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We have been best friends for years and have tried dating on and off. went through what appears to be the final break up 2 months ago but I’m still in love with her. I still want to talk to them don’t see a reason not to, but it still hurts . She or I really did nothing wrong just couldn’t get along.. she’s moving out soon a few blocks away. I feel stronger on my own but I still really want to be around her. Finding it hard to get to the gray area or middle of the road. Asking for some suggestions...do I...

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Polaragent 4 Mar 26
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13 comments

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1

When we spend time on ourselves, improving things, it is always great time invested. Clear your mind, get out of your own way and things will always work out, stay positive..in sales we say, "assume the sale"....works for love as well my friend.

I believe too! Exactly bro

2

Whatever feels right at the time. that's the trouble with getting passionate with a long-term friend. you kind of lose two things. it will work itself out.

I agree, but also feel like we’re losing neither? It’s strange. It’ll work out the way it has to

yes mate and that is that you never know whats around the next corner.

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In my own, actual experience, it is possible for people to come around and find that their friendship or casual dating situation is really love. It's also possible for people to torture each other for years when for one of them, it's not quite right. So, because I don't really know your situation, please only take the advice that applies.

0

Trying to turn a friendship into a love affair is a great way to lose a friend. If it's meant to be nothing would keep you two apart. If it's not you might get together another 10 times and end up right where you are. You don't say who broke it off, but if it was her, maybe she's trying to be honest with you. The friendship might not survive and that might be ok. For you it's more. Maybe it's a measure of her caring that she gave it a try at all, maybe she was settling. Don't settle for someone who is settling for you. There may not be a lid for every pot, but most people end up finding someone. Wait for the person you don't have to persuade. The mating game is something of a crapshoot, both people need to feel attracted and compatible to each other. Being lonely and pining for an unreciprocated love is painful. When you find the one, remember this time and value her through thick and thin.

Thank you! So helpful, I will certainly consider this for now and later We’re definitely friends but the dynamic will change. I’m leaving out a lot mainly for your sakes lol
But we deeply care for each other varbatim. Been through a lot aside from just romantic struggles. You’re right about both people need to feel exactly..might be weird to say that but I feel that’s been a problem in my life wanting to feel loved instead of Simply liking the other person

@Rangepainter , you don't think exes can be friends? I'm friends with almost all of mine. No one says it's required, and we all have that toxic one who should be left in quarantine, but I was friends with most of them before, and time allows at least something of a reset.

@ChrisLAbbey , I do think exes can be friends. The only thing is I don't think you can force a friendship to become a love affair if one party is settling for the other. Trying to do so could damage a friendship irreparably, but that's not certain. Depends on the people. I only have one ex and he's the violent sort, so we're not friends. I had a friend want to marry me, but let him know he wasn't the one before we could experiment as a couple. We are still friends.

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It depends, how long were you dating? How long were you living together? They did a study, I believe it was at at UCLA. It takes 1 year to get over every 4 years that you are in a relationship with someone.

I met her in college 9 years ago we were sweethearts but she broke it off w me cuz I was “inexperienced” to been prob was lol
But then we’ve been on and off since then. We’ve lived together in various places traveling and such but I got my own place and she moved in last year as friends and then we tried again for the wrong reasons and kaput. But our love is real, it’s just not the right time, I realize that now. But even so I’ve realized lately I can be happy with out her, like that U2 song, I’d just much prefer her Later on. Or do I? Haha I’ll see I guess. She’s the best so far tho. It could be tough to match or surpass how I feel for her

1

I had a crush on a woman I went to college with. We went our seperate ways. She eventually got married. I defriended her on Facebook because every time I saw she was online, I'd keep thinking about her. I don't hate her, but I knew I needed to move on, because she obviously has. Eventually, my brain learned to live without her because it was not being triggered.

all it takes is a single glance and everything just breaks down and rushes through

Great to hear! Power to you bro

2

Take a break from her, not to "fix" anything, but to do some inner searching and possibly final moving on. And ideally find someone who loves you for you, as you are - without fixes !

I do what to fix my self doubt and inner demons...I agree wholeheartedly nothing is wrong w me or who I am, just what I let psyche me out...that got in the way of her and me. My crap

3

I've been through this recently. I still ache inside when she texts me as "just friends". I tried going on a date and it was nice but p part of me felt like I was cheating on her, even though it was a final over like yours. I don't think i have an answer. I still love her. Idon't know when or if that will fade but you're not alone. I don't really think there's anything to "fix". We are who we are and hopefully there's a better connection out there waiting for you and for me. Maybe that's when this love begins to fade some but I don't believe it'll ever go completely away. It's an experience we had. Emphasis on "had".
I hope this helps a little
Best wishes ❤

When I was in a situation where I was still near someone, all the reason in the world about it being over didn't work. There is always the thought of there being a chance because we are next to and still communicating with the person that we love. We try to trick ourselves into thinking it will work out and then get back together.

@Piece2YourPuzzle wise words that I hate that you said. Ty ?

@ashortbeauty I don't mean to make you feel bad 😛. I've just been there and done it like most people. I'm sure if I was in that situation right now, my words would fall on my own deaf ears lol. Keep your head up. It will not last forever.

Thank you! No, I actually have a case of dissociation that I failed to mention Initially and it does get in the way of my every day life, she has let her fondess in that romantic way fade because we couldn’t get along at times, so as for me and for me I’m working on associating more.,,also I think she has more to learn and do before we could be together,,my heart isn’t giving up because it can’t but my head I’m figuring out how to press on, mostly because I want to but as a person said here a change of scenery works wonders! It’ll be great to have my place back to myself.

2

Its not going to be easy to cut ties but if you are sure its over then try to. Time will tell.

4

Break off all ties from her or else you will probably never move on. It can turn ugly.

3

amputate. cauterize. look elsewhere

1

Dating friends is a gamble. You might double your money or, in your case, walk away empted handed. If your friendship is something you want to salvage, take some time to distance yourself and get over the fact that she doesn't feel the same way about you. Do not, however, sit by "biding your time" until she realizes she loves you. I had a friend that did that - not only did I never love him back the way he wanted me to, it actually drove me away because of the pressure he put on the relationship.

Best of luck, and never settle for someone who doesn't want you as much as you want them.

7

You have no flaws. We are who we are. She wasn’t the right fit for you. Learn from it and move on. The one for you is waiting for you to move beyond what was. Don’t look back.

Hazel Level 4 Mar 26, 2018
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