NC Townsfolk Fear Solar Farm Might Suck Up All the Sun’s Light

Angry residents of the North Carolina town of Woodland, have voted in a town council meeting to kill a proposed solar farm project in their area, out of fear that the solar panels would suck up all of the sun’s energy - thereby killing-off all local plant life, by preventing photosynthesis.

Wow, disaster narrowly averted! Thank goodness the citizens of this community were able to put their 3rd grade educations to good use and fight back against these damnable, sun-sucking, solar panels!

Shortly after the council’s vote, jubilant Woodland citizens were then treated to a celebratory concert, featuring dueling banjos at the local chapter of the Flat Earth Society, just down the road.

And, while most townsfolk seemed happy with the vote, others expressed grave concerns about other hidden dangers, such as “shadows" and "Daylight Saving Time,” which could also pose a treat to photosynthesis - adding it might just be time to ban them too.

Why, it’s almost enough to make you think all this so-called “American Exceptionalism” the President is always bragging about, is just another euphemism for “exceptional stupidity.” I tell ya, all this nonsense about sun-sucking-solar-panels is really starting to “burn me up.” Anyway, in other news from the 12th century…

[johnnyrobishcomedy.com]