Funny messages between me and Joshua, M.D.in 2016. He lives in Portland, OR. Also plays drums in a band. He's intelligent and funny. Check. Has rhythmic hands. Check. What's not to like?

NOTE. As often happens with online dating, when I got to know Joshua, turns out he was extremely critical and controlling. No wonder he's single. But he did a masterful job of reeling me in. Enjoy.

Howdy!
I live in Picklewart, WA, and you are my kinda girl.
My favorite things are bong hits, picking body lice out of my sweetie's hair, eating Twinkies, NASCAR, and sending pictures of my wiener to hot little babes like you. I'll happily engage in unwanted physical contact, share cigarette butts I find on the street with you, rifle through your hamper looking for unwashed underwear to sniff, forget about your birthday, get drunk in front of your children, and only pick your nose if I ask first.
We would read the National Enquirer together on Sunday mornings as we eat spam and Velveeta sandwiches.
Oh, and I'd happily shoot any animal you want, and let you have the head to put on your den wall, just to show you I can be generous.
I don't expect sex on the second date....I expect it on the first. If you need to be passed out from your favorite intoxicant first, well, I'm cool with that. You don't need to be conscious for me to have a good time.
So, whaddaya say?
Is it a date?

Buford T. Fudpucker---Your match?

LiterateHiker
Dear Buford T. Fudpucker,

I live in the rarified air (except for wildfire smoke) of LaDiDaLand, Outer Space.

My favorite things are putting my nose in the air, sneering at fat people, bragging, ignoring people, going first, polishing my nails, feeling superior, crushing people with mean comments, spending men's money, and rejecting male idiots on OKStupid.

Sorry, Buford, we're not a match. Good luck with your search.

Ha ha ha. I love your message, Joseph! HILARIOUS!

Antoinette Airhead

Blue-eyed-drum
You called me "Joseph," Ms. Airhead. Ha.

LiterateHiker
That was a joke. Gotcha! I was continuing my Antoinette Airhead riff, Joshua. Kathleen

Blue-eyed-drum
Quick recovery.
Now Buford wants to buy you a corndog and a Pabst Blue Ribbon.........

LiterateHiker
Sorry, Buford, I never grew up enough to like beer. And I eschew (look it up) hot dogs.

Blue-eyed-drum
Whut? You eschew hot dogs? Well, you got to eschew them before you swallow, everbody knows dat.
Since you eschew hot dogs, maybe you'll eschew some of my homemade Possum jerky, too.
You sound like fun, and ya got purty teeth to eschew with....way more than I got, but I can eat corn-on-the-cob thru a picket fence, with is dang handy!!
And it's not beer....it's Pabst Blue Ribbon...made with only the finest water from Flint, Michigan!