The chance overlap of April 1, a static day, and Easter, a Christian holiday, is because of Easter’s pagan origins. Easter doesn’t fall on a particular day: If Jesus existed and was crucified, we have no idea when. Instead, Easter falls on the first Sunday after the first full moon after the vernal equinox. If that sounds pretty damn pagan, it’s because it is.

The Council of Nicaea in 325 set that floating date to coincide with pagan celebrations of spring and rebirth. Christianity deliberately imposed one of its holy days on non-Christians to ease conversions. The vernal equinox/full moon date aren’t the only profane artifacts on the Easter holiday. Eggs are a symbol of fertility, and bunnies are popular not because they were present at the crucifixion but because their procreative abilities are legendary.

It’s easy to see the council’s thought process: “Hey, these heathens already celebrate rebirth and spring, so what if we say that our guy was reborn — resurrected — at this time too? A spoonful of sugar and all that …”

But of course, they can only celebrate the resurrection after first celebrating the death of their god. I’ve always thought “Good Friday” showed the moral bankruptcy of Christianity: What kind of faith celebrates the murder of an innocent as “good”?