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We're losing a whole generation of young men to video games.

Eighty percent of Gen Z and Millennials play video games. In 2021, two-thirds of Millennial and Gen Z young men live with their parents.

"Claire, are you still dating the military man?" I asked my girl on Thanksgiving. "No, he was controlling and mean," she replied. "Are you now dating anyone else?"

They never grew up

"Sort of," Claire, 31, replied. "I don't do online dating. Instead I meet people organically. I'm seeing a young man, 32, who is the produce manager at Fred Meyer. Trouble is, he's addicted to video games. He's maxed out on his salary and doesn't care. I don't take him seriously."

"He has huge attention deficit disorder and impulsively," Claire said. "My women friends have the same problem with men our age. Most of them live with their parents. These guys never grew up."

"He works out and plays video games, " she said. "That's his whole life. When a new version of a video game comes out, I don't see him for weeks."

"I want a man who has education, drive and ambition like me," Claire said. "I don't care if he's working for a start-up. He needs to be motivated."

We never let Claire play video games when she was growing up. She became a reader and athlete, a powerhouse tennis player.

In 1990 (when Claire was born), the research on screen time was clear, including watching TV. It changes the brain and contributes to attention deficit disorders, impulsively, and inability to pay attention in school.

Now Claire directs a team for Evergreen Medical Center. Providence Hospital asked her to work 20 hours/week, too. Claire worked for Providence earlier. So she's working two jobs 60-70 hours/week. She has always been a hard worker.

Evergreen Medical Center just gave Claire a $1,000 bonus and a seven percent raise.

She joined the Everett Tennis Club. Claire plays tennis four days a week and meditates daily. She takes a yoga class; and a "power" class for strength, agility and balance. She exercises six days a week. Claire is happy and healthy. Bravo!

[nypost.com]

LiterateHiker 9 Dec 2
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13 comments

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2

Please identify some of the other things you think these young men should do.

1

You did a fantastic job raising her . I am proud of you both .

@vegan66

Thank you!

2

Video games are available for everyone, why do young men specifically get addicted? I think there are underlying social factors that are driving away young men from social roles and video games are just a symptom

@Spongebob

You asked: Why do young men specifically get addicted?

Testosterone, socialization and "boys will be boys."

The majority of males love loud cars, recklessness, explosions, fights and warfare. Men commit the vast majority of mass shootings and murders. Boys and men abuse and rape women and girls. Guys start the vast majority of wildfires deliberately or with reckless behavior.

Guys love warfare and violence in video games. It makes them feel powerful. Women, not so much.

2

Here, the youth are very active. Briefly. They are climbing in windows and then exploring underground.

3

I see this as a form of escapism. It was recently mentioned on NPR that more and more millennials are committing suicide as they don't, rightly so, feel there's a future for them. Look at how many of us spend time on this site. It's a form of socializing which has become especially important during this pandemic time. Also, since we are more and more going towards a non personal type of warfare video game playing becomes a skill the military is looking for to fly their drones. Problem is, many of these video gamer's have lost touch with reality and interpersonal feelings.

4

I don't know. Blaming games for behavior is like blaming guns for shootings. It's not the thing, it's the person. I have played games all my life starting long before video games were even invented. I play every day and it is a reasonable way to spend time which I have more of than things to do. Video games were the next phase of game playing. It's a matter of balance. Like anything, too much of it may not be good.

Maybe your daughter isn't looking in the right places. I know at her age I was busy working at my career and still playing games. My first marriage I was 22 and just getting started in a career where I worked 50 or more hours a week working my way into manufacturing management. If I wasn't already married, I doubt I would of had the desire to look at a long term relationship vs a good one nighter.

3

The bright side is Video Games make people smarter and keener, improve their mental health, reactions, crisis management, Imagination, and ... etc. the Virtual world will make ppl even more sociable, but not with the old decade's standards! simply the World is going to change again, and it's inevitable. don't forget not long time ago all say the same thing about the Internet itself, but here we are, together 🙂

Diaco Level 7 Dec 2, 2021

@Diaco

Please cite credible research to back up your claims.

Staring at a screen instead of talking with someone is rude. Obsessive video gamers lack social skills.

Video game addiction with teenagers and young men born after 1990 is a worldwide problem.

China just turned off residential internet from midnight to 6:00 a.m. Over 90 percent of Chinese young men are addicted to video games. They prefer playing video games to working.

@LiterateHiker , Well, I'm not just a gamer, I'm active in this industry as a developer and designer.
Putting aside gamer's personal life and their behavior during the game, online games, and online virtual experiences, completely redefined social skills.
about the "addiction", sure, but usually when someone cheats on someone else, there is a LACK in their relationship. my point is; what's wrong if ppl can fill society issues and flaws in a safe place! so pls, point to society in the first place for the flaws.
Everyone is looking for a happy moment, why someone has to choose a game on a (let's say) real experience?!
in video games, people have the opportunity to compare themselves and their skills to others with an equal position, beyond nationality, race, age, money, and... etc. which all will affect their life in society.
China !!!! not long time ago they banned ppl to have more than 1-2 kids. I mean, what a totalitarian government does is not necessarily the right thing.
after all, without any bias, for sure there are issues with games and virtual experiences, but human finally will make a new balance.
there's so many articles/researches out there but as example :
[news.microsoft.com]
[medicalnewstoday.com]
[webmd.com]
[medicalnewstoday.com]
[verywellmind.com]
[ncbi.nlm.nih.gov]
[sciencedirect.com]

@Diaco China is now limiting internet and gaming time. China is using facial recognition not only to id people, but in classrooms to alert the teachers if a student is paying close enough attention.
You are correct that video games cam help keep people more alert, etc. Many old folks homes and hospitals, etc use them as well.

@LiterateHiker , btw, when I talk about video games, I don't mean just action games! today even education systems understand with gamification, virtual experiences, and video games they can improve students' understanding and make scientific topics simpler, more exciting, and effective. same thing for factories/businesses to introduce their product and their abilities! as mentioned before, virtual reality/experience is another step in human history.

@Beowulfsfriend, Cool!, we replied exactly about the same point at the same moment 😀

@LiterateHiker I don’t see staring at a screen as being rude, it’s a choice. Rude is doing it when someone is talking to you. It’s also rude to talk to someone who is playing.

Obsessive behavior of any kind leads to all sorts of problems. I think it is the obsessive behavior you really mean to address. And that can be in many forms from drinking to gambling to exercise to stamp collecting.

Seems like the key is finding someone with similar interests, not complaining about behavior,or worse, trying to change another’s behavior to fit your model. That never works out.

@Canndue

The only person I can change and control is myself. I learned it in my 20s.

On a first date, if the man keeps staring at his phone, I'm out. We're there to talk and get to know each other. Actions speak louder than words.

@LiterateHiker exactly, agree 100 %

2

Sometimes the world wins one back though. Enjoy.
[agnostic.com]

1

It is not that new though really, all human culture divorces people from reality, that is its main purpose, in many ways video games are just taking the place of the churches, temples and football stadiums of yesterday.

To really contact reality requires effort, and it has always been profitable to sell laziness. In many ways the sports stadiums especially, which always existed, were totally ironical in doing so. Because a small handful actually did the sport full time, and worked towards a health damaging level of fitness, to better impress observers, only so that profit could be made from the thousands idling in the stands eating overpriced junk food.

5

I think this is vastly overblown and that like the theory about video games leading to violence will be proved wrong. I don't think we're losing a generation to anything, we're losing the whole future of the world to climate change, that's something to worry about. I play one video game occassionally, Flight Simulator 2020.

1

In my experience, a majority of men are pretty lazy about maintaining relationships. It is pure selfishness, really, enabled by their doting mothers, who don’t make them get off their asses and “do something” constructive. There are no demands that they learn to relate to other people. Most of them don’t even know how to take care of themselves, like do laundry or cook. This is why so many men marry women who “mother” them. So really, women are to blame for it.

@MsKathleen

Motivation is internal. Don't blame mothers.

At age 11, Claire had three summer jobs. For folks on vacation, Claire fed and walked dogs and watered plants. Also she made bead jewelry that she sold to friends. That summer, she earned $800 that went toward her college fund.

Now Claire is supervising a team for Evergreen Medical Center. Providence Hospital asked her to work 20 hours/week. Claire worked for Providence previously. Now she's working two jobs. She has always been a hard worker.

Evergreen Medical Center just gave Claire a $1,000 bonus and a seven percent raise.

She joined the Everett Tennis Club. Claire plays tennis four days a week, runs and meditates daily. She takes a yoga class; and a "power" class for strength, agility and balance.

Claire is happy and healthy. Bravo!

@LiterateHiker I disagree. But I don’t want to argue.

@MsKathleen

Young men need to get off their asses, go to work, exercise, volunteer and make friends. They need to stop wasting their lives playing video games.

The only person I can change and control is myself. I learned that in my 20s. Why do you think I exercise regularly and volunteer? Nobody tells me to do that.

Motivation is internal. I worked full time while attending graduate school. My goal was the get a Master degree by the time I was 30. I got that Master degree three weeks before turning 30.

@LiterateHiker if ANYONE could motivate them, it would be their mothers…instead of enabling that behavior. What you did and what Claire did is irrelevant. Mothers need to quit coddling kids beyond infancy.

@MsKathleen

We never let Claire play video games. That's relevant.

We severely limited her TV watching. We only let her watch three, half-hour shows per week. That's relevant.

Instead we read to her and played with her.

The result was Claire became a huge reader and athlete.

@LiterateHiker Your perspective. Some who MIGHT have had strong internal motivator have been ruined by too much maternal coddling.

3

I don't know who first coined the phrase "virtual reality" but it is so far removed from reality that it is laughable.

Yes, just like "reality TV " though unlike that it is slightly qualified by the word "virtual".

3

This is part of the reason why I’m not at all optimistic about the future.

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