The vast majority of us want to be good, productive persons. But, we all have beliefs, attitudes and behaviors that get in our way. In that vein, most of us want, if not need, partners help us become and be the persons we aspire to be.
When we find such a partners, life can be beautiful. Without them life can be difficult, even a living hell.
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.My first marriage was to a vegetable. There's no other way to describe him.
My second marriage was to someone that helped me and let me grow in many different ways. I hope I did the same for him. I don't feel like my life is hellish even though he's died eight years ago. I never felt that way I was too busy taking care of the things that needed to be done.
Lorajay
Level 9
Oct 24, 2020
2
That sounds more like a codependency to me. I would rather a relationship be about companionship than about therapy - that’s what therapists are for. So far, I have not married, and my life is far from hellish. I take responsibility for my own therapy.
skado
Level 9
Oct 24, 2020
2
We are all therapists ! You can't learn new concepts or behaviors without the help of others. ☺
@ThinkingFree
We’re not all trained, qualified, and competent therapists like yourself. Some well-meaning people can cause harm.
There is probably a good reason it’s illegal in most states for therapists to have intimate relationships with their clients, no? We can learn from others without marrying them.
@skado I guess I wasn't talking about marriage, but just that we need other people in our lives, so that we can learn new, more productive behaviors. As adults, I'm assuming that we have the expertise to decide what's positive and what isn't. And of course therapist and client intimate relationships are inappropriate. There's a power issue. But I have also learned from clients.
After 30 years of marriage, then 3 years that felt like thirty.. I’m beginning to view relationships as more codependent than positive. Allowing ‘the other’ to enhance your abilities can weaken your abilities.
Living alone, though active, and far from lonely ..feels lovely in comparison to a locked down relationship of constant expectations and explanations. I ‘get it’ with regard to having & raising children, but free of those responsibilities, no thanks ~
Varn
Level 8
Oct 24, 2020
3
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