"I've talked to nearly 30,000 people on this show, and all 30,000, had one thing in common: they all wanted validation....I would tell you that every single person you will ever meet shares that common desire." - Oprah Winfrey
Besides validation, what are the keys to meaningful and lasting relationships?
Shared values regarding lifestyle and outlook on life (ie same dietary lifestyle, both want or do not want kids, etc and things like shared beliefs in justice and equal opportunity for all vs just wanting to be rich and hording all your wealth) and OPEN and HONEST communication and healthy conflict resolution styles. So says relationship research and my personal experience.
Accepting and liking each other for who you are, not who you think they could be. I have never felt I needed validation. I also think Oprah is a phony and have never given a second thought to anything she has ever said.
@GoodMan What you need and what I need are not the same thing, or what someone else needs. I did not say me liking who I am. Sure I have been in places in life where I might be unhappy with myself, but the people who really like me will be alright with that. Liking someone for who they are is the most important thing in a relationship. Without that I can guarantee it won't last. It has nothing to do with changes one goes through in life, unless one changes so much you are not the same person they once liked. It does happen. Since I don't like Oprah why would I listen to her. I have at times needed validation from my peers about my playing, but validation of who I am, not since my twenties when I wasn't quite sure who I was.
@Sticks48 "what you need, and what I need are not the same thing, or what someone else needs."
Agreed, and it is not my place or intention to specifically address what you or any one else on here needs.
"Since I don't like Oprah why would I listen to her?"
My responses to your comments are not intended to rebut, correct, or change your views, for the sake of conversation, I am clarifying my thoughts on the same subject.
Some of us were taught to validate others. It can be very frustrating to keep doing it and never have it reciprocated.
"It can be very frustrating to keep doing it and never have it reciprocated."
I completely agree; lack of reciprocation is frustrating, and in those cases a different conversation takes place. If the conversation doesn't help, then I'm done; time to move on.
I must be weird. I look at validating directed towards me as patronizing. Invalidating I view as constructive criticism that helps make me better. I realize that most other people view this differently and I do validate them. This could be helpful.
"Accepting and liking each other for who you are, not who you think they could be. I have never felt I needed validation."
I agree with this; however, when a person is sad, frustrated, temporarily lacking confidence, and seeks my advice as a friend; Firstly, I take the time to listen, and make sure I understand them by asking clarifying questions; Secondly, I offer feedback, which depends on the situation.
Imagine a place where all people "always" like who they are, never feel the need to change or adjust, and never want or need validation. I believe people are dynamic; our moods, attitudes, feelings, etc change, hence the want/need (imho) for the aforementioned statements.
"I also think Oprah is a phony and have never given a second thought to anything she has ever said."
Personally, I tend to focus on what is said, as opposed to who said it unless my research has found their statements to be false.