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What's the best way to deal with your friend's husband hitting on you?

My friend's husband is acting creepy.

My friend called a while back and asked if I would help set up her husband's new business online. I agreed. They invited me to dinner to work on it but I discovered he was still in the planning phase and we didn't get anything done.

That happened a second time so the third time he invited me to dinner to "work" I explained that it could be done easily over the phone. He never answered the text and instead had his wife call me to try again to invite me to a meal.

I politely explained again to my friend that he could just call me. He never did.

So at this point, I'm definitely picking up on a hidden motive to the whole thing, only since he's not being open about what it is, I'm not feeling very comfortable with it.

Then he texted me yesterday. Something about hope you're having a good day and sending good vibes. No, I'm actually getting some really weird vibes. We don't casually text each other. I have his phone number for times when he's picking up his kids from my place or whatever.

I should mention that a couple years ago my friend said he was talking about forming a group marriage and had mentioned my name. I made it clear I wasn't interested so I figured that was the end of that. But maybe it wasn't.

I'm thinking I should talk to my friend about it, just explain that I feel like he has hidden motives and that I'll be keeping my distance from him. Not sure if that is the best course of action.

Edited to add lots more details.

UpsideDownAgain 7 Nov 7
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9 comments

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1

I think it’s your friend you need to have a conversation with not the husband. I give that advice because of the last but one paragraph in your post above...you need to make it quite clear to both of them that whilst you are willing to help in any way you can with the setting up of the husband’s business, if it’s only a ruse to get you interested in the “group marriage” idea which was floated by him in the past, then it is a definite No-No!

1

Keeping your distance from him is the best course of action for now. Maybe that'll be enough to get the message across. If not, you need to use stern words.

Deb57 Level 8 Nov 7, 2020
1

Before you "share" get some evidence, maybe record him, otherwise you run the risk of spouse denial.

1

I think you need to tell him to back off.

3

I'd be finding myself "too busy" to help. "Something has come up that I have to deal with, and won't have time to help with that thing."

OR

Tell him, in no uncertain terms, that if he wants your help, it'll have to be over the phone.

You don't have to explain anything to anyone, even if you're asked.

0

A punch to his throat
Just saying

4

I had a married friend who started being friendlier than I felt comfortable with,we did political things together but because he made be uneasy I always made sure there were other people involved. Finally I decided that even though his advances were just borderline I needed to find out what was going on. Next invitation I agreed to go with him solo to a thing in the city and sure enough I was right but that also gave me an opportunity to set him straight and that took care of it.

3

Send your responses in a group text to both of them every time he texts you. Their reactions to that should let you know how to proceed.

4

Since she’s your friend I’d assume he’s being friendly for her sake and answer his text to her.
Like
Helen I got the text from Dick, and yes I’m doing quite well.

You know, deescalation transparency.
A message that ‘what you tell me you tell Helen’ Dick!

Just random choice on the guy's name? lol

@UpsideDownAgain Yep, both actually. But Helen will call the cops if she sees someone guilty of being black. Dick is just a Dick.

@Willow_Wisp Reminds me of the old ad campaign. "See Dick drink. See Dick drive. See Dick die. Don't be a Dick."

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