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Handling constant questions from little kids

When my Claire was four, we rented a house on the Pacific Ocean beach in Oregon for a week. I wrote in my journal:

Today you wore us down with your questions. After asking questions all day like water dripping fast, you looked across the table and asked, "Mom, what do you look like?"

I froze silently with possible answers flashing through my mind: "What do you think? For heaven's sake, you're looking at me!"

What were you asking? What angle should I take? How simple an answer will satisfy you? That I'm thinner than most women? Dark hair and eyes? I look frustrated? Irritated? Middle-aged?

Or were you asking me to repeat something you overheard me saying: that I got my pale skin and sense of humor from my father; my mother gave me thick dark hair, storytelling ability and athleticism?

And I knew any answer would lead to another question. Today you asked, "Who misses me when I'm here? What are they saying? What will they say when I get back?" And so on. And on.

Your dad and I recognize that your questions show a quick, searching mind and inquisitive intelligence. We want to encourage you to ask questions.

But sometimes I feel overwhelmed. My mind goes into overdrive. It wears me out.

So, I took a deep breath and turned to you, still waiting for an answer. "Claire, I don't know how to answer that question," I replied. "I don't know what you're asking and frankly, don't want to struggle through figuring it out. I just want to eat my dinner."

Later I did better. "Why are people walking on the beach?" you asked.

"Why do you ask?" I replied.

"Because this is our beach."

"Claire, think about it," I said gently. "Are there other houses next to ours?" You nodded.
"Do people live in those houses?" Another nod.

"Since there are other houses here with people living in them, don't you think that they might enjoy walking on the beach, too?"

Later, your dad praised me for that response. "You're teaching Claire how to think things through," he said.

I think I need to find out what you're asking instead of wrestling with a broad question.

LiterateHiker 9 July 20
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9 comments

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1

The old "always answer a question with a question" tactic. My favourite strategy when raising kids. Still works well with the grandkids 😃

1

Get them reading and teach them how to research is one of the best ways.

@Fernapple

We read to Claire since she was a little baby. She grew up being a reader.

Research on how screen time hurts kids' ability to learn was known 40 years ago. We raised her without video games and very limited TV.

  1. Claire at five months, turning pages with her foot.

  2. Age 18, during a trip to Europe. Here she got bored in a museum and read a book instead.

1

Questions are the essence of genius. Never discourage, too many people do not ask questions and then we get this world.

1

I guess depending on your point of view to me the questions were always the fun part. The hard part is the good answers. 😉

2

Good answers. I do know kids can wear you out with their questions. As a grandfather I enjoy being able to get it in smaller doses.

2

I homeschooled my kids most of the way using child led learning ( humans naturally want to learn, especially young humans. No question went unanswered and completely explored from all angles to where they learned to explore things and draw their own conclusions) I found it exhilarating , with only one drawback. Aparantly they don't teach much of anything in public school anymore and they wound up with what can only be described as an uncomfortable intellectual edge over their peers ( and many younger teachers)that lead them to have to dumb down to avoid having to constantly explain things.

2

Wonders,kids never stop amazing us ,all her wonderful questions , I can fully understand why they set you back,wondering why she was asking and where it would leed to ,inquisitive minds ,one really has to let their question sink in before asking ,quick response may have been way off base ,Interesting childhood you went thru for the 2nd time 🙂 Now how would you have answered that question, "What do you look like " if an adult had asked you , A whole different set of questions would enter into ones mind and wondering why they asked it and may if they were setting you up for something ..

3

Few parents are as thoughtful as you, sadly.

One of the most beautiful and touching TedTalks I ever saw was given by a woman whose daughter has a severe form of Autism. She is non-verbal. I don't recall the mother's occupation, but she was educated, professional, articulate, and obviously bright at a very high level.

As her daughter aged into her early teen years she was able to use a newly developed adaptive technology that allowed her to communicate. When her intellect was tested, it was extraordinarily high, gifted level. Absent her ability to communicate verbally, no one knew. When she asked her daughter how she learned so much she replied via her device:

"Mom, when you spoke to me I paid attention."

Yeah, I cried.

@Mitch07102

Love your reply. Thank you.

With Claire, I had to control my tendency to give a smart-aleck reply. I learned from the masters.

With three hilarious, whipsmart siblings, smart-ass remarks felt like poison darts at times. Reading was my solace.

2

I can't imagine what it's like to have offspring.

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