Musings of a conflicted feminist.
As I get older I feel like I know less rather than more about many things. Relationships are one of those things.
I would love to have a partner to share life with BUT (&it's a big butt) I look back at my past relationships and the relationships around me and don't like what I see. In my own relationships and those of many of my friends I see the male partner taking the role of the "final decision maker". Idk if its a product of the way we were raised or if it's a biological tendancy. It's an academic question anyway. The one truth I've seen is that people give up their autonomy in exchange for love and its often the woman giving more.
I've tried going my own way anyway and that ends up with angry,resentful men. I have no interest in subverting my desires or goals to someone else's. I've tried compromise but I always find that I am the one compromised at the end of the day.
In a low moment I whined to a friend of mine that I'm just the kind of person bound to end up single and nothings going to change that. I think ,minus the dramatic whining, that is probably more true than I realised when I said it.