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Notes from the Trenches with Erectile Dysfunction: A Woman’s Perspective

With a high sex drive, my sex life was a bust in 2019. Why? Erectile dysfunction.

Guys! Take the medicine. Explain to new lovers. Don’t expect women to unknowingly and unsuccessfully labor over your collapsing penis with hands and mouth, wondering what is wrong. This is unfair to women.

The last two men I dated were fit athletes. At 65, both had erectile dysfunction. In bed with Kirk, I thought I wasn’t attractive to him, that I didn't turn him on. I could not get it erect. After 45-minutes of struggling with a constantly collapsing penis, I gave up, tired and frustrated.

“You have erectile dysfunction,” I said. Kirk shamefacedly said his Viagra bottle was in his jacket. “I wanted to see if I could do it naturally.” I look at him with disbelief. Not telling me was disrespectful and selfish.

This happened again with Dave, an expert rock climber. Again, no explanation. This time, I recognized the symptoms. His penis kept going soft. “My erection used to be HUGE!” he kept saying. Finally, Dave admitted he had a 10-year-old bottle of Viagra.

Guys, I don’t care how big your erection was in your 20s. This is now. Show respect and good manners by discussing ED with new lovers before undressing. Take the medicine.

In study of 6 million erectile dysfunction (ED) patients, 75 percent either didn't receive or fill prescriptions.

"ED treatments, overall, are underutilized," said Dr. Brian Helfand, an assistant clinical professor of urology at Northshore University Health System and the University of Chicago. "Only 25 percent of men are actually treated."

Men may not be bothered by it," he said. Or a doctor may not write a prescription because he may not think the man is a candidate, or perhaps they didn't respond to erectile dysfunction treatment in the past.

Other reasons, he said, could include costs and embarrassment.

Another reason that men refuse ED treatment, could be that the common prescription medications, while effective for impotence, do nothing for “male enhancement,” or to increase penis size. When it comes to sexual wellness, there are many men that have difficulty performing, that also desire increased size.

Even though erectile dysfunction is likely to become more common with age, he actually found older men the least likely to be treated. Only about 18 percent of men aged 65 and above were treated.

LiterateHiker 9 Nov 10
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34 comments (26 - 34)

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1

It's kind of a sad commentary of the human condition. It's just the way it is. Like the Beatles song, "I, Me, Mine". Everybody wants to get their's. Not just OP, but me too and almost everyone else. We want to get our needs met. If we don't get what we want? Next! Maybe not immediately, but as quick as possible, we're going to make a change. Love has nothing to do with it, whether you believe in love or not. We're all replaceable. We're replaceable multiplely. Replaced until we run out of replacements. Gee, I must be sad because I have ED.

1

Great post!
I'm a little younger (54), but haven't had really good sex since 2006 ~ the year before my husband decided to become addicted to cocaine and porn (although his relationship with porn had been fairly strong since the 90s). In those 13 +years, I've gotten "close with" maybe 1/2 dozen men, including my ex, and an age range of 35 to 57 (the lower being the hubby before I left him in 2007).
I was with one man in 2014 (age 46) that received 2 Viagras a month from the VA along with other meds, the rationale being that having a satisfactory sex life would help with his PTSD. In the 5 months we were together, he never took one; he thought I should be happy with orgasms from oral sex... I didn't want to be pushy about it so I never overtly said anything ("Take a Viagra, I want a hard dick!" ) ~ always felt I was on thin ice anyway! Another (2017, age 50) had had an auto accident that ripped his midsection open, had difficulty getting and maintaining erections. He was full-disclosure before we were intimate. But I went to hop aboard one "active" night and he put me off anyway, then again 2 weeks later ("I'm afraid of coming too fast" )... for the next year he passive-aggressively blamed ME for us not having sex.
I've been solo for 2 years now, and (sadly??) I'm not even all that interested in getting involved with a man.

1

My humble perspective. I no longer live in 'FEAR" that it will happen. At 66 I never seen a pill to treat ED. At 66 there is nothing that will make it larger that it ever been and in my opinion yes a pump will bring it to close the Original size. I got a concern that using it when not needed... it will bring a conditioning that without the pill... it just won't happen so I had never tried even if for curiosity to see the difference. If ED ever happen to me by all means... I will take the correct action to solve the problem... Until then... I am proud of saying... I am one of those that are not in the need. Not curious what it will feel like and very happy with the size... it may take longer to get there but it will get there. I recognize the larger the size the longer it will take the blood to reach needed spaces... and the more the difference between erect and not erect. My Drive been constant and I was one of those guys proud of his piece... during my youth... middle age and old age. Call it Ego or whatever. There are a lot of medication that list ED as a side effect. At 66 I am a happy Confident Camper without the Worry and in Good Health!!!! And as a Lady told me not long ago... "You may think you are the last coke in the desert, but you sure are a Dr Pepper". I am just Proud of being the other side of the coin and a certified giver that lived a life to enjoy sex since the very begining.

1

I wish more men in their 30’s 40’s 50’s would take the pill, I’m having to look for guys in their 20’s to avoid being disappointed.

1

Boy Kathleen you sure do put it out there!

@Bigwavedave

Put what out there? Two lovers in one year is not bad.

@linxminx I didnt mean anything judgemental. To speak more clearly . It's just bold for me speaking so openly about ones personal life.

1

I agree your both there to have fun and pleasure ,ED medicine is common these days and not looked down upon,but some men are just to embarrassed to ask for help or say they use it,bummer I prefer Cialis over Viagara,,it gives me a severe headache no fun after,,But then again as we get older most men als have a chance to perfect there oral skills on a willing partner to add additional spice

1

Thank you. Sometime medications will create it. As you get older advile can cause it. Lets face it sometimes it does not want to work. Guys there is so many ways to get help some don't work others you need to find the strenght you need. Some women do talk crap when you need the extra help. I used to have no problem getting it up till I reached my 60s now at 65 I got some off the Internet. Stop taking Advile because I found out it can cause some these problems.

1

All fine and dandy, there's a need for something for vaginal dysfunction also.😒 I do feel sorry for your disappointing events being stuck on the flip side of things.

1

Haven't had that problem yet but will treat if it starts

bobwjr Level 10 Nov 10, 2019
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