I think the key is not how they make you feel but how you process it. As social creatures we cannot help to one extent or another look to others for social cues and reinforcement of behavior. People study and make it their goal to manipulate others and often find great success in it financially as well as emotionally. Discounting their abilities in this through mocking or blaming their victims is too me one of the greatest evils of humanity as it allows such people to thrive in plain sight. For me bullying is a great example of the blame you talk about. So many times in high school I was told by adults to just suck it up or ignore it. But that is frankly impossible and often when people do suck it up as it were in the long run it poisons them. Leading to extremes from suicide to being a mass shooter. I was lucky as I had a good home life to decompress from the horror of high school. Ironically the physical component to the bullying is not the worst aspect its the emotional side. And now it is even worse with the advent of social media. I do think though that one of the greatest tools people have against how others make them feel is fully realizing ones right to walk away. From people, situations etc. It is not easy and often seems impossible but at the end of the day ones mental and physical health stops with ones self. Our culture tells us otherwise, tells us we need so much to be happy but its all useless in the face of ones nature. We need things, we need God or Oprah, we need pills or creams, we need them. But we do not. We need first and only a healthy us and then the rest follows.

I think the key is not how they make you feel but how you process it. As social creatures we cannot help to one extent or another look to others for social cues and reinforcement of behavior. People study and make it their goal to manipulate others and often find great success in it financially as well as emotionally. For me bullying is a great example of the blame you talk about. So many times in high school I was told by adults to just suck it up or ignore it. But that is frankly impossible and often when people do suck it up as it were in the long run it poisons them. Leading to extremes from suicide to being a mass shooter. I was lucky as I had a good home life to decompress from the horror of highschool. Ironically the physical component to the bullying is not the worst aspect its the emotional side. And now it is even worse with the advent of social media. I do think though that one of the greatest tools people have against how others make them feel is fully realizing ones right to walk away. From people, situations etc. It is not easy and often seems impossible. Me I am going through a slow divorce and am seperated from my sons right now

I learned a long time ago that people see in others what they recognize in themselves. What I mean is that if I see someone as a nasty person based on nothing but their looks, the way they sound, or the way they are dressed, or their appearance, what I am actually seeing is the nastiness in myself projected upon them. One can only know something about another person by listening to them and understanding what they say or do.

Dictatorship makes most people feel how they want by hypnotizing and controling the media. Which can control your mind and often they feel comfortable numb.

I self hypnostize my own mind and led with my heart toward my dreams with deadlines. If I lose my dreams, might lose my mind.

People do say harmful, mean or aggravating things. Sometimes it's intentional, sometimes not. The only thing we can control is our individual response to it. We cannot control others. There's a famous Eleanor Roosevelt quote, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent". I have found this to be true. I believe our sad, bad, hurtful feelings comes from our own perception of ourselves. Therefore, I feel that it is true that no one can make you feel anything. There's also the old saying, "sticks and stones can break my bones but names can never hurt me" this was something we heard growing up in the 70's to deal with bullies. We are responsible for ourselves. It would be nice if others were more caring and sensitive but we can't rely on that.

You have been given a grossly simplistic sentiment. In order to understand its real meaning, it has to be greatly unpacked. As noted below, one invests one's feelings in any relationship, and thus become vulnerable. A lot of people are insecure and the one way they imagine they can gain security is by exerting power over others. Using threats of revealing secrets, or abusing in any way is a hurtful way of exerting control. Quite a few people will allow this abusive behavior because they are also insecure and fear losing the relationship.

The notion that one can disregard abusive behavior is naive. The idea is to tell the victim that they do have some control over themselves and to devalue the other person, and in due course, the relationship.

The stupidly simplistic sentiment really is a call to break off abusive relationships. This is so much easier said than done, and there will be pain. Still, it is a choice to go on tolerating hurtful behavior, or to find some way to move on, and leave the abuser behind.

Humans have emotions which can be affected by many things, good and bad.. Others can cause you to feel a certain way... It's nonsense to say that others make you feel because you let them or that you have absolute control of your emotions... So I agree with you...

Clearly you can be hurt; if someone punches you in the nose, it will hurt. On the other hand, a person can mediate pain. Your body produces endorphins, natural pain killers much stronger than morphine. Your body makes endorphins in response to pain.

I realize you were talking about emotional pain, but it is relevant.

Some physicians teach self hypnosis to chronic pain sufferers. In some cases, hypnosis gives relief. Our subconscious brain controls the release of hormones, and experiments have shown we can train ourselves to have some control over autonomic physiology.

The Buddha said, I'm not going to say this correctly, that one can avoid being hurt in some ways by not wanting. For example, if you want a particular job, but don't get it, you may be upset. If you don't set your heart on getting that job, then can shouldn't be upset.

So, I've agreed with you, you may be hurt by another, and disagreed, too. You can have some control over pain. Like anything, practice makes us better at a skill.

I reject your idea of blame. If you get punched in the nose, you would, I think, apply first aid, but that does not make you take the blame for being punched in the nose. Working on your emotions when someone does you wrong is emotional first aid.

I hope this helps. I've barely introduced you to the subject of pain mediation. Moreover, I'm neither Buddhist nor a psychologist. For more information, Google it. If you need more, talk to your doctor. Good luck.

All of your feelings are okay.

When I feel hurt, I listen for the kernel of truth, try to learn from it, and let the bad feelings go.

Grudge-holding only hurts the person holding the grudge.