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After work and other work I chill on my front porch and read with my doggo. The lady that lives upstairs gets home from work and we chat . A LOT. (3-5 hours a week)
She's 30 and I'm 45. I'm not getting any vibes from her at all.
I'm fine being friends, but that seems like an awful amount of time to be spending with someone that you're not interested in.
We're both dorky, lefties living in a in a red state that have worked retail and ran kitchens. We have much we can talk about. But still....
Thoughts, questions or snide remarks?

onthefire 7 July 15
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9 comments

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0

Have you thought of inviting her for coffee or tea? That's a next but non-dangerous step. Take it from being an impromptu chat to an on-purpose chat and see what happens. At the worst, you find out you're not attracted beyond neighborliness. I have a neighbor who has become an excellent friend. He's a year older than I, has a much younger girlfriend, and is very religious. While he's nice looking, we are clearly not type for one another. Even so, we have swapped phone numbers. He comes to my aid when I need something heavy moved and I lend him my ladder when he locks himself out of his apartment. That relationship works great for us.

Deb57 Level 8 July 20, 2020
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We have a very crappy emergency siren here. She had expressed a concern about not being able to hear it if things got ugly for whatever reason. I told her that I'd help keep an eye out for her.
Wednesday night we had a bad storm roll in at midnight. It was the fun kind with a tornado being drug behind it.
I went outside and rang her doorbell. She came down, gave me a thumbs up and went back upstairs to hide in her bathtub.
That was my brave, stupid, but sweet reaction to the situation.

1

Just a habit (unwinding mechanism) you have both fallen into?

Possibly. It's hard to tell. I'm just running with it. If something happens, great. If we're just friends, great.

4

Sometimes ..that’s as good as it gets…

Varn Level 8 July 16, 2020
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Is she hot?

barjoe Level 9 July 16, 2020
1

Sometimes people do not like to complicate their situations by getting too involved with a person who lives in their building or someone that they work with. That might be the case here. Just food for thought.

2

Test the waters a little by asking if she wants to catch up by going out for a coffee on the weekend, or come downstairs for dinner, because "it's easier to cook for two". If she says no, then nothing lost but if she says yes, see how that goes.
The biggest indicator though is touch. Does she touch your arm when talking or your shoulder when saying goodbye? If she doesn't do it to you, try doing that to her. Just a gentle touch on the arm when saying goodnight/bye.

1

friends is good. sometimes they share pizzas. sometimes ice cream. sometimes breakfast.
sometimes they visit museums of all different kinds. there's lots of stuff that friends do.

friends go for walks too.

2

Tough call. You never can tell if someone’s just friendly. Though I do agree that that’s a LOT of talking. Do you find her attractive? Maybe find some way to slip that into something you’re talking about and see how she responds?

She is attractive. There's no question there. It's just with the age difference and the fact that in the looks department, she can kick my ass. Add in my insecurity, and it's a fucking mess.

@onthefire Don’t worry about the age difference. It doesn’t matter to a lot of people. I often date men 10 (or more) years younger than I am. She may not care.

I get that. However I know that interest is not the same as infatuation.
I'm a natural flirt, but can't tell when I'm being flirted with unless there are more obvious hints but we are maintaining social distancing so I'm more lost than usual.

@onthefire The question is, do you want that friendly relationship to go further? Guess you do or you wouldn’t be asking, right? Cherish the friendship and ease into closer areas, as many here have suggested. Just try to do it in ways that won’t blow the friendship, should she have no interest in taking it to the next level. I’m not one good at giving advice since I too have three widows who call or come by frequently since I lost my wife 18 months ago. At my age, 77, I have no interest in marriage or sex,only friendship and they seem to have other ideas. At your age you still have a full life so if you’re close enough to her, you might mention to her that some lady has been talking to ya and see what she says. Just a little white lie 😯. Good luck to ya, let us know what develops.

@Justme43 LOVE the idea of mentioning about another lady talking to him! Clever! 😉

@Apunzelle Uh, as I said, I’m not good at giving advice on relationships. I was a faithful husband for 55 years, so I lost all talent for dating, sex, deception, etc. 😅

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