I'm right with you on this one. I told my wife from the get-go that I would never lie to my kids about fairy tales. They can pretend all they want, but daddy will be gentle and honest when it comes down to it. There's plenty of real-world beauty and complexity and mystery for kids to think about, we don't need to feed them fake stories to fill their heads.

First of all, I think eight is just a little old to still be believing in a fairly tale world. When I was growing up, pretty much every one's fairy tale bubbles had been burst by the age of seven, and those who still believed in such stuff were mocked at school for still being "babies". Secondly, if belief that planet earth is a fairly tale world goes on too long, it certainly won't be harmless, either socially or mentally. Being detached from reality is a pretty good definition of neurosis or mental illness. Thirdly, I really don't buy the idea that literally believing in fairy tales is really so harmless to smaller children either. We like to think that it is harmless, but how many fewer children would grow up to believe literally in the mythology of religions if they had not been so indoctrinated while children? Also, I remember how disturbed I was when I learned that the adults of the world had been lying to all of us kids all this time for "our own good and happiness." It made my wonder what other things adults had been lying to us about for "our own good and happiness." This can subtly start to destroy trust between children and their parents and lead to a rebellious child if unchecked.

In a couple years, your daughter will be old enough that your partner may be less inclined to push magic as real (it's cute until suddenly it's not), and your daughter will be more receptive to your prodding because her mental capacity for logic and reason will have increased. (Pressing for a level of mental maturity and cognitive reasoning that a child doesn't yet have the capacity for can cause a lot of long-term damage, btw, so use your best judgment.) I understand the frustration of one's co-parent presenting myth and magic as real, legitimate things, but it's possible that this particular problem will dissolve on its own if you're willing to be patient.

Sounds like hearing the tooth fairy wasn't real was a good thing for her, though. And that's a normal age to discover that Santa isn't real.

Make believe, fairies, and fantasy do no harm as far as I can see. Children enjoy the ideas and grow out of them without any problems - very few adults believe in fairies. Adults who believe in religion and supernatural beings like angels do so because they want to conform to their religion and so they suspend their rationality, not because they have left over beliefs from childhood. I loved the Flower Fairies (C.M. Barker) as a child and appreciate them in different ways now, but I was an atheist from earliest childhood. I agree with your wife. Let them have a bit of magic.

When I was young, I used to hand-sew teeny tiny clothes for the fairies who lived in the rose bushes. My family was deeply religious. I became an atheist. The make believe fairy world doesn't seem to have harmed me.

My girls are grown but raised non-believers. Did Christmas/Channukah because Grandma and Grandpa sent presents until puberty.

I was in the exact same situation. My son is now 8 years old. Mother wanting him to believe in the tooth fairy and Santa. (Thankfully God was never an issue.) I agreed, but with conditions.

• I promoted imagination, but not magic.
• I never lied to him regarding my position on the subjects. (Though I may have been somewhat ambiguous.)
• Asked him why he believed a fairy would want his teeth and how Santa managed to visit every child in ever house in one night. (It's a matter of economics after all!! His answers were quite interesting at times.)
• Finally, (though he figured it out before), if he was to come home from school and say, "Billy says Santa isn't really." He was to be told. I wasn't having him getting into a fight believing in something that was false. (We have enough of that these days.)

I'm sure you do a decent job. So, give them the opportunity to think critically, and it will work out for you all in the end. It did for me.