected rarely acknowledges that is their ideal that has not been met nor that the other person is specifically rejecting an offer not the whole person.
The person the offer has been made to has their own right to be themself and pursue whatever they wish. For example if two people are wholly compatible except for the fact that one person wishes to have children and the other doesn't I suggest that you are looking at an unstoppable total disaster if the relationship continues.
So why should men become irrationally out of control? ... Stupidity, ignorance, unpunished previous bad behaviour / lack of fear of consequence, lack of empowerment in having the knowledge or learning to understand what has occurred in the rejection and in many cases an unfulfilled sexual urge creating its own madness.
It seems however that the times are changing. It was reported a few weeks ago in the local paper that two women kidnapped a 19 year old man and held him prisoner for several hours. They were both charged. Very little detail was given.
Men are taught to repress their emotions. The only acceptable emotion in the "big boys don't cry" crowd, which is most men, is anger.
Sad. Even sadder is the low number of men who are not raised that way, and the low number of men who overcome their programming.
Sometimes males of several species kill prospective mates who reject them. And, some spiders, including the black wodow, eat their mates. Procreating is not play; although, some apes, including people and bonobos enjoy erotic play without procreation.
Statistically, I think few people ponder ethics and philosophy. They just interact and experience and learn along the way. Some are crippled and learn bizarre things, such as religion, but bizarre doesn't stop there, it invades all aspects of life. It is difficult to live with all varieties of personality. But, we must make our way. Perhaps some future AI Freud will straighten things out, we have failed so far.
Rejection sucks but I've never taken it personally or lashed out like that. I've had women do it to me though. I can't say all men are like that or that all women are like that either. We're all human and there's always gonna be some shitty people out there. I tend to stay away from the shitty ones.
With many men, it's a big let-down to get rejected. It makes them feel unwanted and insecure about their own masculinity. When they do what you say they do, they're doing what is known as 'sour-graping'.
I think the reason why that is so prevalent to women is because they are dealing with a particular sample pool. A certain percentage of guys are very macho, aggressive, all into themselves, see women as only sex objects. They are in the bars and clubs looking for a piece of ass, and they work by volumn...testing a lot of women until one goes for it. That's why you deal with so many of them. And they think nothing of you as a person. Typically,when that "personality type" gets turned down, he will wonder what is wrong with this chick...can't she see that I am god's gift to women....and now my ego hurts so I must lash out to prove that I am indeed powerful.
Only insecure guys are prone to do that. Admittedly, that's a lot of guys. The rest of us have a more mature and realistic understanding of how this works - not going to match up all the time. Shrug and move on until I find someone that I do match up well with. That's really all anyone on these sites can and should do.
If that kind of thing happened to me, and it has (I liek guys too), I just tell them they only just confirmed my judgement(s), that they are not really a good person or the kidn of peson I want in my life... even for one night. (add, edit or delete parts as appropriate).